( Miss L. And would send me for a venture] Enter COLONEL in a Quaker's Habit. perhaps. Obud. Friend Pure thou art welcome: how Trade. One that will dress you in all the is it with friend Holdfast, and-all friends in pride of Europe, Asia, Africa, and America —a Dutch merchant, my girl. Sir P. A Dutchman! ha, ha! there's a husband for a fine lady.-Ya frow, will you meet myn slapen - ha, ha! he'll learn you to talk the language of the hogs, madam, ha, ha! Bristol? Timothy Littleworth, John Slenderbrain, and Christopher Keepfaith? Col. F. A goodly company! [Aside] They are all in health, I thank thee for them. Obad. Friend Holdfast writes me word, that thou camest lately from Pennsylvania: how do Trade. He'll teach you that one merchant all friends there? is of more service to a nation than fifty cox- Col. F. What the devil shall I say? I know combs. 'Tis the merchant makes the belle.just as much of Pennsylvania as I do of BrisHow would the ladies sparkle in the box, with-tol. [Aside. French brocade! The Italian fan! The Flan- Col. F. Yea, friend, the blessing of their ders lace! The fine Dutch holland! How would good works fall upon them. they vent their scandal over their tea-tables? And where would your beaux bave Champagne to toast their mistresses, were it not for the merchant. out the merchant? The Indian diamond! The Obad. Do they thrive? Enter MRS. PRIM and MISS LOVELY. Obad, Sarah, know our friend Pure. Obad. Verily, neighbour Tradelove, thou Mrs. P. Thou art welcome. [He salutes her. dost waste thy breath about, nothing-All that Col. F. Here comes the sum of all my wishes. thou hast said tendeth only to debauch youth, -How charming she appears even in that disand fill their heads with the pride and luxury guise! [Aside. of this world.-The merchant is a very great Obad. Why dost thou consider the maiden friend to satan, and sendeth as many to his so attentively, friend. dominions as the pope. Col. F. I will tell thee: About four days ago Per. Right; I say knowledge makes the man. I saw a vision-This very maiden, but in vain Obad. Yea, but not thy kind of knowledge attire, standing on a precipice, and heard a -it is the knowledge of truth-Search thou voice which called me by my name-and bid for the light within, and not for baubles, friend. me put forth my hand and save her from the Miss L. Ah, study your country's good, Mr. pit.-I did so, and methought the damsel grew Periwinkle, and not her insects.-Rid you of unto my side. your homebred monsters, before you fetch any from abroad. I dare swear you have maggots enough in your own brain to stock all the virtuosos in Europe with butterflies. Sir P. By my soul, miss Nancy's a wit. Obad. That is more than she can say of thee, friend.-Lookye, 'tis in vain to talk, when I meet a man worthy of her, she shall have my leave to marry him. Mrs. P. What can that portend? Obad. The damsel's conversion-I am persuaded. Miss L. That's false, I'm sure [Aside. Obad. Wilt thou use the means, friend Pure? Col. F. Means! What means? Is she not thy daughter, already one of the faithful? Mrs. P. No, alas! she's one of the ungodly. Obad. Pray thee mind what this good man Miss L. Provided he be of the faithful-Was will say unto thee: he will teach thee the there ever such a swarm of caterpillars to blast way thou shouldst walk, Anne. I the hopes of a woman! [Aside] Know this, Miss L. I know my way without his inthat you contend in vain: I'll have no hus-struction: I hop'd to have been quiet when once band of your choosing, nor shall you lord it had put on your odious formality here. over me long.—I'll try the power of an Eng- Col. F. Then thou wearest it out of comlish senate-Orphans have been redressed and pulsion, not choice, friend? wills set aside and none did ever deserve their pity more.-O Feignwell! where are thy promises to free me from those vermin? Alas! the task was more difficult than be imagined! A harder task than what the poets tell Of yore, the fair Andromeda befell; She but one monster fear'd, I've four to fear, And see no Perseus, no deliv'rer near. Enter Servant. Serv. [Whispers to Obad.] The is mad. [Exit. Miss L. Thou art in the right of it, friendMrs. P. Art thou not ashamed to mimic the good man? Ah! thou stubborn girl. Col. F. Mind her not; she hurteth not me -If thou wilt leave her alone with me, I will discuss some few points with her, that may perchance soften her stubbornness, and melt her into compliance. Obad. Content: I pray thee put it home to her.