Rorke. Things are coming to a crisis with a vengeance. This is the first blow, and it's a staggerer. The way these lawyers humbug about is enough to break a fellow's heart. There's Weazel been a month raising the money on my reversion, and I haven't touched a penny yet. I shall have every creditor I possess down upon me unless I can keep this affair quiet. They'll be for locking me up, and how the deuce am I to carry off Laura out of her guardian's clutches then? I must make an effort to raise the wind in some direction, but hang it, I can't leave town! I expect that beast Tressider will call me out for last night's work; and if I left London now, they'd say I'd run away to escape fighting. Blob. [putting in his head.] The coat's a sight too big, Mr. Rorke, but the boots is a-pinchin' horful. [Pulls his head in again. Rorke. Oh, bother! Don't raise difficulties out of nothing, but look alive in case anybody comes. [To himself.] I'll be off to Weazel at once, and see if he can help me out of this fix. [To BLOBBER.] Now then, are you coming? Blob. [outside.] I'm a-hurryin' desp'rate, only here's one button as hain't got no button-hole to put himself into. Re-enter BLOBBER, R. C. How do, my boy? Commong vous porter. You're a-lookin' stout and 'ale. There's fashion for yer, though it does sound uncommonly beery. Blob. Didn't you say he died of his intestines? Weaz. [offended.] Really, sir, this is a serious business; I haven't time for joking. Blob. Cholera generally is a serious business; but there, let's get on. Weaz. His father having died, as I just now stated, it devolves upon you to make affidavit as to his son's identity. One reason of my visit was to inform him of this; having so opportunely met you, may I ask you to come with me at once for this purpose? I've a cab at the door. Blob. What! leave this room to go with you? Weaz. Just so-it's no distance to Chancery Lane-we won't detain you. Blob. Oh, won't yer? Now, I say, look here, you're a lawyer-hain't yer afraid o' mixin' yerself up in this illegal bis'ness? Weaz. Sir! Illegal! Explain yourself, sir. Weaz. I am acting, sir, entirely in the interests fits Simon Blobber. Rorke. Yes, you'll do. I haven't time to teach you your part now; I am going out. If anybody of comes, mind, say as little as you can, and tell them to call again; and now to get rid of you as soon as possible. [Exit RORKE, L. C. Weaz. Simon who? [Going up to him.] Alisn't at all clear to me that you've any right here. though I find you in possession of this room, it Blob. Get gid o' me! Is he a-goin' to try any little game to get me out, I wonder? I'll keep a sharp lookout. Why don't these swells wear Blob. [aside.] "In possession"-he can't ha' bigger boots? It ain't because they can't afford found me out, can he? Oh, I must swagger a to pay for more leather. They have such beastly bit. [Aloud.] It's a rum coincidence, but that's small feet, I suppose; what yer calls a "conform the werry idea as has just come into my head ity of these hextremities." There ain't many men about you. If these boots weren't so infernally in our purfeshun as could do this sort o' thing. tight, I'd kick you out o' this yer room. It's lucky for Rorke as old Maggs weren't sent for the job here; he'd a-looked a beauty, dressed up as one of the haristocracy. Now, when I was at the opera, I mixed in the werry best society, and a deal o' their manners has rubbed theirselves off onto me. [Knock at door heard-BLOBBER seats! himself grandly.] I'm to say as little as I canvery good. Come in! Weaz. Beg pardon, but I think you are his- Weaz. Exactly; Mr. Neville, if I mistake not. My name is Weazel-I'm his lawyer. I think I'd better Weaz. Hum! I'm a student of human nature. sir. I apologize for my harshness; you must have a right to be here, or you wouldn't be so confident. Blob. Right! Well, you're talking sensible at last. I've as much right here as Rorke himself. Weaz. [aside.] This is some eccentric relative I've never heard of. I'll make one more attempt to persuade him. [Aloud.] I presume, sir, you really have Mr. Rattleton Rorke's interest at heart? Blob. Maybe. I don't see how it matters to you. Weaz. It does immensely at this present moment. I must prove his identity. Now, my dear sir, do oblige me by coming as far as Chancery Lane; we shan't be a moment, I assure you. Blob. You blessed willain! Do you think I was born yesterday, to be wheedled by your wile inwentions? Come, now, jest you get out-you're a low pettifoggin' quill-driver, goin' about like a raging Weazel, seeking innocent wictims to deWeaz. Well, you see, that will be very incon-wour. You'd better slope at once, for these boots venient; might I ask you to hear my report?