And many a corner we'd turn'd that just to a quarrel led,
When I ought to've held my temper, and driven straight ahead;
And the more I thought it over the more these memories came,
And the more I struck the opinion that I was the most to blame.

And things I had long forgotten kept risin' in my mind,

Of little matters betwixt us, where Betsy was good and kind; And these things they flash'd all through me, as you know things sometimes will,

When a feller's alone in the darkness, and every thing is still.

But," says I, "we're too far along to take another track,

And when I put my hand to the plough I do not oft turn back; And 'taint an uncommon thing now for couples to smash in two," And so I set my teeth together, and vow'd I'd see it through.

When I came in sight o' the house 'twas someʼat in the night,
And just as I turn'd a hill-top I see the kitchen light;
Which often a han'some pictur' to a hungry person makes,
But it don't interest a feller much that's goin' to pull up stakes.

And when I went in the house the table was set for me,
As good a supper's I ever saw, or ever want to see;
And I cramm'd the agreement down in my pocket as well as I

could,

And fell to eatin' my victuals, which somehow didn't taste good.

And Betsy she pretended to look about the house,

But she watch'd my side coat pocket like a cat would watch a

mouse;

And then she went to foolin' a little with her cup,

And intently readin' a newspaper, a-holdin' it wrong side up.

And when I'd done my supper I draw'd the agreement out,
An give it to her without a word, for she know'd what 'twas about,
And then I humm'd a little tune, but now and then a note

Was bu'sted by some animal that hopp'd up in

my throat.

Then Betsy she got her specks from off the mantle-shelf,

And read the article over quite softly to herself;

Read it by little and little, for her eyes is gettin' old,

And lawyers' writin' ain't no print, especially when it's cold.

And after she'd read a little she give my arm a touch,

And kindly said she was afraid I was 'lowin' her too much;

But when she was through she went for me, her face a-streamin'

with tears,

And kiss'd me for the first time in over twenty years.

I don't know what you'll think, Sir, — I didn't come to inquire, -
But I pick'd up that agreement and stuff'd it in the fire;
And I told her we'd bury the hatchet alongside of the cow;
And we struck an agreement never to have another row.

And I told her in the future I would'nt speak cross or rash,
If half the crockery in the house was broken all to smash;
And she said in regard to Heaven, we'd try and learn its worth
By startin' a branch establishment and runnin' it here on Earth.

And so we sat a-talkin' three-quarters of the night,

And open'd our hearts to each other until they both grew light; And the days when I was winnin' her away from so many men Was nothin' to that evenin' I courted her over again.

Next mornin' an ancient virgin took pains to call on us,
Her lamp all trimm'd and a-burnin' to kindle another fuss;
But, when she went to pryin' and openin' of old sores,
My Betsy rose politely, and show'd her out-of-doors.

Since then I don't deny but there's been a word or two;
But we've got our eyes wide open, and know just what to do:
When one speaks cross the other just meets it with a laugh,
And the first one's ready to give up considerable more than half.

Maybe you'll think me soft, Sir, a-talkin' in this style,

But somehow it does me lots of good to tell it once in a while;
And I do it for a compliment, 'tis so that you can see

That that there written agreement of yours was just the makin' of

me.

So make out your bill, Mr. Lawyer; don't stop short of an X.;
Make it more if you want to, for I have got the checks:
I'm richer than a National Bank, with all its treasures told,
For I've got a wife at home now that's worth her weight in gold.

X.

DIALECTIC.

COCKNEY.

LORD DUNDREARY PROPOSING.

F. J. SKILL.

ANY fellah feelth nervouth when he knowth he'th going to make an ath of himthelf.

But

That's vewy twue, —I—I've often thed tho before. the fact is, evewy fellah dothn't make an ath of himthelf, at least not quite such an ath as I've done in my time. Idon't mind telling you, but 'pon my word now, — I — I've made an awful ath of mythelf on thome occathions. You don't believe it now, do you? I thought you wouldn't ; but I have now weally. Particularly with wegard to women. To tell the twuth, that is my weakneth, I s'pose I'm what they call a ladies' man. The pwetty cweachaws like me, I know they do, though they pwetend not to do so. It it's the way with some fellahs. Let me see, - where was I?

