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I'll speak to her -Pray, madam, what news d'ye hear? Laet. Sir, I seliom stir abroad.
[Walks about in disorder. Sir Jos. I wonder at that, madam, for 't is most curious fine weather.
Laet. Methinks it has been very ill weather.
Sir Jos. As you say, madam, 't is pretty bad weather, and lias been so a great while.
Fond. Here are fifty pieces in this purse, Sir Joseph --- If you will tarry a nioment, 'till I fetch my papers, I'll wait upon you down stairs.
Laet. Ruin'd, past redemption! What shall I do--Ha! this fool inay be of use. [ Aside.] [As Fondlewife is ging into the chamber, she runs to Sir Joseph, almost fushes him down, and cries out. ) Stand off, rude ruitian! Help me, my dear
-0, bless me! Why will you leave me alone with such a satyr ?
Tond. Bless us! What's the matter? What's the matter?
Laet. Your back was no sooner turn'd, but like a lion, he came open-mouth'd upon me, and would have ravished a kiss from me by main force.
Sir jos. Oh, Lord! Oh, terrible! Ha, ha, ha! is your wife mad, alderman ?
Læt. Oh! I'm sick with the fright. Won't you take him out of my sight?
Fond. Oh, traitor! I'm astonished. Oh, bloodyminded traitor !
Sir Jos. Hey-day! Traitor yourself-By the Lord Harry, I was in most danger of being ravishd, if you go to that.
Fond. Oh, how the blasphemous wretch swears!“. Out of my house, thou son of the whore of Babylon; offspring of Bell and the dragon- Bless us! Ra. vish my
wife! my Dinah ! oh, Schechemite ! Begone, I say. Sir Jos. Why, the devil's in the people, I think. Læt. Oh! won't you follow and see him out of doors,
Fond. I 'll shut this door to secure him from com. ing back
-Give me the key of your cabinet, Cocky Ravish
face! I warrant he's a Papist in his heart, at least, “ if not a Frenchman.”
Læt. What can I do now? [ Aside.] Oh! my dear, I have been in such a fright, that I forgot to tell you, poor Mr. Spintext has had a fit of the cholic, and is forced to lie down upon our bed -You 'll disturb him; I can tread soítlier.
Fond. Alack, poor man-no, no-you don't know the paper;-I won't disturb him; give me the key. [She gives him the key, goes to the chamber door, and
speaks aloud, Læt. 'Tis nobody but Mr. Fondlewife ; Mr. Spintext, lie still on your stomach; lying on your stomach rill ease you of the cholic.
Fond. Ay, ay, lie still, lie still ; don't let me dis
[Exit Fond. Læt. Sure, when he does not see his face, he won't discover him. Dear fortune, help me but this once, and I'll never run in thy debt againBut this opportunity is the devil.
FONDLewife returns with papers. Fond. Good lack! good lack ! -I profess the poor man is in great torment, he lies as flat
-Dear, you should heat a trencher or a napkin -Where's Deborah ? Let her clap some warm thing to his stomach, or chafe it with a warm hand, rather than fail, What book 's this. [Sees the book that Bellmour forgot. Læt. Mr. Spintext's prayer-book, dear
Pray Heav'n it be a prayer-book.
[ Aside, Fond. Good man! I warrant he dropped it on purpose, that you might take it up, and read some of the pious ejaculations. [Taking up the book.] O bless me! O monstrous ! A prayer-book ! Ay, this'is the devil's Pater-noster. Hold, let me see, The Innocent Adultery.
Læt. Misfortune! now all's ruin'd again. [Aside. “ Bell. [Peeding.] Damnd chance! If I had gone a whoring with the Practice of Piety in my pocket, I had never been discovered.”
Fond. Adultery and innocent! O lord ! Here 's doctrine! Ay, here's discipline !
Læt. Dear husband, I'm amaz'd Sure it is a good book, and only tends to the speculation of sin.