-I think you are standing in loco parentis. Blob. Call again. Blob. If that's French for "tight boots," I'm standing in two "loco prentises." is gettin' heasier every moment, I can tell yer. [Makes pretense of kicking somebody. Weaz. Stand back, you insulting scoundrel ! if you lay a finger on me, I'll make you rue it. Weaz. [surprised.] Ha, ha! [Aside.] A very Blob. Oh, will yer? [Makes a rush at him— remarkable gentleman! [Aloud.] This is the WEAZEL dodges, and erit rapidly, L. c.] That's original business, you see; your old suit is put off-wot I calls maintainin' the dignity o' the purfesh un. Trying to coax me hout, indeed-if Rorke put him up to that he hain't took much by the job. I wonder whether it 'ud be safe to get out o' these here boots? I'm beginnin' to feel throttled about the feet. No, it won't do. Hif I takes 'em off, I shall never get 'em on again. [Knocking fiercely heard at door.] Hullo, here's some one else. I wish Rorke 'ud come back. [More fierce knocks.] He's in a desperate 'urry, this 'un. Come in. Enter MAJOR MOLPOTHERLEY, L. C. Major. [stiffly.] Servant, sir-Mr. Rattleton Rorke is Blob. Hout. Major. Quite right. Then I presume he has deputed you to receive me-you act as his friend? Blob. And relation. Blob. Well, you are about the most unreasonablest party I ever seed. P'r'aps this is another o' your dodges to get me took off to a 'sylum. No, I hain't out o' my mind-I'm uncommonly well in it just now, thank'ee. Major. And you say that Mr. Rorke has deputed you to make all the necessary arrangements for his meeting with Captain Tressider? Blob. He hain't reputed me to do nothing o' the sort. Major. [jumping up.] Ten thousand devils! He shall answer to me for this conduct. You mass of brutalized humanity, why couldn't you have said so when I came in? If you have any brains which I doubt tell him he shall hear from me-Major Molpotherley-on my own acMajor. Ha, that is of no importance-introduce count. It's useless to fix a quarrel upon you, you myself Major Molpotherley, at your service; at animated scarecrow. [Exit, furiously, L. C. Captain Tressider's request I wait upon you to Blob. Well this is earnin' a sovereign pretty arrange a meeting between himself and Mr. hardly, I do think. The pinchin' o' these here Rorke. You don't apologize, of course? boots is worth all the money, arout being set upon Blob. Apologize! why should I? and badgered to leave my post by two such deep Major. No, no; I like your spirit-why chaps as those. I've done enough for the tin now, you? Delighted to have you with us so blowed hif I don't strike. These here togs is say to-morrow morning? werry nobby, but I've 'ad my fill of 'em. I'll just walk inter the hother room and get on my own suit again; though humble, it 'as its comforts, 'specially about the feet. [Is going towards bedroom, when another knock is heard.] There, blow it, now I'm in for it again! Why don't that Rorke stop at home and receive his wisitors [Knock heard again.] Oh, come in, do. Blob. Now look here, you're not going dodge to get me out, are you? Major. My good sir, let us be calm. principal we intend to parade, not you; object to pistols ? should to try any Blob. Yes, I do-they've a nasty knack of going off arout your knowing it. Enter MISS PLATTS, hurriedly, L. Miss Platts. Oh, if you please, Mr. Rorke—why, my goodness, it isn't Mr. Rorke! Major. You don't propose fighting with swords? Blob. I don't propose fighting at all. Major. Why, confound it, man, what do you mean? You don't mean to apologize, and you don't mean to fight. Explain yourself, sir, for parishun-Rorke are not at home, but if yer rehang me if I can understand you. quires to pour yer sorrers inter a sympathetic 'art, Blob. Don't be disappointed, most lovely hap Miss P. [aside.] This must be his uncle, I suppose. [Aloud.] Oh, sir, you're