After some time had passed in this state, it came to pass one night, that I dreamed I saw Jesus Christ crucified upon the cross before me, and I kneeling at the foot of the cross; I thought I said 'Blessed Jesus, didst thou suffer all this for my sins?' I then awoke in tears, with my mind overflowing with love, peace, and comfort, the sweetest I ever experienced in the whole of my pilgrimage, until the year 1829, I had sweet and frequent communion with Christ, and felt the assurance of the pardon of my sins, and the openness of his heart, and the freeness of his love to me.

Thus, while dandled on the knee, (Isaiah lvi. 12) I concluded my warfare was at an end; but the Lord soon undeceived me: when I was weaned from the milk, and drawn from the breast. (xxviii. 29.) My former convictions, which had been strong, had driven me to a close attention to church, but it now became a dead service to me. The Lord followed me with fresh power in the words, 'Come out from among them,' &c. and I was obliged to leave it. Notwithstanding all that stood in the way, the Lord gave me strength by this word, 'Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.' (2 Tim. iii. 11, 12.) And out of all the Lord delivered me.

But to cut short this part of my experience, I then went to hear the Arminians and other sects for a short time. I heard with great delight; read and prayed much; aided the system of making proselytes (Matt. xxiii. 15); walked in all the commandments and ordinances blameless. Here I felt myself at home, and began to bless myself, and cry Peace.

Sometimes, on reflecting on past experiences, and what I had gone through, I considered myself no common Christian; which filled me with pride and vanity. I thought I was rich and increased with goods, and needed nothing; not knowing that I was wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked. Rev. iii. 17.

After going on about three years in this condition, I fell into a cold and insensible state of mind, and sin began to break out at times, which much alarmed me. I lost my tenderness of conscience, my love, zeal, and enjoyment of the means. This made me fear greatly. Fretfulness, peevishness, and rebellion against cross-providences took hold of me, and I fell under a heavy temptation, which lay upon me eight or nine years after, and sorely afflicted my mind at times. This drove me close to the means, but I found no strength from them. Prayer became hard work, I strove to curb my evil nature, but in vain. Iniquities prevailed against me, and I feared greatly lest I should make shipwreck of faith and a good conscience; which often led me to cry out, Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.' Psalm li. 10.

I cleaved close to the means, though all was dry and barren. My mind became dark and bewildered, and my heart dreadfully hard, and my conscience seared as with a hot iron. I thought of a phrase I had heard, of being gospel-hardened. This seemed exactly my case-given up to a reprobate mind, (Rom. i. 28.) my heart seemed filled up with all unrighteousness, darkness, and confusion. Whatever I heard or read, whether of judgments or of mercies, made no impression. These things could not soften my wretched heart. After I had been in this state for a length of time, these words came into my mind with much sweetness and comfort: I the Lord do keep it,' Isa. xvii. 3; which in some measure relieved my sorrow, and gave me a little hope. But this proved very short my miseries and sorrows all returned as before. Soon after this, the doctrine of Election was brought before me; and my heart raged with the most awful enmity and rebellion against God, and I felt as if I could tear the Almighty from his throne; and as if, rather than be saved by Christ alone, I would be damned in hell for ever.

My soul trembles, as I look back at these awful thoughts, (which I well remember,) and I rejoice in the tender mercies of my dear covenant God. When these desperate fits were over, and my mind was a little calmed, then the wretched nature of my sin and my awful condition almost chilled my blood, and sunk down my soul into deep despair.

