think, I could have flung his pantable down the stairs, or done him some other disgrace; but I wink'd at it, and drew on the good fool more and more, only to bring him within my compass.

Gostanzo. Why, this was policy in grain.

Cornelio. And now shall the world see I am as wise as my father.

Valerio. Is't come to this? then will I make a speech in praise of this reconcilement, including therein the praise and honour of the most fashionable and authentical HORN: stand close, gentles, and be silent.

[He gets into a chair. Gostanzo. Come on, let's hear his wit in this potable humour.

Valerio. The course of the world (like the life of man) is said to be divided into several ages: as we into infancy, childhood, youth, and so forward to old age; so the world into the golden age, the silver, the brass, the iron, the leaden, the wooden; and now into this present age, which we term the Horned-age; not that but former ages have enjoy'd this benefit as well as our times, but that in ours it is more common, and nevertheless precious. It is said, that in the golden age of the world the use of gold was not then known; an argument of the simplicity of that age. Lest therefore succeeding ages should hereafter impute the same fault to us which we lay upon the first age, that we, living in the horned age of the world, should not understand the use, the virtue, the honour, and the very royalty, of the horn; I will in brief sound the praises thereof, that they who are already in possession of it may bear their heads aloft, as being proud of such lofty accoutrements, and they that are but in possibility may be ravish'd with a desire to be in possession; a trophy so honourable and unmatchably powerful, that it is able to raise any man from a beggar to an emperor's fellow, a duke's fellow, a nobleman's fellow, alderman's fellow; so glorious, that it deserves to be worn (by most opinions) in the most conspicuous place about a man; for what worthier crest can you bear than the horn? which if it

might be seen with our mortal eyes, what a wonderful spectacle would there be! and how highly they would ravish the beholders! But their substance is incorporeal, not falling under sense, nor mixt of the gross concretion of elements, but a quintessence beyond them, a spiritual essence invisible and everlasting.

And this hath been the cause that many men have called their being in question, whether there be such a a thing in rerum natura, or not? because they are not to be seen, as though nothing were that were not to be seen. Who ever saw the wind? yet what wonderful effects are seen of it! It drives the clouds, yet no man sees it; it rocks the house, bares down trees, castles, steeples, yet who sees it? In like sort does your horn: it swells the forehead, yet none sees it; it rocks the cradle, yet none sees it; so that you plainly perceive sense is no judge of essense. The moon to any man's sense seems to be horned; yet who knows not the moon to be ever perfectly round? So likewise your heads seem ever to be round, when indeed they are oftentimes horned. For their original, it is unsearchable; natural they are not; for there is beast born with horns more than with teeth; created they were not, for ex nihilo nihil fit. Then will you ask me, how come they into the world? I know not; but I am sure women brought them into this part of the world, howsoever some doctors are of opinion that they came in with the devil; and not unlike, for as the devil brought sin into the world, but the woman brought it to the man; so it may very well be that the devil brought horns into the world, but the woman brought them to the man.

For their power, it is general over the world: no nation so barbarous, no country so proud, but doth equal homage to the horn. Europa, when she was carried through the sea by the Saturnian bull, was said (for fear of falling) to have held by the horn; and

* The sense seems to require that we should read "where is beast born with horns," though the change is not warranted by the old edition.

C.

what is this but a plain shewing to us, that all Europe, which took name from that Europa, should likewise hold by the horn? So that I say, it is universal over the face of the world, general over the face of Europe, and common over the face of this country. What city, what town, what village, what street, nay, what house can quit itself of this prerogative? I have read that the lion once made a proclamation through all the forest, that all horned beasts should depart forthwith upon pain of death; if this proclamation should be made through our forest, Lord! what pressing, what running, what flying, would there be even from all the parts of it! he that had but a bunch of flesh in his head would away; and some, foolishly fearful, would imagine the shadow of his ears to be horns. Alas, how desart would this forest be left!

*

To conclude: for their force, it is irrevitable; for, were they not irrevitable, then might either properness of person secure a man, or wisdom prevent 'em; or greatness exempt, or riches redeem them; but present experience hath taught us, that in this case all these stand in no stead: for we see the properest men take part of them, the best wits cannot avoid them (for then should poets be no cuckolds), nor can money redeem them, for then would rich men fine for their horns, as they do for offices: but this is held for a maxim, that there are more rich cuckolds than poor. Lastly, for continuance of the horn, it is undeterminable till death: neither do they determine with the wives death (howsoever ignorant writers hold opinion they do). For as when a knight dies, his lady still retains the title of lady; when a company is cast, yet the captain still retains the title of captain: so though the wife die, by whom this title came to her husband, yet by the courtesy of the city he shall be a cuckold during life, let all ignorant asses prate what they list.

Gostanzo. Notable wag! Come, sir, shake hands with him,

In whose high honour you have made this speech.

*Them was until now omitted. C.

Marc. Antonio. And you, sir, come join hands, y'are one amongst them.

Gostanzo. Very well done, now take your several wives,

And spread like wild geese, though you now grow

tame;

Live merrily together and agree,

Horns cannot be kept off with jealousy.

EPILOGUE.

Since all our labours are as you can like,
We all submit to you; nor dare presume

To think there's any real worth in them:

Sometimes feasts please the cooks, and not the guests ;
Sometimes the guests, and curious cooks contemn them ;
Our dishes we intirely dedicate

To our kind guests; but since ye differ so,
Some to like only mirth without taxations,

Some to count such works trifles, and such like,
We can but bring you meat, and set you stools,
And to our best cheer say, you all are ( ) *welcome.

*Perhaps by the marks prefixed to the last word of this verse, the author design'd the reader to supply a rhime, which he did not dare to set down. The judgment of a Lord Mayor's fool in all matters relative to good eating, was unquestionable even to a proverb. S.

EDITION.

Al Fooles. A Comedy: presented at the Black Fryers; and lately before his Majestie. Written by George Chapman. At London, printed for Thomas Thorpe, 1605. 4to.