baited, but you are cloy'd with the preparative, and what you mean for a whet, turns the edge of your puny stomach. "Your love is like your courage, "which you shew for the first year or two upon all "occasions; 'till in a little time, being disabled or "disarmed, you abate of your vigour; and that daring "blade, which was so often drawn, is bound to the 66 peace for ever hereafter.”

Bell. Thou art an old fornicator of a singular good principle indeed! and art for encouraging youth, that they may be as wicked as thou art at thy years.

Heart. I am for having every body be what they pretend to be; "a whoremaster be a whoremaster;" and not, like Vainlove, kiss a lap-dog with passion, when it would disgust him from the lady's own lips.

Bell. "That only happens sometimes, where the "dog has the sweeter breath, for the more cleanly conveyance." But, George, you must not quarrel with little gallantries of this nature. Women are often won by 'em. Who would refuse to kiss a lapdog if it were preliminary to the lips of his lady?

Sharp. Or omit playing with her fan, "and cool"ing her if she were hot, when it might intitle him "to the office of warming her when she should be "cold."

Bell. Or, what is to read a play in a rainy day ! Though you should be now and then interrupted in a witty scene, and she perhaps preserve her laughter, 'till the jest were over; even that may be borne with, considering the reward in prospect.

Heart. I confess, you that are women's asses, bear greater burdens; are forced to undergo dressing, dancing, singing, sighing, whining, rhyming, flattering, lying, grinning, cringing, and the drudgery of loving to boot.

Bell. O, brute! the drudgery of loving!

Heart. Ay, why to come to love through all these incumbrances, is like coming to an estate overcharged with debts; which by the time you have paid, yields no further profit than what the bare tillage and manuring of the land will produce, at the expence of your own sweat.

Bell. Pr'ythee, how dost thou love?

Sharp. He! he hates the sex.

Heart. So I hate physic too

take it for my health.

-yet I may love to

Bell. Well come off, George, if at any time you should be taken straying.

Sharp. He has need of such an excuse, considering the present state of his body.

Heart. How d'ye mean?

Sharp. Why, if wenching be physic, as you call it, then, I may say, marriage is entering into a course of physic.

Bell. How, George, does the wind blow there?

Heart. It will as soon blow north and by southMarry, quotha! I hope in heaven I have a greater portion of grace; and I think I have baited too many of those traps, to be caught in one myself.

Bell. Who the devil would have thee? unless 't were

an oyster-woman, to propagate young fry for Billingsgate-Thy talent will never recommend thee to any thing of better quality.

Heart. My talent is chiefly that of speaking truth, which I don't expect should ever recommend me to people of quality-I thank heaven, I have very honestly purchased the hatred of all the great families in town.

Sharp. And you, in return of spleen, hate them. But could you hope to be received into the alliance of a noble family?

Heart. No, I hope I shall never merit that affliction to be punished with a wife of birthbe a stag of the first head, and bear my horns aloft, like one of the supporters of my wife's coat. 'Sdeath, I would not be a cuckold to e'er an illustrious whore in: England.

Bell. What, not to make your family, man, and provide for your children?

Sharp. For her children, you mean.

Heart. Ay, there you've nick'd it-there's the devil upon devil-Oh, the pride and joy of heart 't would be to me, to have my son and heir resemble such a duke to have a fleering coxcomb scoff and cry, Mr. your son's mighty like his grace, has just his smile and air of's face. Then replies another -Methinks he has more of the marquis of such a place, about his nose and eyes: though he has my Lord What d' ye-call's mouth to a tittleThen I, to put it off as unconcerned, come chuck the infant

under the chin, force a smile, and cry, ay, the boy takes after his mother's relations-when the devil and she knows, 'tis a little compound of the whole body of nobility.

Bell, and Sharp. Ha, ha, ha.

Bell. Well, but George, I have one question to

ask you

Heart. Pshaw, I have prattled away my time-I hope you are in no haste for an answer for I shan't stay now. [Looking on his watch,

Bell. Nay, pr'ythee, George

Heart. No, besides my business, I see a fool com.. ing this way. Adieu.

[Exit. Bell. What does he mean? Oh, 'tis Sir Joseph Wittol, with his friend; but I see he has turned the corner, and goes another way.

Sharp. What, in the name of wonder, is it?
Bell. Why, a fool.

Sharp. 'Tis a tawdry outside.

Bell. And a very beggarly lining-yet he may be worth your acquaintance-A little of thy chemistry, Tom, may extract gold from that dirt.

Sharp. Say you so? 'Faith, I am as poor as a chemist, and would be as industrious. But what was he that followed him? Is not he a dragon that watches those golden pippins ?

Bell. Hang him, no, he a dragon! If he be, 't is a very peaceful one; I can insure his anger dormant ; or should he seem to rouse, 't is but well lashing him, and he will sleep like a top.

C

Sharp. Ay, is he of that kidney?

Bell. Yet is ador'd by that bigot, Sir Joseph Wittol, as the image of valour. He calls him his back, and indeed they are never asunder-yet last night, I know not by what mischance, the knight was alone, and had fallen into the hands of some night-walkers, who, I suppose, would have pillaged him; but I chanced to come by, and rescued him; though I believe he was heartily frightened, for as soon as ever he was loose he ran away, without staying to see who had helped him.

Sharp. Is that bully of his in the army

Bell. No, but is a pretender, and wears the habit of a soldier;" which now-a-days as often cloaks cowar"dice, as a black gown does atheism."You must know he has been abroad-went purely to run away from a campaign; enriched himself with the plunder of a few oaths-and here vents 'em against the general, who, slighting men of merit, and preferring only those of interest, has made him quit the service.

Sharp. Wherein, no doubt, he magnifies his own performance.

Bell. Speaks miracles; is the drum to his own praise the only implement of a soldier he resembles; like that, being full of blustering noise and empti

ness

Sharp. And, like that, of no use but to be beaten. Bell. Right, but then the comparison breaks; for