must and will have it so, I tell you. Is not Miss Narcissa.-In the mean time, he has it, as it were, a marriage made above? They ordered me to brush up this letter for your shall meet, I'm positive. honour, from your humble servant, to comMed. Shall they? Then they must meet mand, TIMOTHY Trudge. where the marriage was made; for, hang me, Sir C. Hey day! here's a stile! the voyage if I think it will ever happen below. has jumbled the fellow's brains out of their Sir C. Ha!-and if that is the case-hang places; the water has made his head turn me, if I think you'll ever be at the celebration round. But no matter; mine turns round, too. I'll go and prepare Narcissa directly, Med. Yet, let me tell you, Sir Christopher they shall be married, slap-dash, as soon as Curry, my character is as unsullied as a sheet he comes from the quay. From Neptune to of white paper. Hymen; from the hammock to the bridal bed Ha! old boy! of it. Med. Well, well; don't flurry yourself— you're so hot! Sir C. Well said, old fool's-cap! and it's as mere a blank as a sheet of white paper. You are honest, old Medium, by comparison, just as a fellow sentenced to transportation is hap- Sir C. Hot! blood, arn't I in the West Inpier than his companion condemned to the dies? Arn't I Governor of Barbadoes? He shall gallows-Very worthy, because you are no have her as soon as he sets his foot on shore, rogue; tender hearted, because you never go -She shall rise to him like Venus out of the to fires and executions; and an affectionate sea. His hair puffed! He ought to have been father and husband, because you never pinch puffing, here, out of breath, by this time. your children, or kick your wife out of bed. Med. Very true; but Venus's husband is Med. And that, as the world goes, is more always supposed to be lame, you know, Sir than every man can say for himself. Yet, Christopher. since you force me to speak my positive qua- Sir C. Well, now do, my good fellow, run lities-but, no matter,-you remember me in down to the shore, and see what detains him. London: didn't I, as member of the Humane Society, bring a man out of the New, River, who, it was afterwards found, had done me an injury? [Hurrying him off. Med. Well, well; I. will, I will. [Exit. Sir C. In the mean time, I'll get ready Narcissa, and all shall be concluded in a second. Sir C. And, dam'me, if I would not kick My heart's set upon it. Poor fellow! after any man into the New River that had done all his rambles, and tumbles, and jumbles, and me an injury. There's the difference of our fits of despair—I shall be rejoiced to see him. honesty. Oons! if you want to be an honest I have not seen him since he was that high. fellow, act from the impulse of nature. Why, -But, zounds! he's so tardy! you have no more gall than a pigeon. Med. Ha! You're always so hasty; among the hodge-podge of your foibles, passion is always predominant. Sir C. So much the better.-Foibles, quotba? foibles are foils that give additional lustre to the gems of virtue. You have not so many foils as 1, perhaps. Med. And, what's more, I don't want 'em, sir Christopher, I thank you. Sir C. Very true; for the devil a gem have you to set off with 'em. Enter a Servant. Serv. A strange gentleman, sir, come from the quay, desires to see you. Sir C. From the quay? Od's my life!—Ti he-Tis_Inkle! Show him up, directly. [Exit Servant] The rogue is expeditious after all.I'm so happy. Enter CAMPLEY. My dear fellow! [Embracing him] I'm 'rejoiced to see you. Welcome; welcome here, Med. Well, well; I never mention errors; with all my soul! that, I flatter myself, is no disagreeable qua- Camp. This reception, Sir Christopher, is lity. It don't become me to say you are hot. beyond my warmest wishes. - Unknown to Sir C. 'Sblood! but it does become you: it youbecomes every man, especially an Englishman, to speak the dictates of his heart. Enter a Servant. Serv. An English vessel, sir, just arrived in the harbour. Sir C. A vessel! Od's my life! Now for the news-If it is but as I hope-Any dispatches? Sir C. Aye, aye; we shall be better acquainted by and by. Well, and how, eh! Tell me!-But old Medium and I have talked over your affair a hundred times a day, ever since Narcissa arrived. Camp. You surprise me! Are you then really acquainted with the whole affair? Sir C. Every tittle. Camp. And, can you, sir, pardon what is Serv. This letter, sir, brought by a sailor past?from the quay. [Exit. Sir C. Pook! how could you help it? Med. Well, read, Sir Christopher. Sir C. [Opening the Letter] Huzza! here-andit is. He's safe-safe and sound at Barbadoes. Sir C. Aye, aye; but we have had a hun[Reading] Sir, My master, Mr. Inkle, is dred conjectures about you. Your despair and just arrived in your harbour. Here, read, distress, and all that.