very kind, we're in great trouble-it's all found out, and mistress's guardian's been a goin' on horful; he's threatened to give me warning for carrying their letters. Mistress sent me to fetch Mr. Rorke at once, and I wasn't to go back without him. Blob. And hang me if I understand you. I've I am 'ere. obeyed orders, and said as little as I can; but if you come here worritin' me about swords and pistols, and fightin', you'll rouse my temper. Major. [astounded.] The man's mad-raving mad. Give me your name, sir, hang it, give me your name! I'll post you at every club in London. Blob. Post me! Now do I look like a letter? You've been puttin' away your liquor rather early this morning, I should say. Major. You infernal scoundrel! I'll have you out, as sure as my name's Molpotherley Blob. Oh, that is your little game, then, after all-blest if I didn't think so. Now take my advice, don't you try it on-it's agin the law to try and get me out, and you'll find yourself in Queer Street if yer attempts it. Major. The law! You sneaking coward, what do you suppose I care for the law when my honor's concerned? We'll fight across a handkerchief. Blob. Fight across a handkercher ! Major. Yes, I hold one corner, you the other; we fire at the first signal. Blob. [pulling out and exhibiting a very ragged handkerchief] I've used this here werry useful article for somethin' like six years, and if yer think I'm a going to hemploy it now for such a blood-thirsty purpose, why, you must take me for a bigger fool than I look. Major. [sinking into a chair.] This passes all belief. My good man, are you insane? Comfort me by telling me that you're out of your mind, and then I shall know what to do. Blob. Then take a chair, my dear, and wait till he comes 'ome. Miss P. No, no, no! I mustn't; you'll do just as well-you can explain it all-come along directly. [Pulls BLOBBER violently towards door. Blob. Oh! I say be careful; I can't move at that pace in these boots-besides, I can't come. Miss P. You must you must! There isn't a minute to lose. Blob. Now, look here, young woman, I begins to mistrust you. Have you been set on to do this? Miss P. Yes-yes; I told you so. Blob. Well, you're a cool 'un; and you thinks as I shall leave my post here to go with you? Miss P. Of course I do. Don't be so long making up your mind. When a lady's in distress, you ought to fly to her assistance, and leave everything else to take care of itself. Blob. Oh, hought I? I've a great admiration for the sex, and I've taken a huncommon fancy to you, but if you was to ask me to come for a walk round Regency Park, and wind up with tea and creasses at Greenwich, I couldn't do it now. Miss P. Why not? Blob. [mysteriously.] Ah! there you see your'e touchin' on family affairs. You see there's a skel- Miss P. Figure of speech, indeed! You ought to be ashamed of yourself to go and frighten a poor girl in that way-now just say will you come or won't you? Blob. You'd better wait for Rorke; he's the right sort o' chap to fight his own battles. Blob. Yes, and throttled me in his beastly boots. Rorke. And instructed him if any one called during my absence, to ask them to call again. If he has offended you, I hope you'll allow the pressure of circumstances to plead my excuse. Weaz. Ha, ha! Clever dodge. Well, then, my dear boy, I'm satisfied; and as, I dare say, it won't break your heart to lose that inestimable relative, I'll write him a check for the amount. Major. Your hand, Mr. Rorke. Appearances were against you; but I've suffered from the depredations of these sharks myself before now. I retract my challenge. Glad to find our friend here will rid you of your troublesome visitor. Rorke. Stand aside-we'll see what pussy's like. Blob. You'd better not-there'll be an horeful shindy if yer does! Miss. P. And you call yourself a man, to stand Rorke. [to BLOBBER.] What the deuce do you by and see a woman wrongfully accused, when a mean by standing before that door in such a mysfew words from you would put everything right? terious attitude? Is there anything in there? [Voices heard without.] Good heavens! That's Blob. Hush! it's only the cat. I put her there master's voice, and he's coming up-stairs. Oh! to be out of the way. hide me somewhere-hide me somewhere! I