congratulations paid to her equal to what were conferred on Jones, especially by Mr. Western himself, who, after having once or twice embraced his daugh ter, fell to hugging and kiffing Jones. He called him the preferver of Sophia, and declared there was no-thing, except her, or his eftate, which he would not give him; but upon recollection, he afterwards excepted his fox hounds, the Chevalier, and Mifs Slouch (for fo he called his favourite mare).

6

All fears for Sophia being now. removed, Jones be came the object of the 'fquire's confideration. Come my Lad,' fays Weftern, D'off thy quoat and wash thy feace for art in a devilish pickle, I promide thee. Come, come, wash thyfelf, and fhat go, huome with me; and we'l zee to wind thee.another 6 quoat.'

Jones immediately complied, threw off his coaf, went down to the water, and washed both his face and bofom for the latter was much expofed, and as bloody as the former: but though the water could clear off the blood, it could not remove the black and blue marks which Thwackum had imprinted on both his face and breaft, and which, being difcerned by Sophia, drew from her a figh, and a look full of inexpreffible tendernefs..

Jones received this full in his eyes, and it had infinitely a tronger effect on him than all the contufions: which he had received before. An effect, however, widely different; for fo. foft and balmy was it, that, had all his former blows been ftabs, it would for fome minutes have prevented his feeling their fmart.

The company now moved backwards, and foon arrived where Thwackum had got Mr. Blifil again on his legs. Here we cannot fupprefs a pious wifh, that all quarrels were to be decided by thofe weapons only, with which nature, knowing what is proper for US bath fupplied us; and that cold iron was to be used in digging no bowels, but thofe of the earth. Then would war, the paitime of monarchs, be almoft ineffenfive, and battles between great armies might be fought at the particular defire of feveral ladies of qua. lity; who, together with the kings themfelves might

be

be actual spectators of the conflict. Then might the field be this moment well frewed with human car. caffes, and the next, the dead men, or infinitely the greatest part of them, might get up, like Mr. Bayes's troops, and march off either at the found of a drum or fiddle, as fhould be previously agreed on.

I would avoid, if poffible, treating this matter ludicrously, left grave inen and politicians, whom I know to be offended at a jeft, may cry pifh at it; but in reality, might not a battle be as well decided by the greater number of broken heads, bloody nofés and black eyes, as by the greater heaps of mangled and murdered human bodies? Might not towns be contended for in the fame manner? Indeed, this may be thought too detrimental a scheme to the French intereft, lince they would thus lofe the advantage they have over other nations, in the fuperiority of their engineers: but when I confider the gallantry and generoity of that people, I am perfuaded they would never decline putting themselves upon a par with their adverfary; or, as the phrafe is, making themselves his

match.

But fuch reformations are rather to be wished than hoped for: 1 fhall content myself, therefore, with this fhort hint, and return to my narrative.

Weltern began now to enquire into the original rife of this quarrel. To which neither Blifil nor Jones gave any answer; but Thwackum faid furlily, I believe, the caufe is not far off if you beat the bushes well, you may find her.' Find her replied Wellern, what have you been fighting for a wench? Afk the gentleman in his waistcoat there,' faid Thwackum, he beft knows. Nay, then,' cries Wettern, it is a wench certainly. --Ah, Tom, Tom; thou art a liquorifh dog-but come, gentlemen,

be all friends, and go home with me, and make final peace over a bottle.' I ask your pardon, Sir,' fays Thwackum, it is no fuch flight matter for a man of my character to be thus injurioufly treated, and buffered by a boy; only because I would have done my duty, in endeavouring to detect and bring to juilice a wanton hailot; but, indeed, the principal

• fault

fault lies in Mr. Allworthy and yourfelf: for, if you put the laws in execution, as you ought to do, you will foon rid the country of these vermin.