-Your's must have been read! old Mediuma damned situation, to say the truth. Med. [Reading] Um-Your harbour-we Camp. Cruel indeed, Sir Christopher! and were taken up by an English vessel on the I flatter myself will move your compassion. 14th ult. He only waits till I have puffed I have been almost inclined to despair, indeed, his hair, to pay his respects to you, and as you say, but when you consider the past state of my mind-the black prospect before me. Sir C. Ha! ha! Black enough, I dare say. Camp. The difficulty I have felt in bringing myself face to face to you. Sir C. That I am convinced of-but I knew you would come the first opportunity. Camp. Very true: yet the distance between the Governor of Barbadoes and myself. [Bowing. Sir C. Yes-a devilish way asunder. Camp. Granted, sir: which has distressed me with the cruelest doubts as to our meeting. Sir C. It was a toss up1). Camp. The old gentleman seems devilish kind. Now to soften him. [Aside] Perhaps,| sir, in your younger days, you may have been in the same situation yourself. Sir C. Who? I! 'sblood! no, never in my life. Camp. I wish you had, with all my soul, Sir Christopher. Sir C. Upon my soul, sir, I am very much obliged to you. [Bowing. Camp. As what I now mention might have! greater weight with you. Sir C. Pooh! pr'ythee! I tell you I pitied you from the bottom of my heart. Camp. Indeed!-If, with your leave, I still venture to mention Miss Narcissa may Sir C. An impatient, sensible young dog! like me to a hair! Set your heart at rest, my boy. She's your's; your's before to-morrow morning. Camp. Amazement! I can scarce believe my senses. Sir C. Zounds! you ought to be out of your senses: but dispatch-make short work of it, ever while you live, my boy. Enter NARCISSA and PATTY. Patty, Mercy on us! what a walk I have had of it! Well, matters go on swimmingly at the governor's-The old gentleman has order'd the carriage, and the young couple will Here, girl: here's your swain. [To Narcissa. be whisk'd, here, to church, in a quarter of Camp. I just parted with my Narcissa, on an hour. My business is to prevent young the quay. sobersides, young Inkle, from appearing, to Sir C. Did you! Ah, sly dog-had a meet-interrupt the ceremony.-Ha! here's the Crown, where I hear he is hous'd. So now to find ing before you came to the old gentleman. But here-Take him, and make much of him Trudge, and trump up a story, in the true -and, for fear of further separations, you stile of a chambermaid [Goes into the House. shall e'en be tack'd together directly. What Patty, within] I tell you it don't signify, and say you, girl? I will come up. [Trudge, within] But it does Camp. Will my Narcissa consent to my signify, and you can't come up. happiness? Nar. I always obey my father's commands, with pleasure, sir. Sir C. Od! I'm so happy, I hardly know which way to turn; but we'll have the carriage directly; drive down to the quay; trundle old Spintext into church; aud hey for matrimony! Camp. With all my heart, sir Christopher; the sooner the better. SIR CHRISTOPHER, CAMPLEY, NARCISSA, PATTY. Re-enter PATTY, with TRUDdge. Patty. Savage! Pretty behaviour you have pick'd up among the Hottypots! Your London civility, like London itself, will soon be lost in smoke, Mr. Trudge; and the politeness you have studied so long in Thread-needle-street, blotted out by the blacks you have been living with. Trudge. No such thing; I practis'd my politeness all the while I was in the woods. Our very lodging taught me good manners; for I could never bring myself to go into it without bowing. Patty. Don't tell me! A mighty civil reception you give a body, truly, after a six weeks parting. Trudge. Gad, you're right; I am a little out here, to be sure. [Kisses her] Well, how do you do? Patty. Pshaw, fellow! I want none of your kisses. Trudge. Oh! very well I'll take it again. [Offers to kiss her. Patty. Be quiet: I want to see Mr. Inkle; I have a message to him from Miss Narcissa. I shall get a sight of him, now, I believe. Trudge. May be not. He's a little busy present. Patty. Well? Trudge. Can you keep a secret? Trudge. Then [Whispering] my master keeps a girl. Patty. Oh monstrous! another woman? two. Patty. [Aside] Rare news for my mistress! at-Why I can hardly believe it; the grave, sly, steady, sober Mr. Inkle, do such a thing! Trudge. Pooh! it's always your sly, sober fellows, that go the most after the girls. Patty. Well; I should sooner suspect you. Trudge. Me? Oh Lord! he he!