shall be ruined-we'll all be ruined if he finds me here !! Blob. Well, to prove I hain't so hard-hearted as you've just been makin' out, I'll see what I can do for yer; but blest if I know wot to do. [Looking round.] I know-here, pop inter this here room till he's gone. [Opens bed-room door R. C., pushes her in and stands before it. Enter L. C., precipitately, RORKE, WEAZEL and MAJOR MOLPOTHERLEY, all talking at once. Rorke. Now, now, if you gentlemen will only speak one at a time, I may possibly get some idea of the grievance you both complain of. Rorke. [pushes BLOBBER aside, opens door R. C., and brings MISS PLATTS out.] Phew! Well, I wonder what other little games you've been up to? [Recognizing MISS PLATTS.] Why, it's Piretta! What the dickens are you doing here? Miss P. Oh, Mr. Rorke, we're ruined! You've ruined us all! Major. Death and destruction! What do I see? My ward's maid here! Ha! I begin to understand it all. Explain your presence here at once. Miss P. Oh, Mr. Rorke! my mistress sent me for you. Tell the Major all about it-he's found out everything. Major. What do I hear? [To RORKE.] Do you mean to tell me that you're the man who has dared to get engaged to my ward without my consent? Ten thousand devils! Consider the Weaz. and Major. I've been grossly insulted! Weaz. [to MAJOR.] State your case first, sir. Major. Mr. Rorke-I called, sir, respecting the slight affair between yourself and Captain Tressider. I was led to believe by that lump of imbecility-[pointing to BLOBBER]-that he was empowered to make arrangements on your behalf challenge renewed, sir. for a duel with the Captain. He insulted me in a way I never submitted to before. It's useless to fix a quarrel on such a wretched idiot-so as he calls himself your relation, I shall hold you answerable, sir, and I demand satisfaction! Rorke. [bowing to the MAJOR.] Now, Mr. Weazel, for the history of your wrongs. Weaz. Well, my dear Rorke, on calling to see you, I certainly received such treatment at the hands of that demented ruffian, your relation[pointing to BLOBBER]—that I should certainly like some explanation of his extraordinary conduct. Rorke. [to BLOBBER.] So it seems you have been going on beautifully in my absence. What have you got to say? Blob. I forgives 'em-they're riled acos they found as Simon Blobber weren't born yesterday. Weaz. Major-Major-don't be so excited-let me have a word with you. [Takes MAJOR aside.] See here, now-I'm acquainted with the whole affair the parties are desperately attached to each other; and when we've got through a few points of law-mere forms-this young fellow will come into a handsome income. You couldn't get a better match for your ward in all respects. Major. But consider, sir, they've deceived meWeaz. Don't they always deceive everybody, these young lovers-including themselves? Come, be reasonable. Major. I'm half inclined to take your advice. I've hardly had a single moment's peace since old Burnaby left me guardian to his daughter. Yes, I'll do it-this will shift the responsibility off me. Mr. Rorke, your hand again-I consent. There, now that's off my mind. Weaz. Simon Blobber! Who on earth is he? Rorke. Well, gentlemen, as men of honor, I'll Rorke. A thousand thanks, Major; you have place myself in your hands. The fact is, my remade me the happiest man in London. [Turning mittances have failed very inopportunely. [To to BLOBBER.] Now, as for you, my friend Mr. WeaWEAZEL.] That you know. The distinguished zel here will hand you the "one hundred and thirperson standing there-[ pointing to BLOBBER]-is ty-four-twelve-two"-and I'll throw in the suit a monument of the injustice of English law. My in which you've distinguished yourself so much. landlord has kindly "seized" for rent, and that Blob. Thanky, Mr. Rorke, you're a gentleman; aristocratic individual is "in possession." Not but jest tell your respectable uncle to have his wishing my friends to become acquainted with boots made a few sizes larger against the next what will prove only a temporary inconvenience, time as I come here to be put "IN POSSESSION." I dressed him in a suit of my uncle's clothes COSTUMES.