-Come, Sarah, let us leave the good man with her. Miss. L. [Catching hold of Prim; he breaks woman loose; exeunt Obad. and Mrs. P.] What, do you mean to leave me with this old en[Exit. thusiastical canter? Don't think because I complied with your formality, to impose your ridiculous doctrine upon me. Sir P. So are you all, in my opinion. Serv. One Simon Pure inquireth for thee. [Exit. Obad. Friend Tradelove, business requireth my presence. Col. F. I pray thee, young woman, moderate thy passion. Trade. Oh, I shan't trouble you-Pox take Miss L. I pray thee walk after thy leader, him for an unmannerly dog-However, I have you will but lose your labour upon me.kept my word with my Dutchman, and I'll These wretches will certainly make me mad! introduce him too for all you. Col. F. I am of another opinion! the spirit telleth me 'I shall convert thee, Anne. Miss L. 'Tis a lying spirit, don't believe it. Col. F. Say'st thou so ? Why then thou shalt convert me, my angel. [Catching her in his arms. Miss L. [Shrieks] Ah! monster, hold off, or I'll tear thy eyes out. Col. F. Hush! for heaven's sake-dost thou not know me? I am Feignwell. Miss L. Feignwell. Re-enter OBADIAH PRIM. Oh, I'm undone! Prim here-I wish with all my soul I had been dumb. Obad. What is the matter? Why didst thou shriek out, Anne? Enter SERVANT. Serv. There is another Simon Pure, inquireth for thee, master. Gol. F. The devil there is. [Aside. Obad. Another Simon Pure! I do not know him, is he any relation of thine? Col. F. No, friend, I know him not.-Pox Miss. L. What shall I do? Col. F. Humph! then one of us must go down, that's certain-Now impudence assist me. Enter SIMON PURE. Obad. What is thy will with me, friend? Obad. Yea, and Simon Pure is already here, friend. Miss. L. Shriek out! I'll shriek and shriek again, cry murder, thieves, or any thing, to Aminadab Holdfast of Bristol, concerning one drown the noise of that eternal babbler, if Simon Pure? you leave me with him any longer. Obad. Was that all? Fie, fie, Anne. Col. F. No matter, I'll bring down her stomach, I'll warrant thell-Leave us, I pray thee? Obad. Fare thee well. Verily, I was afraid the flesh had got the better of the spirit. [Exit. Col. F. My charming lovely woman! [Embraces her. Miss L. What meanest thou by this disguise, Feignwell? Col. F. And Simon Pure will stay here, friend, if it be possible. Aside. Simon. That's an untruth, for I am he. Col. F. Take thou heed, friend, what thou dost say: I do affirm that I am Simon Pure. Simon. Thy name may be Pure, friend, but not that Pure. Col. F. Yea, that Pure which my good Col. F. To set thee free, if thou wilt per-friend, Aminadab Holdfast, wrote to my friend form thy promise. Miss L. Make me mistress of my fortune, and make thy own conditions. Col. F. This night shall answer all my wishes. -See here I have the consent of three of thy guardians already, and doubt not but Prim will make the fourth. [Obadiah listening. Obad. I would gladly hear what arguments the good man useth to bend her. [Aside. Miss. L. Thy words give me new life, me thinks. Obad. What do I hear? Prim about: the same Simon Pure that came I Simon. Thy name! I am astonished! Miss. L. Oh, he'll out-cant him.-Undone, undone for ever. [Aside. Miss. L. Thou best of men, heaven meant Col. F. Hark thee, friend, thy sham will to bless me sure, when I first saw thee. not take-Don't exert thy voice, thou art too Obad. He hath mollified her-O wonderful well acquainted with satan to start at him, conversion! thou wicked reprobate-What can thy design Col. F. [Softly] Ha! Prim listening.-No be here? more, my love, we are observed: seem to be edified, and give 'em hopes that thou wilt turn quaker, and leave the rest to me. [Aloud. I am glad to find that thou art touched with what I said unto thee, Anne; another time I will explain the other article unto thee: in the mean while be thou dutiful to our friend Enter a SERVANT who gives PRIM a Letter. Obad. One of these must be a counterfeit, but which I cannot say. Col. F. What can that letter be? [Aside. Simon. Thou must be the devil, "friend, that's certain; for no human power can speak so great a falsehood. Prim. Miss. L. I shall obey thee in every thing. Obad. This letter sayeth that thou art better [Obadiah comes forward. acquainted with that prince of darkness, than Obad. Oh, what a prodigious change is here! any here-Read that, I pray thee, Simon. Thou hast wrought a miracle, friend! Anne, [Gives it to the Colonel. how dost thou like the doctrine he hath Col. F. 