SCENE III. The same. Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY. Touch. To-morrow is the joyful day, Audrey; to-morrow will we be married. Aud. I do desire it with all my heart and hope it is no dishonest desire, to desire to be a woman of the world. Here comes two of the banished duke's pages. Enter two Pages. 1 Page. Well met, honest gentleman. Touch. By my troth, well met: Come, sit, sit, and a song. 2 Page. We are for you: sit i'the middle. 1 Page. Shall we clap into't roundly, without hawking, or saying we are hoarse; which are the only prologues to a bad voice? 2 Page. And both in a tune, like two gypsies on a horse. SONG. I. It was a lover, and his lass, With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino, That o'er the green corn-field did pass, In the spring time, the only pretty rank time, When birds do sing, hey ding a ding, ding; Sweet lovers love the spring. 9 A married woman. II. This carol they began that hour, With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino, III. And therefore take the present time, With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino; For love is crowned with the prime In spring time, &c. Touch. Truly, young gentlemen, though there was no greater matter in the ditty, yet the note was very untuneable. 1 Page. You are deceived, sir; we kept time, we lost not our time. Touch. By my troth, yes; I count it but time lost to hear such a foolish song. Come, Audrey. [Exeunt. SCENE IV. Another part of the Forest. Enter Duke Senior, AMIENS, Jaques, ORLANDO, OLIVER, and CELIA. Duke S. Dost thou believe, Orlando, that the boy Can do all this that he hath promised? Orl. I sometimes do believe, and sometimes do not; As those that fear they hope, and know they fear. Enter ROSALIND, SILVIUS, and PHEBE. Ros. Patience once more, whiles our compact is urg'd: You say, if I bring in your Rosalind, [To the Duke. You will bestow her on Orlando here? Duke S. That would I, had I kingdoms to give with her. Ros. And you say, you will have her when I bring her? [TO ORLANDO. Orl. That would I, were I of all kingdoms king. Ros. You say, you'll marry me, if I be willing? [TO PHEBE. Phe. That will I, should I die the hour after. Ros. But, if you do refuse to marry me, You'll give yourself to this most faithful shepherd? Phe. So is the bargain. Ros. You say, that you'll have Phebe, if she will? [To SILVIUS. Sil. Though to have her and death were both one thing. Ros. I have promis'd to make all this matter even. Keep you your word, O duke, to give your daughter ; You yours, Orlando, to receive his daughter :- [Exeunt ROSALIND and CELIA. Whom he reports to be a great magician, Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDRey. Jaq. There is, sure, another flood toward, and these couples are coming to the ark! Here comes a pair of very strange beasts, which in all tongues are called fools. Touch. Salutation and greeting to you all! Jaq. Good my lord, bid him welcome: This is the motley-minded gentleman, that I have so often met in the forest: he hath been a courtier, he swears. Touch. If any man doubt that, let him put me to my purgation. I have trod a measure1; I have flattered a lady; I have been politick with my friend, smooth with mine enemy; I have undone three tailors; I have had four quarrels, and like to have fought one. Jaq. And how was that ta'en up? Touch. 'Faith, we met, and found the quarrel was upon the seventh cause. Jaq. How seventh cause? this fellow. Duke S. I like him very well. Good my lord, like Touch. Sir; I desire you of the like. I press in here, sir, amongst the rest of the country folks, to swear, and to forswear; according as marriage binds, and blood breaks: A poor virgin, sir, an illfavoured thing, sir, but mine own; a poor humour of mine, sir, to take that that no man else will: Rich honesty dwells like a miser, sir, in a poorhouse; as your pearl, in your foul oyster. Duke S. By my faith, he is very swift and sen tentious. · Touch. According to the fool's bolt, sir. A stately solemn dance. Jaq. But for the seventh cause; how did you find the quarrel on the seventh cause? Touch. Upon a lie seven times removed;― Bear your body more seeming, Audrey:—as thus, sir. I did dislike the cut of a certain courtier's beard; he sent me word, if I said his beard was not cut well, he was in the mind it was: This is called the Retort courteous. If I sent him word again, it was not well cut, he would send me word, he cut it to please himself: This is called the Quip modest. If again, it was not well cut, he disabled my judgment: This is call'd the Reply churlish. If again, it was not well cut, he would answer, I spake not true: This is call'd the Reproof valiant. If again, it not was well cut, he would say, I lie: This is called the Countercheck quarrelsome: and so to the Lie circumstantial, and the Lie direct. Jaq. And how oft did you say, his beard was not well cut? Touch. I durst go no further than the Lie circumstantial, nor he durst not give me the Lie direct; and so we measured swords, and parted. Jaq. Can you nominate in order now the degrees of the lie? Touch. O sir, we quarrel in print, by the book; as you have books for good manners: I will name you the degrees. The first, the Retort courteous; the second, the Quip modest; the third, the Reply churlish; the fourth, the Reproof valiant; the fifth, the Countercheck quarrelsome; the sixth, the Lie with circumstance; the seventh, the Lie direct. All these you may avoid, but the lie direct; and you may avoid that too, with an If. I knew when seven justices could not take up a quarrel: but when the parties were met themselves, one of them thought but of an If, as, If you said so, then I said and they shook hands, and swore brothers. Your If is the only peace-maker; much virtue in If. so; |