-MODERN. THE END. THE NEW YORK DRAMA TRAGEDIES, A CHOICE COLLECTION OF COMEDIES, WITH FARCES, ETC.. CASTS OF CHARACTERS, STAGE BUSINESS, COSTUMES, RELATIVE POSITIONS, &c., ADAPTED TO THE HOME CIRCLE, PRIVATE THEATRICALS, AND THE AMERICAN STAGE. NO. 9. Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1876, by WHEAT & CORNETT, in the Office CASTE: "True hearts are more than coronets, And simple faith than Norman blood." An Original Comedy, in Three Acts. BY T. W. ROBERTSON, ESQ. CHARACTERS. Prince of Wales' Theatre, Hon. George D'Alroy. Mr. Fred. Younge. Wallack's, New York, Dec., 1875. VOL. 1. D'Alroy. True! [Sighs.] Ah! I can't live away from her! Hautree. Poor old D'Al! So you've brought me over the water to D'Alroy. Stangate! Hautree. [nods.] Stangate-to see her. For the same sort of a reason, when a patient is in a dangerous state, one doctor calls in another-doctor, to hold a consul-tation D'Alroy. And then-the patient dies! Hautree. Tell us all about it. You know I've been away. D'Alroy. Well, eighteen months ago— Hautree. Oh, cut that! You told me all that! Harry Beckett. How you went to the theatre, and saw a girl in Mr. H. J. Montague. Eccles. George Honey. Dixon.... J. F. Josephs. Madame Ponisi. Ada Dyas. Miss Effie Germon. D'Alroy. [hangs key on nail against flat R.] I told you so. The key was under the mat, in case I should come. The girls are not yet back from rehearsal. Confound rehearsals! [Crosses up L. Hautree. [R. front.] Aah! So this is the fairy's bowaw? D'Alroy. Yes. [L. 1 E.] And this is the fairy's fireplace! The fire is laid, and I'll light it! [Does so with match from mantel. Hautree. And this is the abode rendered sacred by her presence? This is where she lives, walks, and talks-eats and drinks? Does she-ah! eat and drink? D'Alroy. She-that is, Esther-is also very good to a younger sister. Hautree. Younger sister also angelic, amiable, and accomplished? Large temper! Hautree. I know. Pastry-cooks, Richmond. dinner, and-all that sawt of thing! D'Alroy. You're too fast, Hautree. Pastrycooks, yes! Richmond dinners, no! The fact is, your knowledge of the world fifty yards around barracks misleads you. I saw her every day. I fell in love, and kept on falling-falling-fallingtill I thought I never would reach the bottom. Then I met you. Hautree. Ya-as. I thought it only an amourette when you told me. It was a fire-a conflagration; subdue it. I saw it was a case, and I ad D'Alroy. Yes and heartily! I've seen her-vised you to try-dissipation. many a time! [Leans against mantel, L. 1 E. Hautree. Yass! [Takes chair, C. R. of table, L. c. front, playing with cane.] So you are really spooney? Case of true love? hit dead? D'Alroy. Right through! [Thoughtfully. D'Alroy. I did try dissipation. Hautree. With what success? D'Alroy. None! It gave me an aching head and a sore heart! Hautree. Try foreign travel. "Absence makes the heart grow" stronger! Get leave, and cut away. D'Alroy. I did get leave and cut away. While I was away, I was miserable. [At fireplace.] I found I was a goner coon than ever. Hautree. Then what is to be done? D'Alroy. I don't know. I ask you to come and see her. Hautree. Now, look here, D'Alroy! Of course you are not so soft as to think of marriage? You know what your mother is-and what she would think of it. You will behave properly-with a proper regard for the world and all that sort of thing or do the other thing. The-ah girl is nice enough no doubt, for her station, but you can't dream of making her Mrs. D'Alroy! D'Alroy. Why not? What's to prevent me? Hautree. The social laws-so good-of Caste! The inexorable laws of Caste! D'Alroy. My dear Art! Hautree. My dear D'Al! The other sort of thing the marriages with common people-is all very well in novels, and plays on the stage, where the people don't exist. There's no harm done, and it's sometimes interesting. But real people, real mothers, real relations, real connections, in real life, it's quite another matter. It's utter social and personal annihilation ! D'Alroy. [thoughtfully.] As for my mother, I never thought of her. Hautree. Of course not! Lovers are so beastly selfish. D'Alroy. My father died when I was three years old, and my mother married before I was six. Married a Frenchman. Hautree. A nobleman of the most ancient family -of equal blood to her own. She obeyed the laws imposed by Caste. D'Alroy. Caste again! That caused