• I would as foon rid the country of foxes,' cries Weftern. I think we ought to encourage the recruiting those numbers which we are every day lofing in the war but where is the Prithee, Tom, fhew me.' He then began to beat about, in the fame language, and in the fame manner, as if he had been beating for a hare, and at last cried out, Soho! Pufs is not far off. Here's her form, upon my foul; I believe may cry ftole away.' And indeed fo he might, for he had 'now discovered the place whence the poor girl had, at the beginning of the fray, ftolen away, upon as many feet as a hare generally ufes in travelling..

Sophia now defired her father to return home; faying, the found berfelf very faint, and apprehended a - relapfe. The 'fquire immediately complied with his daughter's request (for he was the fondeit of parents.) He earnestly endeavoured to prevail with the whole company to go and fup with him; but Blifil and Thwackum abfolutely refufed; the former faying, there were more reafons than he could then mention, why he muft decline this honour; and the latter declaring (perhaps rightly) that it was not proper for at perfon of his function to be feen at any place in his prefent condition.

Jones was incapable of refusing the pleasure of be ing with his Sophia. So on he marched with 'fquire Western and his ladies, the parfon bringing up the rear. This had, indeed, offered to tarry with his brother Thwackum, profeffing his regard for the cloth would not permit him to depart; but Thwackum would not accept the favour, and, with no great civility, pushed i him after Mr. Western..

Thus ended this bloody fray; and thus fhall end the fifth book of this hiftory.

THE

IN our last book we have been obliged to deal pretty much with the paffion of love; and in our fucceeding book, fhall be forced to handle this fubject fill more largely. It may not, therefore, in this place, be improper to apply ourselves to the examination of that modern doctrine, by which certain philofophers, among many other wonderful difcoveries, pretend to have found out, that there is no fuch, paffion in the human breast.

Whether thefe philofophers be the fame with that furprifing feet, who are honourably mentioned by the late Dr. Swift; as having, by the mere force of genius alone, without the leaft affiftance of any kind of learning, or even reading, difcovered that profound and invaluable fecret, that there is no God; or whether they are not rather the fame with thofe who, fome years fince, very much alarmed the world, by fhewing that there were no fuch things as virtue and goodness really exifting in human nature, and who deduced our

best

best actions from pride, I will not here prefume to determine. In reality, I am inclined to fufpect, that all these feveral finders of truth are the very identical men, who are by others called the finders of gold. The method ufed in both these fearches after truth, and after gold, being indeed one and the fame, viz. the fearching, rummaging, and examining into a nafty place; indeed, in the former inftances, into the naf tieft of all places, A BAD MIND.

But though in this particular, and perhaps in their fuccefs, the truth-finder, and the gold-finder, may very properly be compared together; yet in modefty, furely, there can be no comparison between the two; for who ever heard of a gold-finder that had the impudence or folly to affert, from the ill fuccefs of his fearch, that there was no fuch thing as gold in the world; whereas the truth-finder, having raked out that jakes, his own mind, and being there capable of tra cing no ray of divinity, nor any thing virtuous, or good, or lovely, or loving, very fairly, honestly, and logically concludes, that no fo fuch things exift in the whole creation.

To avoid, however, all contention, if poffible, with thefe philofophers, if they will be called fo; and to fhew our own difpofition to accommodate matters peaceably between us, we fhall here make them fome conceffions, which may poffibly put an end to the dif pute.

First, we will grant that many minds, and perhaps thofe of the philofophers, are entirely free from the leaft traces of fuch a paffion.

Secondly, that what is commonly called love, namely, the defire of fatisfying a voracious appetite with a certain quantity of delicate white human fleth, is by no means that paffion for which I here contend... This is indeed more properly hunger; and as no glut ton is afhamed to apply the word love to his appetite, and to fay he LOVES fuch and such dishes ; fo may the lover of this kind, with equal propriety fay, he HUNGERS after fuch and fuch women.

Thirdly, I will grant, which I believe will be a molt acceptable conceffion, that this love for which I

am