'Tis Freeman's hand.- [Reads] preached? There is a design formed to rob your Miss. L. So well, that I could talk to him house this night, and cut your throat; and for ever, methinks-I am ashamed of my for- for that purpose there is a man disguised mer folly, and ask your pardon. like a quaker, who is to pass for one SiCol. F. Enough, enough, that thou art sorry: mon Pure: the gang, whereof I am one, he is no pope, Anne. though now resolved to rob no more, has Obad. True, I am, no pope, Anne. Verily, been at Bristol: one of them came in the thou dost rejoice me exceedingly, friend: will coach with the quaker, whose name he hath it please thee to walk into the next room, and taken; and from what he hath gathered refresh thyself?-Come, take the maiden by from him, formed that design, and did not the hand. doubt but he should impose so far upon you as to make you turn out the real Si Col. F. We will follow thee. mon Pure, and keep him with you. Make meaneth this struggling within me? I feel the the right use of this. Adieu.-Excellent well! spirit resisteth the vanities of this world, but [Aside. the flesh is rebellious, yea, the flesh-1 greatly Obad. Dost thou hear this? fear the flesh and the weakness thereofSimon. Yea, but it moveth me not: that Obad. The maid is inspir'd. [Aside] Prodoubtless is the impostor. digious! The damsel is filled with the spirit Sarah. [To Simon Pure. hum-1) [Pointing at the Colonel. Enter MRS. PRIM. Mrs. P. I am greatly rejoiced to see such Col. F. Ah! thou wicked one-now I consider thy face, I remember thou didst come up in the leathern conveniency with methou hadst a black bob-wig on, and a brown a change in our beloved Anne. I came to camblet coat with brass buttons-Canst thou deny it, ha? Simon. Yes, I can, and with a safe science too, friend. tell thee that supper stayeth for thee. Col. F. I am not disposed for thy food; con- my spirit longeth for more delicious meat!fain would I redeem this maiden from the most tribe of sinners, and break those cords asunder wherewith she is bound-hum Obad. Verily, friend, thou art the impudent villain I ever saw. Miss L. Nay, then, I'll have a fling at him. Miss L. Something whispers in my ears, [Aside] I remember the face of this fellow methinks that I must be subject to the will at Bath-Ay, this is he that pick'd my lady of this good man, and from him only must Raffle's pocket in the grove-Don't you re- hope for consolation-hum-It also telleth me member that the mob pump'd 1) you, friend? that I am a chosen vessel to raise up seed -This is the most notorious rogueto the faithful, and that thou must consent Simon. What does provoke thee to seek my that we two be one flesh according to the life? Thou wilt not hang me, wilt thou, word-humwrongfully? Obad. What a revelation is here! This is Obad. She will do thee no hurt, nor thou certainly part of thy vision, friend; this is shalt do me none; therefore get thee about the maiden's growing unto thy side: ah! with thy business, friend, and leave thy wicked what willingness should I give thee my concourse of life, or thou mayst not come off so sent, could I give thee her fortune too-but favourably every where. Simon, I pray thee, thou wilt never get the consent of the wicked put him forth. ones. Col. F. I wish I was sure of yours. [Aside. Col. F. Go, friend, I would advise thee, and tempt thy fate no more. Simon. Yes, I will go; but it shall be to say, to find the spirit within thee; for lo, it thy confusion; I shall clear myself; I will moveth thee with natural agitation-yea, with return with some proofs that shall convince natural agitation towards this good man-yea, thee, Obadiah, that thou art highly imposed on. it stirreth, as one may say-yea, verily I say, [Exit. it stirreth up thy inclination-yea, as Col. F. Then there