a separation between us. My brother lives abroad and I do not see him. I confess that as to my mother, I-I look upon her with a kind of superstitious awe! Hautree. Ya-as! She is a sort of Grand Brahmin Priestess! D'Alroy. Just so. Now I know I am a fool-I have a thick tongue and a lisp-which makes me appear more of a fool than I am. You are clever, Arthur, perhaps a little too clever! You are pay ing your devoirs [comes c. by table, smiling]-I believe that is the correct word? paying your devoirs to Florence Carberry, daughter of the Countess. She is of higher rank than you. Is she to forget Caste? Hautree. Ah! that argument does not apply. D'Alroy. [at mantel L. 1 E.] "True hearts are more than coronets, and simple faith than Norman blood!" Hautree. Oh, cut that! If you are a-going to look at it from the point of view of poetry-going off to No Man's Land, I won't follow you! D'Alroy. No gentleman can be ashamed of the woman he loves! Whatever her original station, he raises her to the same position he holds himself! Hautree. Ya-as! He raises her her! But, her connections, but, her relations! How about them? Voice of Eccles. [off R. U. E.] Polly! [Angrily.] Polly! Why the Enter ECCLES, R. 2. E. D. devil couldn't you- [HAUTREE rises. D'ALROY goes up L. to C., biting his lips. Eccles. [up R.] Mr. D'Alroy-[takes hat off]-I -I didn't see you. Good evening, sir! The same to you and many of them! D'Alroy. [to HAUTREE.] This is the father. Hautree. [aside.] The drunken father! Ah! D'Alroy. [to ECCLES.] I suppose Miss Esther and her sister have not yet returned from rehearsal? Eccles. [shuffles down R.] Not yet, sir. I expec' 'em in every minute. I hopes you 'ave been quite well since I seed you last? D'Alroy. Quite, thank you! By-the-by, this is a friend of mine I took the liberty of bringing with me. Eccles. [bows.] Any friend of the Honorable Mr. D'Alroy-I'm sure! [R. front. D'Alroy. And how have you been, Mr. Eccles? Eccles. Well, sir-[sigh]-I haven't been the thing at all. My 'ealth and spirits is broke. I'm not the man I used to be-I'm not accustomed to this sort of life. Ah! gentlemen, I'm a man what has seen better days-most like gone forever! It's a drefful thing for a man at my time of life to look back on better days gone most like forever. D'Alroy. I dessay. Eccles. Once proud and prosperous, now poor and lowly! Once a 'spectable tradesman, I'm forced by the pressure of circumstances over which I have no control, to seek for work and not to find it. D'Alroy. I dessay. Eccles. But the poor and lowly is often hardly used. What chance has a working-man? Hautree. [at fireplace L. 1 E., aside.] None! when he won't work! Eccles. I'm sorry, gentlemen, I can't offer you any refreshments. Ah! luxury and me has long been strangers-long been strangers! D'Alroy. Sorry to hear your misfortunes, Mr. Eccles! Eccles. Ah, sir! I've had many on 'em-many on 'em! D'Alroy. [gives ECCLES coin.] Perhaps you will permit me to offer you a trifling loan? Eccles. [smiles, etc.] You're a gentleman, Mr. D'Alroy! a real gentleman! hanybody can tell a real gentleman with half a sovereign! I mean, with half an heye! A real gentleman, and understands the nateral emotions of the working-man! Poverty! poverty's a thing that should be encouraged! and pride should be put down by the-the strong hand of pecooniary necessity! Thank 'eavens, we are all equal in mind and feelings! Hautree. [aside.] I should hope not. Eccles. [abruptly.] I've a neighbor I want to speak to, awaiting for me houtside. [Goes up, R.] The gals 'll be in presently. Sorry to leave you, gentlemen-sorry to leave you. D'Alroy. Don't mention it! Eccles. But business is business! gentlemen! [Hand on R. 2 E. D.] gentlemen, good evening. Good evening, Good evening, Exit R. 2 E. [Claps his hat on triumphantly. Hautree. [railing.] So this is Papa Eccles! But "True hearts are more than coronets, and simple faith than Norman blood." [D'ALROY in chair, C., by table.] Poor old boy! I wonder what the most noble your mother the Marquise de St. Maur would think of Papa Eccles. D'Alroy. Cut that! Hautree. Come, come, admit that there is something in Caste! Wed in the family of that drunkard, that rinsing of stale beer, that walking taproom! You've run too far-pull up. Try the |