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The Conductors of this Work print no Plays but those which they have seen acted. The Stage Directions are given from their own personal observations, during the most recent performances.
The instant a Character appears upon the Stage, the point of Entrance, as well as every subsequent change of Position, till its Edit, is noted,'with a fidelity which may, in all cases, be relied on; the object being, to establish this Work as a Standard Guide to the Stage business* as now conducted on the London boards.
EXITS and ENTRANCES.
R. means Right; L. left; R. D. Right Door; L. D. Left Door; S. E. Second Entrance; U. E. Upper Entrance; M. D. Middle Door. RELATIVE POSITIONS
R. means Right; L. Left; C. Centre', R. C. Right of Centre; l.C. left of Centre. The following view of the Stage with Five Peformers in front, will, it ia presumed, fully demonstrate the Relative Positions.
*** The Reader is supposed to be on the Stage facing the Audience THE HYPOCRITE.
SCENE 1.—A Hall in Sir Joan Lambert's House,
Enter Sir John Lamnert, L. followed by Colonel Lamnert..
Col. Lamb. Pray consider, sir.
Sir J. Lamb. So I do, sir, that I am her father, and will dispose of her as I please.
Col. Lamb. (l. C.) 1 do not dispute your authority, sir; hut as I am your son too, I think it my duty to be concerned for your honour. Have not you countenanced his addresses to my sister? Has not she received them? Mr. Darnley's birth and fortune are well known to you; and I dare swear, he may defy the world to lay a blemish on his character. .
Sir J. Lamb. (n. c.) Why then, sirv since I am to be catechised, I must tell you, I do not like his character: he is a world-server, a libertine, and has no more religion than you have.
Col. Lamb. Sir, we neither of us think it proper to make a boast of our religion; but, if you will please to inquire, you will find that we go to church as orderly as the rest of our neighbours.
Sir J. Lamb. Oh! you go to church! you go to church—Wonderful! wonderful! to bow and grin, and cough, and sleep: a fine act of devotion indeed.
Col. Lamb. Well, but dear sir—
Sir J. Lamb. Colonel, you are an atheist.
Col. Lamb. Pardon me, sir, I am none: it is a character I abhor; and next to that, I abhor the character of an enthusiast.
'Sir J. Lamb. Oh, you do so; an enthusiast! yes, that is the fashionable phrase, the bye-word, the nickname, that our pleasure-loving generation give to those few who have a sense of true sanctity.
Col. Lamb Say earning, sir.
Sir J. Lamb. I tell you what, son, as I have told you more than once, you will draw some heavy judgment on your head one day or other.
Col. Lamb. So says the charitable Doctor Cantwell: you have taken him into your house, and, in return, he gives over half your family to the devil.
Sir J. Lamb. Do not abuse the doctor, colonel; it is nut the way to my favour. I know you cannot bear him, because he is not one of your mincing preachers. He holds up the glass to your enormities, shows you to yourselves in your genuine colours.
Col. Lamb. Sir, I respect piety and virtue ; but there are pretenders to religion, as well as to courage; and as we never find the truly brave to be such as make much noise about their valour, so, I apprehend, the truly good seldom or never deal much in grimace.
Sir J. Lamb. Very well, sir; this is very well.
Col. Lamb. Besides, sir, I would be glad to know, by what authority the doctor pretends to exercise the clerical function. It does not appear clearly to me that he ever was in orders.
Sir J. Lamb. That is no business of yours, sir. But I am better informed. However, he has the call of zeal.
Col. Lamb. Zeal!
Sir J. Lamb. Why, colonel, yon are in a passion.
Col. Lamb. I own, I cannot see with temper, sir, so many religious mountebanks impose on the unwary multitude; wretches, who make a trade of religion, and shew an uncommon concern for the next world, only to raise their fortunes with greater security in this.
[Crosses to r.
Sir J. Lamb. Well, since you think it your duty as a son, to be concerned for my errors, I think it as much mine, as a father, to be concerned for yours. If you think fit to amend them, so; if not, take the consequence.