will be no staying for would stir a pudding. me, that's certain-what the devil shall I do? All. Hum! [Aside. one Miss L. I see, I see! the spirit guiding of Obad. What monstrous works of iniquity thy hand, good Obadiah Prim, and now beare there in this world, Simon? hold thou art signing thy consent-and now Col. F. Yea, the age is full of vice-'Sdeath, I see myself within thy arms, my friend and I am so confounded I know not what to say. brother, yea, I am become bone of thy bone, [Aside. and flesh of thy flesh. [Embracing him] Obad. Thou art disorder'd, friend,-art thou Humnot well? Mrs. P. The spirit hath greatly moved them Col. F. My spirit is greatly troubled, and both-friend Prim, thou must consent; there's something telleth me, that though I have no resisting of the spirit! wrought a good work in converting this maiden, Obad, Fetch me the pen and ink, Sarahthis tender maiden, yet my labour will be and my hand shall confess its obedience to in vain: for the evil spirit fighteth against her: the spirit. [Exit Mrs. Prim. and I see, yea I see with the eye of my in- Col. F. I wish it were over. ward man, that satan will re-buffet her again, Re-enter MRS. PRIM, with Pen and Ink. whenever I withdraw myself from her; and Miss L. I tremble lest this quaking rogue she will, yea, this very damsel will return again to that abomination from whence I have should return, and spoil all. [Aside retriev'd her, as it were, yea, as if it were Obad. Here, friend, do thou write what out of the jaws of the fiend.the spirit prompteth, and I will sign it. Miss L. I must second him. [Aside] What 1) Any gentleman or other found with his hand in his neighbour's pocket, or with any thing that he has taken from the said neighbour's pocket, with an intent to steal, is forthwith taken to the nearest pump, and held with his head below the cold stream, which is pumped upon him, without intermission, till he, the said pickpocket is half drowned. Then all the boys of the parish assemble together and hunt the poor wretch all through the streets, till he can find some hole to hide himself. The English, as in the time of Richard I, seem to like to take the law into their own hands, witness the frequent boxing-matches in the street. [Col. L. sits down. Col. F. [Reads] This is to certify all 1) This hum is intended to express the long sigh, or rather groan, that is performed by the Quakers, at the end of a speech to which the spirit has moved them. The actor makes this irresistibly comic on the stage, by clasping his hands, sticking his elbows close to his side, his feet close-joined and completely straight, head and eyes raised towards the ceiling, and then, in this position, raises himself on his toes at the beginning of the word hu-and enforces the emphasis by degrees coming down again en his heels at the full point-m his thumbs twirling rapidly in the mean time. whom it may concern, that I do freely Trade. Harkye, miss Lovely, one word with give all my right and title in Anne Lovely, you. [Takes hold of her Hand. to Simon Pure, and my full consent that Col. F. This maiden is my wife, thanks to my she shall become his wife according to the friend Prim, and thou hast no business with form of marriage. Witness my hand. her. [Takes her from him. Obad. That's enough-give me the pen. Trade. His wife! harkye, Mr. Freeman. Per. Why you have made a very fine piece of work of it, Mr. Prim. [Signs it. Enter BETTY, running to MISS LOVELY. Sir P. Married to a quaker! thou art a fine Betty. Oh! madam, madam, here's the fellow to be left guardian to an orphan truly quaking man again: he has brought a coach--there's a husband for a young lady! man, and two or three more. Miss L. Ruin'd past redemption! Col. F. When I have put on my beau clothes, sir Philip, you'll like me betterSir P. Thou wilt make a very scurvy beau [Aside to the Colonel. Col. F. No, no; one minute sooner had-friendspoil'd all; but now-here's company coming, friend, give me the paper. [Going to Prim hastily. Obad. Here it is, Simon; and I wish thee happy with the maiden. Col. F. I believe I can prove it under your hand that you thought me a very fine gentleman in the Park t'other day, about thirty-six minutes after eleven; will you take a pinch, sir Philip?