-Do you Patty. Busy-ha! Plodding! What he's at his multiplication again? Trudge. Very likely; so it would be a pity to interrupt him, you know. Patty. Certainly; and the whole of my bu-think any smart, tight, little, black-eyed wench, siness was to prevent his hurrying himself-would be struck with my figure? [Conceitedly. Tell him, we shan't be ready to receive him, Patty. Pshaw! never mind your figure. at the governor's, till to-morrow, d'ye hear? Tell me how it happen'd? Trudge. No? Patty. No. Things are not prepared. The place isn't in order; and the servants have not had proper notice of the arrival. Trudge. Oh! let me alone to give the servants notice-rat-tat-tat-It's all the notice we had in Threadneedle-street of the arrival of a visitor1). Patty. Threadneedle-street! Threadneedle nonsense! I'd have you to know we do every thing here with an air. Matters have taken another turn-Stile! Stile, sir, is required here, I promise you. Trudge. Turn-Stile!2) And pray what stile will serve your turn now, Madam Patty? Trudge. You shall hear: when the ship left us ashore, my master turn'd as pale as a sheet of paper. It isn't every body that's blest with courage, Patty. Patty. True! Trudge. However, I bid him chear up; told him, to stick to my elbow: took the lead, and began our march. Patty. Well? Trudge. We hadn't gone far, when a damn'd one-eyed black boar, that grinn'd like a devil, came down the hill in a jog trot! My master melted as fast as a pot of pomatum! Paity. Mercy on us! Trudge. But what does I do, but whips Patty. Á due dignity and decorum, to be out my desk knife, that I us'd to cut the quills sure. Sir Christopher intends Mr. Inkle, you with at home; met the monster, and slit up know, for his son-in-law, and must receive his throat like a pen-The boar bled like a him in public form, (which can't be till to- pig. morrow morning) for the honour of his go- Patty. Lord! Trudge, what a great traveller vernorship: why the whole island will ring you are! of it. Trudge. The devil it will! Patty. Yes; they've talk'd of nothing but my mistress's beauty and fortune for these six weeks. Then he'll be introduced to the bride, you know. Trudge. O, my poor master! Trudge. Yes; I remember we fed on the flitch for a week. Patty. Well, well; but the lady. Trudge. The lady? Oh, true. By and by we came to a cave-a large hollow room, under-ground, like a warehouse in the Adelphi-Well; there we were half an hour, bePatty. Then a public breakfast; then a pro- fore I could get him to go in; there's no accession; then, if nothing happens to prevent counting for fear, you know. At last, in we it, he'll get into church and be married in a went to a place hung round with skins, as it crack. might be a furrier's shop, and there was a Trudge. Then he'll get into a damn'd scrape, fine lady, snoring on a bow and arrows. in a crack. Ah! poor madam Yarico! My poor pilgarlic of a master, what will become of him! [Half aside. Patty. Why, what's the matter with the booby? Trudge. Nothing, nothing-he'll be hang'd for poli-bigamy. Patty. Polly who? Trudge. It must out-Patty! Patty. What, all alone? Trudge. Eh!-No-no-Hum-She had a young lion by way of a lap-dog. Patty. Gemini; what did you do? Trudge. With her beauty, you ninny, to be sure: and they soon brought matters to bear. The wolves witness'd the contract-I gave her away-The crows croak'd amen; and we had board and lodging for nothing. Patty. And this is she he has brought to Trudge. The same. [Barbadoes? Patty. Well; and tell me, Trudge; — she's clock. If the party is present; the question is "how pretty, you say-Is she fair or brown? or 1) The clerks in London with their small, long, black port-folio under their arm, come to the door with double rap, presenting their bill, saying, "Bill for payment," if the party who is to pay the bill is not! present, or perhaps unprepared, the clerk is desired to leave a direction," (the address of the bearer of the bill) and the bill must be taken up (paid) before 5 o' much?" a check is given and the clerk retires; but so singularly laconic are they, that seldom one word more escapes them. 9) Turnstile is the name of an alley in Holborn. This is a miserable pun. Trudge. Um! she's a good comely copper. Trudge. Yes, quite dark; but very elegant; like a Wedgwood tea-pot. Patty. Oh! the monster! the filthy fellow! given her distant hints of parting; but still, Live with a black-a-moor! so strong her confidence in my affection, she Trudge. Why, there's no great harm in't, prattles on without regarding me. Poor YaI hope? rico! I must not-cannot quit her. When I' Patty. Faugh! I wou'dn't let him kiss me would speak, her look, her mere simplicity for the world: he'd make my face all smutty. disarms