Col Lamb. Well, sir, may I ask you without offence if the reasons you have given me are your only reasons for discountenancing Mr. Darnley's addresses to my sister?
Sir J. Lamb. Are they not flagrant? Would you have me marry my daughter to a pagan 1
Col. Lamb. He intends this morning paying his respects to you, in hopes to obtain your final consent; and desired me to be present as a mediator of articles between you.
Sir J. Lamb. I am glad to hear it.
Col. Lamb. That's kind indeed, sir.
Sir J.Lamb. May be not, sir; for I will not be at home when he comes; and because I will not tell a lie for the matter, I will go out this moment.
[Crowes to R.
Col. Lamb. Nay, dear sir—
Sir J. Lamb. And do you hear—because I will not deceive him. either tell him I would not have him lose his time in fooling after your sister—In short, I have another man in my head for her. [Exit, R.
Col. Lamb. Another man! It wouldbe worth one's while to know him: pray heaven this canting hypocrite has not got some beggarly rascal in his eye for her. I must rid the house of him at any rate, or all the settlement I can hope for from my father, is a castle in the air. My sister may be ruined too. [charlotte sings without.] "O, what shall I do? Nobody coming to marry me, Nobody coming to woo," Here she comes. If there be another man in the case, she, no doubt, can let me into the secret.
Enter Charlotte, L.
Sister, good morrow; I want to speak with you.
Chart. Pr'ythee then, dear brother, don't put on that wise politic face, as if your regiment was going to be disbanded or sent to the West Indies, and you obliged to follow It.
Col. Lamb. Come, come, a truce with your raillery; what I have to ask of you is serious, and I beg you would be so in your answer.
Chart. Well then, provided it is not upon the subject of love, I will be so; but make haste -too, for I have not had my tea yet.
Col. Lamb. Why, it is, and it is not, upon that subject.
Chart. Oh, I love a riddle dearly—Come—let's hear
Col. Lamb. Nay, psha! if you will be serious, say so.
Chart. O lard, sir; I beg your pardon; there, there's my whole form and features totally disengaged, and lifeless at your service; now put them in what posture of attention you may think (It, . [Leaning against him.
Col. Lamb. Was there ever such a giddy devil! Pr'ythee stand up. 1 have been talking with my father, and he declares positively you shall not receive any further addresses from Mr. Darnley.
Chart. Are you serious?
Col. Lamb. He said so this miuute, and with some warmth.
Chart. I am glad on't with all my heart.
Chart. To a degree. Do you think a man has any more charms for me for my father's liking him? No, sir; if Mr. Darnley can make his way to me now, he is obliged to me, and to me only. Besides, now it may have the face of an amour indeed, now one has something to struggle for; there's difficulty, there's danger, there's the dear spirit of contradiction in it too. Oh! I like it mightily.
Col. Lamb. I am glad this does not make you think the worse of Darnley: but a father's consent might have clapt a pair of horses more to your coach perhaps, and the want of it may pinch your fortune.
Chart. Psha! Burn fortune ; am not I a fine woman? and have not I twenty thousand pounds in my own hands?
Col. Lamb. Yes, but my dainty sister, with all your charms, you have had them in your hands almost these four years.
Chavl. Psha ! and have not I had the full swing of my own airs and humours these.four years ?but if I humour my father, I warrant he'll make it three Or four thousand more, wilh some unlick'd lout—A comfortable equivalent, truly !—No, no ; let him light his pipe with his consent, if he please. Wilful against wise, for a wager.
Col. Lamb. But, pray sister, has my father ever proposed any other man to you?
Chart. Another man ! let me know why you ask, and I'll tell you.
Col. Lamb. Why the last words he said to me were, that he had another man in his head for you.
Chart. And who is it? who is it? tell me, [driving him to R.] brother?
Col. Lamb. Why you don't so much as seem surprised.
Chart. No, but I'm impatient, and that's as well.
Col. Lamb. Why, how now, sister?
Chart. Why, sure, brother, you know very little of female happiness, if you suppose the surprise of a new