-One of the finest snuff-boxes you Miss L.'Tis done; and now,devil,do thy worst. ever saw. [Offers him snuff. Sir P. Ha, ha, ha! I am overjoyed, 'faith I Enter SIMON PURE, Coachman, and others. am, if thou be'st the gentleman-I own I did Simon. Look thee, friend, I have brought give my consent to the gentleman I brought these people to satisfy thee that I am not that here to-day-but whether this is he I can't be impostor which thou didst take me for: this positive. is the man that did drive the leathern con- Obad. Canst thou not!-Now I think thou veniency, and brought me from Bristol-and art a fine fellow to be left guardian to an orthis isphan.-Thou shallow-brain'd shuttlecock, he may Col. F. Lookye, friend, to save the court be a pickpocket for aught thou dost know. the trouble of examining witnesses-I plead Per. You would have been two rare fellows guilty, ha, ha! to have been entrusted with the sole manage Obad. How's this? Is not thy name Pure then? ment of her fortune, would ye not, think ye? Col. F. No, really, sir; I only made bold But Mr. Tradelove and myself shall take care with this gentleman's name-but here I give of her portion. Free. I did so, and I am sure he will be here, if you'll have a little patience. it up safe and sound: it has done the business Trade. Ay, ay, so we will-Didn't you tell I had occasion for, and now I intend to wear me the Dutch merchant desired me to meet my own, which shall be at his service upon him here, Mr. Freeman? the same occasion at any time.— Ha, ha, ha! Simon. Oh! the wickedness of the age! [Exit Coachman, etc. Obad. I am struck dumb with thy impudence, Anne; thou hast deceiv'd me-and perchance undone thyself. Cot. F. What, is Mr. Tradelove impatient? Nay, then, ib ben gereet voor your, he be, Jan Van Timtamtirelereletta Heer Van Feignwell, vergeeten! Mrs. P. Thou art a dissembling baggage, and Trade. Oh! pox of the name! what have [Exit. you trick'd me too, Mr. Freeman? shame will overtake thee. Simon. I am grieved to see thy wife so much Col. F. Trick'd, Mr. Tradelove! did not I troubled: I will follow and console her. [Exit. give you two thousand pounds for your consent fairly? And now do you tell a gentleman he has trick'd you? Enter Servant. Sero. Thy brother guardians inquire for thee: Enter SIR PHILIP MODELOVE, TRADELOVE, Per. So, so, you are a pretty guardian, 'faith, to sell your charge: what, did you look upon her as part of your stock? Obad. Ha, ha, ha! I am glad thy knavery is found out, however-I confess the maiden overreached me, and I had no sinister end at all. Per. Ay, ay, one thing or other over-reached you all,-but I'll take care he shall never finger a penny of her money, I warrant youFree. Is all safe? Did my letter do you ser-over-reach'd, quotha! Why I might have been vice? [Aside to the Colonel. over-reach'd too, if I had no more wit: I don't Col F. All, all's safe! ample service. [Aside. know but this very fellow may be him that Sir P. Miss Nancy, how dost do, child? was directed to me from Grand Cairo t'other Miss L. Don't call me miss, friend Philip; day. Ha, ha, ha! my name is Anne, thou knowest. Col. F. The very same. Per. Are you so, sir? but your trick would Sir P. What, is the girl metamorphos'd? Col. F. No, as you say, at that time it did not, that was not my lucky hour-but, harkye, Obad. I am ashamed to see these men. [Aside. sir, I must let you into one secret—you may Sir P. My age! the woman is possess'd. keep honest John Tradescant's coat on, for Col. F. No, thou art possess'd rather, friend. your uncle, sir Toby Periwinkle, is not dead -so the charge of mourning will be saved, dam, who understands dress and good breedha, ha, ha!-Don't you remember Mr. Pillage, ing. I was resolved she should have one of your uncle's steward? Ha, ha, ha! my choosing. Per. Not dead! I begin to fear I am trick'd too. Col. F. Don't you remember the signing of a lease, Mr. Periwinkle? Trade. A beau! nay, then, she is finely help'd up. Miss L. Why beaus are great encouragers Per. Well, and what signifies that lease, if of trade, sir, ha, ha, ha! my uncle is not dead?