me: I dare not wound such innoTrudge. Zounds! you are mighty nice all cence. Simplicity is like a smiling babe; of a sudden; but I'd have you to know, ma- which, to the ruffian, that would murder it, dam Patty, that blackamoor ladies, as you call stretching its little, naked, helpless arms, pleads, 'em, are some of the very few, whose com- speechless, its own cause. And yet Narcissa's plexions never rub off! S'bud, if they did, familyWows and I shou'd have changed faces by this time-But mum; not a word for your life. Patty. Not I except to the Governor and -sir Enter TRUDge. Inkle. What now? Trudge. Nothing unexpected, sir:- I hope Trudge. I'm sorry for it: but I am come give you joy, sir! Inkle. Joy!-of what? Trudge. There he is, like a beau bespeakfamily. [Aside] But I'must run-and, remem-ing a coat-doubting which colour to chuse ber, Trudge, if your master has made a mistake here, he has himself to thank for his pains. [Exit. Trudge. Pshaw these girls are so plaguy you won't be angry. proud of their white and red! but I won't be Inkle. Angry! shamed out of Wows, that's flat. Master, to be sure, while we were in the forest, taught to Yarico to read, with his pencil and pocketbook. What then? Wows comes on fine and fast in her lessons. A little awkward at first to be sure.-Ha! ha!-She's so used to feed with her hands, that I can't get her to eat her victuals, in a genteel, Christian way, for the soul of me; when she has stuck a morsel on her fork, she don't know how to I guide it; but pops up her knuckles to her mouth, and the meat goes up to her ear. But, no matter-After all the fine, flashy London girls, Wowski's the wench for my money. A Clerk I was in London gay. Jemmy linkum feedle, And went in boots to see the play, I march'd the lobby, twirl'd my stick, The girls all cry'd, "He's quite the kick." Hey! for America I sail, Yankee doodle deedle; The sailor boys cry'd, "smoke his tail!" On English belles I turn'd my back, And got a foreign Fair, quite Black, Your London girls, with roguish trip May boast their pouting under-lip, Fiddle, faddle, feedle. My Wows wou'd beat a hundred such, Whose upper-lip pouts twice as much, Rings I'll buy to deck her toes; Jemmy linkum feedle; A feather fine shail grace her nose: With jealousy I ne'er shall burst; A white Othello, I can trust [Exit. SCENE II. A Room in the Crown. Enter INKLE. Inkle. I know not what to think I have Trudge. A wife, sir; a white one.-I know it will vex you, but Miss Narcissa means to make you happy, to-morrow morning. Inkle. To-morrow! Trudge. Yes, sir; and as I have been out of employ, in both my capacities, lately, after have dressed your hair, I may draw up the marriage articles. Inkle. Whence comes your intelligence, sir? Trudge. Patty told me all that has passed in the Governor's family, on the quay, sir. Women, you know, can never keep a secret. You'll be introduced in form, with the whole island to witness it. Inkle. So public too?-Unlucky! Trudge. There will be nothing but rejoicings, in compliment to the wedding, she tells me; all noise and uproar! Married peopie like it, they say. Inkle. Strange! That I should be so blind to my interest, as to be the only person this distresses! Trudge. They are talking of nothing else but the match, it seems. Inkle. Confusion! How can I, in honour, retract? Trudge. And the bride's meritsInkle. True!-A fund of merits!-I would not-but from necessity. case so nice as this-I-would not wish to retract. - a Trudge. Then they call her so handsome. Inkle. Very true! so handsome! the whole world would laugh at me: they'd call it folly to retract. Trudge. And then they say so much of her fortune. Inkle. O death! it would be madness to retract. Surely, my faculties have slept, and this long parting, from my Narcissa, has blunted my sense of her accomplishments. "Tis this alone makes me so weak and wavering. I'll see her immediately. [Going. Trudge. Stay, stay, sir; I am desired to tell you, the Governor won't open his gates to us till to-morrow morning, and is now making preparations to receive you at breakfast, with all the honours of matrimony. Inkle. Well, be it so; it will 102 give me time, at all events, to put my affairs in train. Trudge. Yes; it's a short respite before execution; and if your honour was to go and comfort poor madam Yarico Inkle. Damnation! Scoundrel, how dare you offer your advice?