O, I rekomember,

or weckolect, which is it? mind; I was saying that I was a ladies' man.

Never

I wanted to tell you of one successful advenchaw I had, at least, when I say successful, I mean it would have been as far as I was concerned, — but, of course, when two people are engaged, or wather, when one of 'em wants to be engaged, one fellah by himthelf can't engage that he'll engage affections that are otherwise engaged. By the way, what a lot of 'gages that was in one thentence, and yet it seems quite fruitless. Come, that's pwetty smart, that is for

me.

Well, as I was saying,

I mean, as I meant to have said, - when I was stopping down at Wockingham, with the Widleys, last Autumn, there was a mons'ous jolly girl staying I don't mean two girls, you know, — only — only But stop a minute, - is that right? How could What doosid queer expreslanguage! Stopping there

there too. one girl

one girl be stopping there two? sions there are in the English

too! It's vewy odd. I—I'll swear there was only one

girl,

at least, the one that I mean was only one, been two, of course, I should have known it,

for me.

one two

now, one is singular, and two is plural, — well, you know, she was a singular girl, — and she she was one too many Ah, I see now, - that accounts for it, many of course -I knew there was a two somewhere. She had a vewy queer name, Miss - miss not Miss Missmiss

I always miss the wrong

right name, Miss Chaffingham, that's it,

Chaffingham.

Missmiss, no

At the top of the long walk at Wockingham there is a summer-house, a jolly sort of place, with a lot of ferns and things about, and behind there are a lot of shrubs and bushes and pwickly plants, which give a sort of rural or wurwal · which is it? blest if I know look to the place, and as it I'm ever to make an ath of

was vewy warm, I thought if mythelf by pwoposing to this girl, I won't do it out in the eye of the Sun, it's so pwecious hot. So I pwoposed we should walk in and sit down, and so we did, and then I began:

"Miss Chaffingham, now, don't you think it doosid cool?” "Cool, Lord D.," she said; "why, I thought you were complaining of the heat."

"I beg your pardon,” I said, “I—I— can't speak vewy fast," (the fact is, that a beathly wasp was buthhing about me at the moment,)" and I hadn't quite finished my thentence. I was going to say, don't you think it doosid cool of Wagsby to go on laughing - at at a fellah as he does?" "Well, my Lord," she said, "I think so too; and I won

der you stand it.

know."

You - you have your remedy, you

"What remedy?" I said.

"You -you don't mean to

say I ought to thwash him, Miss Charlotte?"

Here she she somehow began to laugh, but in such a peculiar way that I—I couldn't think what she meant. "A vewy good idea,” I said. "I've a vewy good mind to twy it. I had on the gloves once with a lay figure in a painter's studio, and gave it an awful licking. It's twue, it—it

didn't hit back, you know; I—I did all

then. And pwaps

all the hitting

pwaps Wagsby would hit back. But, if if he did any thing so ungentlemanlike as that, I could always-"

always

"Always what, my Lord?" said Lotty, who was going on laughing in a most hysterical manner.

66

"Why, I could always say it was a mithtake, and — and it shouldn't happen again, you know."

"Admirable policy, upon my word," she thaid, and began tittering again. But what the dooth amused her so I never could make out. Just then we heard a sort of rustling in the leaves behind, and I confess I felt wather nervouth.

"It's only a bird," Lotty said; and then we began talking of that little wobbin-wedbreast, and what a wonderful thing Nature is, and how doosid pwetty it was to see her laws obeyed. And I said, "O Miss Chaffingham!" I said, "If I was a wobbin

"Yes, Dundreary," she anthered, vewy soft and sweet. And I thought to mythelf, - Now's the time to ask her, now's the time to—I—I was beginning to wuminate again, but she bought me to my thenses by saying,

"Yes?" interwoggatively.

"If I was a wobbin, Lotty, and and you were a wobbin "I exclaimed, with a full voice of emothun.

"Well, my Lord?"

"Wouldn't it be jolly to have thpeckled eggs evewy morning for bweakfast?"

That wasn't quite what I was going to say; but just then