-Ha! I am sure it was a lease I signed. Col. F. Ay, but it was a lease for life, sir, and of this beautiful tenement, I thank you. [Taking hold of Miss Lovely. Omnes. Ha, ha, ha! Neighbour's fare. Free. So then, I find, you are all trick'd, ha, ha! Per. I am certain I read as plain a lease as ever I read in my life. Col. F. Lookye, gentlemen-I am the person who can give the best account of myself; and I must beg sir Philip's pardon, when I tell him, that I have as much aversion to what he calls dress and breeding, as I have to the enemies of my religion. I have had the ho- . nour to serve his majesty, and headed a regiment of the bravest fellows that ever push'd bayonet in the throat of a Frenchman; and Col. F. You read a lease I grant you; but notwithstanding the fortune this lady brings you sign'd this contract. [Showing a Paper. me, whenever my country wants my aid, this Per. How durst you put this trick upon sword and arm are at her service. me, Mr. Freeman? Didn't you tell me my uncle was dying? Free. And would tell you twice as much to serve my friend, ha, ha! Sir. P. VVhat, the learned and famous Mr. Periwinkle chous'd too!-Ha, ha, ha!-I shall die with laughing, ha, ha, ha! Trade. Well, since you have out-witted us all, pray you what and who are you, sir? Sir P. Sir, the gentleman is a fine gentleman.-I am glad you have got a person, ma-! And now, my fair, if thou'lt but deign to smile, THE BUSY BODY, ACTED at the Theatre Royal in Drurylane 1709. At the rehearsal of it, Mr. Wilks had so mean on opinion of his part (Sir George Airy) that one morning in a passion he threw it off the stage into the pit, and swore that nobody would sit to hear such stuff. The poor frighted poetess (Mrs. Centlivre) begged him with tears to take it up again, which be did mutteringly and about the latter end of April the play was acted for the first time. There had been scarcely any thing mentioned of it in the town before it came out; but those who had heard of it, were told it was a silly thing written by a woman; that the players had no opinion of it, etc. and on the first day there was a very poor house, scarcely charges. Under these circumstances it cannot be supposed that the play appeared to much advantage; the audience only came there for want of another place to go to; but without any expectation of being much diverted. They were yawning at the beginning of it, but were agreeably surprised, more and more every act, till at last the house rung with as much applause as was possible to he given by so thin an audience. The next day there was a better house, and the third crowded for the benefit of the author, and so it continued till the thirteenth. To do justice to the author, it must be confessed, that although the language of it is very indifferent, and the plot mingled with some improbabilities, yet the amusing sprightliness of business, and the natural impertinence in the character of Marplot, make considerable amends for the above-mentioned deficiencies, and render it even to this hour an entertaining performance. The dumb scene of Sir George with Miranda, and the history of the garden gate, are both borrowed from Ben Jonson's comedy of The Devil's an Ass. This play was dedicated to Lord Somers. Sir Richard Steele, speaking of it, says, "The plot and the incidents are laid with that subtility of spirit which is peculiar to females of wit, and is very seldom well performed by those of the other sex, in whom craft in love is an act of intention, and not, as with women. the effect of nature and instinct." Sir G. There are some men, Charles, whom fortune has left free from inquietudes, who are diligently studious to find out ways and means to make themselves uneasy. Enter SIR GEORGE AIRY, meeting CHARLES Charles. Ha! sir George Airy a birding Charles. Is it possible that any thing in nathus early! What forbidden game rous'd you ture can ruffle the temper of a man whom so soon? for no lawful occasion could invite the four seasons of the year compliment with a person of your figure abroad at such un-as many thousand pounds; nay, and a father fashionable hours 1). at rest with his ancestors? 1) The people of fashion in London, in order to avoid their aversion, mixing with persons of any other rank than their own, turn the night into day, and the day into night; so that noon with them is generally carly in the morning, and in their calculation of time, the words afternoon and night are entirely left out |