—I dread to think of her! Inkle. Is he so hasty? Med. Hasty! he's all pepper-and wonders you are not with him, before it's possible to get at him. Hasty indeed! Why, he vows you shall have his daughter this very night. Inkle. What a situation! Med. Why, it's hardly fair just after a vo Trudge. I've done, sir, I've done-But Iyage. But come, bustle, bustle, he'll think know I should blubber over Wows all night, if I thought of parting with her in the morning. Inkle. Insolence! begone, sir! Trudge. Lord, sir, I only— you neglect him. He's rare and touchy, I can tell you; and if he once takes it in his head that you show the least slight to his daughter, it would knock up all your schemes in a minute. rico! Inkle. Get down stairs, sir, directly. Trudge. [Going out] Ah! you may well Inkle. Confusion! if he should hear of Yaput your hand to your head; and a bad head [Aside. it must be, to forget that Madam Yarico pre- Med. But at present you are all and all vented her countrymen from peeling off the with him; he has been telling me his intenupper part of it. [Aside] [Exit. tions these six weeks: you'll be a fine warm Inkle. 'Sdeath, what am I about? How husband, I promise you. have I slumbered? Is it 1?-I-who, in Inkle. This cursed connexion! Aside. London, laughed at the younkers of the town Med. It is not for me, though, to tell you -and when I saw their chariots, with some how to play your cards; you are a prudent fine, tempting girl, perked in the corner, come young man, and can make calculations in a shopping to the city, would cry-Ah!-there wood. sits ruin-there flies the Greenhorn's money! Inkle. Fool! fool! fool! [Aside. then wondered with myself how men could Med. Why, what the devil is the matter trifle time on women; or, indeed, think of with you? any women without fortunes. And now, for- Inkle. It must be done effectually, or all sooth, it rests with me to turn romantic puppy, is lost; mere parting would not conceal it. and give up all for love.-Give up!-Oh, monstrous folly:-thirty thousand pounds! Trudge. [Peeping in at the door] Trudge. May I come in, sir? [Aside. Med. Ah! now he's got to his damned square root again, I suppose, and old Nick would not move him-why, nephew! Inkle. What does the booby want? Inkle. The planter that I spoke with canTrudge. Sir, your uncle wants to see you. not be arrived-but time is precious-the first Inkle. Mr. Medium! show him up directly. I meet-common prudence now demands it. [Exit Trudge. I'm fixed; I'll part with her. [Aside] [Exit. He must not know of this. To-morrow!-1) Med. Damn me, but he's mad! the woods wish this marriage were more distant, that I have turned the poor boy's brains: he's scalped, might break it to her by degrees: she'd take aud gone crazy! hoho! Inkle! nephew! gad, my purpose better, were it less suddenly de- I'll spoil your arithmetic, I warrant me. livered. Enter MEDIUM. Med. Ah, here he is! Give me your hand, nephew! welcome, welcome to Barbadoes, with all my heart! SCENE III.The Quay. [Exit. Enter SIR CHRISTOPHER CURRY. Sir Chr. Ods my life! I can scarce contain my happiness. I have left them safe in Inkle. I am glad to meet you here, uncle! church in the middle of the ceremony. I Med. That you are, that you are, I'm sure. ought to have given Narcissa away, they told Lord! lord! when we parted last, how I me; but I capered about so much for joy, wished we were in a room together, if it was that old Spintext advised me to go and cool but the black hole! I have not been able to my heels on the quay. till it was all over. sleep o'nights, for thinking of you. I've laid Od, I'm so happy; and they shall see, now, awake, and fancied I saw you sleeping your what an old fellow can do at a wedding. last, with your head in the lion's mouth, for a night-cap; and I've never seen a bear brought over, to dance about the street, but I thought you might be bobbing up and down in its belly, Inkle. I am very much obliged to you. Med. Ay, ay, I am happy enough to find you safe and sound, I promise you. But you have a fine prospect before you now, young I am come to take you with me to Sir Christopher, who is impatient to see you. Inkle. To-morrow, I hear, he expects me. man. Enter INKLE. Inkle. Now for dispatch! hark'ee, old gentleman! [To the Governor. Sir Chr. Well, young gentleman? Inkle. If I mistake not, I know your business here. Sir Chr. 'Egad I believe half the island knows it, by this time. Inkle. Then to the point-I have a female, whom I wish to part with. Sir Chr. Very likely; it's a common case Med. To-morrow! directly-this-moment now adays, with many a man. -in half a second.-I left him standing on Inkle. If you could satisfy me you would tip-toe, as he calls it, to embrace you; and use her mildly, and treat her with more he's standing on tip-toe now in the great kindness than is usual-for I can tell you parlour, and there he'll stand till you come she's of no common stamp-perhaps we might to him. agrec. |