can well use, shall die for age, if they live not by miracle. 48. Moreover, we think it necessary, that those that have two eyes in their head, shall sometimes stumble; and they, that can neither write nor read, may as boldly forswear themselves, as they that can. 49. And it shall be lawful for almanack makers, to tell more lies than true tales. 50. And they that go to sea, without victuals, may suffer penury by the statute. 51. In like manner it shall be lawful for any man to carry about him more gold than iron, if he can get it. 52. But they that are given to sullen complexions, if they be females, must be more circumspect; for, if they repent their hidden sins. too much, they may by chance catch heaven for their labour. 53. Therefore, let maidens take heed how they fall on their backs, less they catch a forty weeks favour.1 54. And he that hath once married a shrew, and, by good chance, buried her, beware how he come into the stocks again. 55. Further, it shall be lawful for those that be rich, to have many friends; and they that be A FORTY WEEKS FAVOUR.-The period of gestation. poor, may, by authority, keep money, if they can get it honestly. 56. Also, we command and charge all such as have no conscience, to do their worst, lest they die in the devil's debt. As for the rest, they that have more money than they need, may help their poor neighbours if they will. 57. In like manner, it shall be lawful for such as are subject to hot rheums, to drink cold drink and those that have a mind to enrich physicians, but be never without diseases. 58. Also soldiers, that have no means to thrive by plain dealing, may by the statute swallow down an ounce of the syrup of subtlety every morning; and if they cannot thrive that way, we think it necessary, that, four times in the year, they go a fishing on Salisbury plain.1 59. Furthermore, for the benefit and increase of foolish humours, we think it necessary, that those our dear friends, who are sworn true servitors, to women's pantables,' should have this order set down, that you suit yourselves handsomely against goosefeast; and if you meet not a fair lass betwixt St. Paul's and Stratford, that day, we will bestow a new 'FISHING IN SALISBURY PLAIN.-Collecting or thieving. 'PANTABLE.-A sort of high shoe or slipper, corrupted from pantofle. "GOOSE FEAST. -Green-goose Fair, kept at Stratford Bow, two miles from London, on Thursday in Whitsun week. suit of satin upon you, so you will bear all the charges. 60. But, as for your dear friends and scholars, thus much we favour shall dine upon for you, you wit by authority; and, if you pay your hostess well, it is no matter, though you score it up till it come to a good round sum. 61. In like manner, it shall be lawful for maid's milk to be good physic for kibed' heals; and a cup of sack to bed-ward, a present remedy for the rheum. 62. Such as are sick, in the spring, may take physic by the statute; and those that are cold may wear more clothes without offence. 63. It is best to ride in long journeys, lest a man be weary with going a-foot; and more comely to go in broken stockings than bare-legged. 64. Further, it shall be lawful for some to be lean, because they cannot be fat. 65. Some, by statute, shall love beef passing well, because they can come by no other meat; and other some simper it with an egg at dinner, that dare manfully set upon a shoulder of veal in the afternoon. 66. Some shall be sad when they want money, and in love with widows rather for their wealth than their honesty. 'KIBED.-Cracked; or cracked with cold, afflicted with chilblains. 70. Furthermore, it shall be lawful for him that marries without money, to find four bare legs in his bed; and he, that is too prodigal in spending, shall die a beggar by the statute. 71. In like manner we think it necessary, that he, that is plagued with a cursed wife, have his pate broke quarterly, as he pays his rent. 72. Likewise, he, who delights in subtlety, may play the knave by custom; and he who hath his complexion and courage spent, may eat mutton on fasting-days by the law. 73. And to conclude, since there are ten precepts to be observed in the art of scolding, we humbly take our leave of Duke Humphry's ordinary, and betake us to the chapel of ill counsel, where a quart or two of fine Trinedado shall arm us against the gun-shot of tongue-metal, and keep us safe from the assaults of Sir John Find-fault. Vale, my dear friends, till my next return. 15428.18 TRUE AND WONDERFULL. A Discourse relating A STRANGE AND MONSTROUS Lately Discovered and yet living In Sussex, two Miles from Horsam, in a Woode called St. Leonards Forrest, and thirtie Miles from London, this present Month of August, 1614. By A. R. Printed at London, by John Trundle, |