Fond. Speculation! No, no, something went farther than speculation, when I was not to be let inWhere is this apocryphal elder, I'll ferret him.

Lat. I am so distracted, I can't think of a lie.

[Aside.

[Fondlewife hauls out Bellmour. Fond. Come out here, thou Ananias incarnateWho, how now! who have we here?

Laet. Ha!

[Shrieks, as surpris'd.

Fond. Oh, thou salacious woman! Am I then brutified? Ay, I feel it here! I sprout, I bud, I blossom, I am ripe horn-mad. But who, in the devil's name are you? Mercy on me for swearing, But

Laet. Oh, goodness keep us! Who's this? Who are you? What are you?

Bell. Soh!

Laet. In the name of the

-Oh! Good, my

dear, don't come near it, I'm afraid 't is the devil! indeed it has hoofs, dear.

Fond. Indeed, and I have horns, dear. The devil, no, I'm afraid 't is the flesh, thou harlot! Dear, with the pox. Come, siren, speak, confess, who is this reverend, rampant pastor?

Laet. Indeed, and indeed now, my dear Nykin-I never saw this wicked man before.

Fond. Oh, it is a man then, it seems.

Laet. Rather, sure, 't is a wolf in the clothing of a sheep.

Fond. Thou art a devil in his proper clothing, woman's flesh. What, you know nothing of him, but

H

his fleece here

You don't love mutton ?

You Magdalen unconverted.

Bell. Well, now, I know my cue-that is, very honourably to excuse her, and very impudently accuse myself. [Aside. Laet. Why then, I wish I may never enter into the heaven of your embraces again, my dear, if ever I saw his face before.

Fond. O lord! O strange! I am in admiration of your impudence. Look at him a little better; he is more modest, I warrant you, than to deny it. Come, were you two never face to face before? Speak.

Bell. Since all artifice is in vain-and I think myself oblig'd to speak the truth, in justice to your wife No.

Fond. Humph.

Laet. No, indeed, dear.

Fond. Nay, I find you are both in a story; that I must confess. But, what-not to be cured of the cholic. Don't you know your patient, Mrs. Quack? Oh, lie upon your stomach; lying upon your stomach will cure you of the cholic. Ah! answer me, Jezabel!

Laet. Let the wicked man answer for himself; does he think that I have nothing to do but excuse him; 'tis enough, if I can clear my own innocence to my own dear.

Bell. By my troth and so 'tis

-I have been a

little too backward, that's the truth on't.

Fond. Come, sir, who are you, in the first place? And what are you?

Bell. A whore-master.

Fond. Very concise.

Laet. O beastly, impudent creature.

Fond. Well, sir, and what came you hither for.
Bell. To lie with your wife.

Fond. Good again—

-A very civil person this,

and, I believe, speaks truth.

Laet. Oh, insupportable impudence!

Fond. Well, sir-Pray be cover'd-and you have -Heh! You have finished the matter,

heh ? and I am as I should be, a sort of a civil perqui. site to a whore-master, called a cuckold, heh. Is it not so? Come, I'm inclining to believe every word

you say.

Bell. Why, faith, I must confess, so I design'd you-but you were a little unlucky in coming so soon, and hindered the making of your own fortune.

Fond. Humph. Nay if you mince the matter once, and go back of your word, you are not the person I took you for. Come, come, go on boldly. What! do n't be asham'd of your profession-Confess confess, I shall love thee the better for 't-I shall, I, feck What, dost think I don't know how to behave myself in the employment of a cuckold, and have been three years apprentice to matrimony! Come, come, plain dealing is a jewel.

Bell. Well, since I see thou art a good honest fellow, I'll confess the whole matter to thee.

Fond. Oh I am a very honest fellow-You never lay with an honester man's wife in your life.

Laet. How my heart aches! All my comfort lies in his impudence, and, heav'n be prais'd, he has a considerable portion. [Aside.

Bell. In short, then, I was informed of the opportunity of your absence, by my spy; for, faith, honest Isaac, I have a long time design'd thee this favour: I knew Spintext was to come by your direction; but I laid a trap for him, and procured his habit, in which I pass'd upon your servants, and was conducted hither. I pretended a fit of the cholic, to excuse my lying down upon your bed; hoping, that when she heard of it, her good-nature would bring her to administer remedies for my distemper- -You know what might have followed- -But, like an uncivil person, you knock'd at the door, before your wife was come to me. Fond. Ha! this is apocryphal; 1 may choose whether I will believe it or no.

Bell. That you may, faith, and I hope you won't believe a word on 't- -But I can't help telling the

truth, for my life.

Fond. How! would not you have me believe you, say you?

Bell. No; for then you must of consequence part with your wife, and there will be some hopes of having her upon the public; then, the encouragement of a separate maintenance

Fond. No, no; for that matter-when she and I part, she shall carry her separate maintenance about

her.