After about twelve months, these words stopped my mouth from caviling at the doctrine of Election, 'Is it not lawful for me to do what I will with mine own?' 'Woe to him that striveth with his Maker,' Mat. xx. 15. Isa. xlv. 9. But my heart still rebelled against the sovereignty of God. After this the word of the Lord came with power into my heart, I know you, that you have not the love of God in you.' John v. 22. It came as if the Lord had singled me out from all the world, and pointed at me with the finger; 'I know you,' &c. while I felt his piercing eye, ransacking every corner of my wretched heart. This proved it to be the word of the Lord, quick and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. 'Heb. iy. 12. In this furnace all my free-will religion seemed to be burnt up, and shown to be cursed hypocrisy before God. My mouth was stopped, and I was covered with shame and confusion, and filled with guilt and horror of soul. If I attempted to cry to God, there appeared nothing but wrath and terror before me, and Satan close upon me; so that I dare not open my mouth. If I attempted to ask a blessing on my food, as soon as I began to speak, these words would come with such power and stop me, and sink down my soul into the deepest distress, 'I will even curse your blessings,' Mal. ii. 2; and these words would follow me continually, 'Ye are cursed with a curse.' iii. 9.

The Lord had now laid judgment to the line and righ

teousness to the plummet; his hail was now sweeping away the refuge of lies, and his waters overflowing the hiding place. (Isa. xxviii. 17.) Behold he breaketh down and it cannot be built again; he shutteth up a man and there can be no opening.' Job xii. 14.; see Hosea ii. 6. to the end. I heard of the promises of God to them that believed; to them that loved and feared God, and that were sanctified; whose hearts were purified by faith, and who fled for refuge to lay hold on Christ, &c. But alas! as for me, had none of these things, but quite the reverse: I was full of sin, unbelief, rebellion, enmity, and darkness, and estranged from God; nor could I hear of any thing to give me hope.

In what a wretched state my mind was, and what were my feelings I cannot even attempt to describe; notwithstanding all this I still cleaved to the means, and sometimes had power to pour. out my complaints to the Lord, and to beg that he would bless the means to my soul. I laboured hard to keep up my profession, and to obtain peace of mind, and would fain have been delivered from my wretched state of mind, but could not.

After a long time waiting in this miserable condition, the Lord in mercy sent this sweet word with power into my soul, in a most miserable day of darkness and distress, (not under the means, as they are called, but when alone,)

I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known, I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight, these things will I do unto them and not forsake them.' The sweet power and comfort which came with these words made my soul weep for joy, and for a short season to forget its misery. I ran immediately to my Bible to find them, which I did in Isa. xlii. 16. But alas! in a few days all was doubted as being a delusion, and as coming from Satan; and I must go down again into the deep. My terrors returned with double force; my state seemed described by the apostle, Heb. vi. 4 to 8, x. 26

to 29. My sins appeared desperate; they were spiritual wickedness committed after I had received a knowledge of the truth; after being once enlightened, and having tasted the good word of God, &c. and it is impossible to renew such again to repentance, I thought I had rejected Christ as the only Saviour, and had done despite to the Spirit of grace. This seemed to explain the cause why my heart was given up to sin, and so filled with rebellion against God, that nothing was blessed, but all was full of cursing and bitterness, within and without, and that I could find no repentance; that my heart was sealed up, given over to a reprobate mind.

Sometimes in my distress these words would come and sink down my soul, Having eyes full of adultery and that cannot cease from sin.' 2 Pet. ii. 14. No! cannot cease from sin-all is sin; all my strength, and nature, thoughts, prayers, and profession; and a wretched heart full of sin, everflowing, overflowing; cannot cease from sin. After this, these words came: Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness, &c. but after thy hardness and impenitent heart, treasurest up unto thyself wrath against the day of wrath, and revelation of the righteous judgment of God.' What horror, distress, darkness, yea, what awful forebodings of the blackness of darkness for ever' came upon me. Jude 13th verse; Exod. xix. 16 to 19; Heb. xii. 21; Hab. iii. 16; Zep. i. 14 to 18; Joel ii. 1 to 11; Isa. ii. 10 to 22; Ezek. xxii. 17 to 22. What tongue or pen hath ever described what is felt in the soul while the Lord is leading his dear people into the knowledge of their ruined condition by nature, as all sin, and nothing but sin; and revealing his righteous judgments in the soul in its condemnation ?

Nothing now appeared but a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation which shall devour the adversaries' and what feelings are produced by this certain fearful looking for of judgment, can only be known (but not described) by those poor but precious souls, who