The New Grandfather 66 SIR, I cannot offer you any remuneration until your gravel shall have formed itself into a stone when I will cut you with pleasure. C. BROWN" This of Brown's Mr. Benjamin has answered, insisting on an explanation of this singular circumstance. B. says: "When I read your letter and his following, I roared; and in came Mr. Snook, who on reading them seemed likely to burst the hoops of his fat sides." Shirley Brooks congratulates W. P. Frith, R.A., on arriving at the status of a grandfather, and adds counsel "PUNCH" OFFICE, November 21, 1865 - FRITH, EVEN GRANDFATHER FRITH, — With my whole soul do I congratulate thee and the Grandmama, and the venerable Aunt Sissy, and all the small uncles and infinitesimal aunts, or emmets. But chiefly I congratulate thee, O reverent and reverend, for the opportunity now afforded thee for the mending of thy ways. Henceforth we look for no frivolity from thee, no unseemly gibes and jests to which thou alone addest, "That's good," and echo is silent. Henceforth thou must study to live at peace with all men, as becomes white hairs, and let us hear no more when nounceth his "last exhibition," that thou didst hope it would begin at three minutes to eight a.m.; and be at Newgate. Truly this is a great chance for thee, O man of palettes, and aerial prospectives, and conscientious work, such as the Athenæum loves to indicate with the gesture called "taking a sight." an Learn psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, to "L'art d'être grandpère" be chanted unto thy Grandchild; and endeavour to obtain some knowledge of geography, etymology, tintacks, and prosody, that thou mayest not be put utterly to shame when the child shall demand information of thee. Leave off smoking, yet keep a box for thy younger friends who are not Grandfathers. Scoff not at architects, for where wouldst thou be but for houses? Nay, art not thou the founder of a house? Look no longer at the ankles of the other sex, save in the way of thy calling, and speak no soft words unto the maidens, saying, "Lo, I adore thee," when thou dost nothing of the kind. Abjure the society of low Bohebut cultivate the honest and and mians like virtuous, like Brooks, and, in so far as thou mayest, imitate him. Do not eat too much ham at breakfast, for temperance becometh the aged. Read few novels, but let those thou readest be of the best, as, Broken to Harness, The Silver Cord, An Artist's Proof, and Blount Tempest. Likewise, begin to dress less jauntily, and wear a high waistcoat like the Right Reverend Bellew, and the Right Reverend Brooks's. When thou goest to the Academy dinner, avoid, so far as thou canst, the taking too much wine, for what thing is less dignified than a swipey Grandfather? Cherish these counsels in the apple of thine eye, and in the pineapple of thy rum; and be thankful that at a time of life when other young men may not ungracefully indulge in youthful levity, thou art called to a higher and a graver sphere. Buy a stick, and practise walking with it, bending thy back, and not perking up elegantly when a comely female passeth by. Have grave men to thy feasts, notably him who ex Sarah Ann Dunn pecteth the interview with Mrs. Cottle, and to suffer as he never suffered before. So I greet thee, Grandfather, and hope that thou wilt have many grandsons and granddaughters, and wilt ask me to the christening of them all. S. B. A mother informs the Controller of the London "Guild of Play" of the good it has done to Sarah Ann DERE ERE AND HONERABLE MAAM,-I make so bold aster arsk if there can be a Guild of Play at every skule this winter, as I gets more work out of our Sarah Ann now she goes to that ther one of yours than ever I did afore. Her head's full of fairies, and sich like truck, but it makes her twice the gal she was, and she was anything but a hangel I kin tell yer, but if yer can turn er inside out like that with an hour a week I wishes as ow all the children could ave it too. - From yours obliging, MRS. DUNN Thomas Hayley (aged twelve) points out defects in William Cowper's translation of Homer EARTHAM, March 4, 1793 ONORED KING OF BARDS, - Since you deign HONORE to demand the observations of an humble and unexperienced servant of yours, on a work of one who is so much his superior (as he is ever ready to serve you with all his might) behold what you demand! but let me desire you not to censure me for my unskilful and perhaps (as they will undoubtedly appear to you) ridicu An Exacting Twelve-Year-Old lous observations; but be so kind as to receive them as a mark of respectful affection from your obedient servant, THOMAS HAYLEY Book. Line. I. I. I. 184. I cannot reconcile myself to these ex pressions, "Ah, cloth'd with impu wolf"; and 126, "Face of flint." 508. "Dishonor'd foul," is, in my opinion, an uncleanly expression. 651. "Reel'd," I think makes it appear as if Olympus was drunk. 749. "Kindler of the fires in Heaven," I think makes Jupiter appear much like a lamplighter. too II. 317-319. These lines are, in my opinion, below the elevated genius of Mr. Cowper. XVIII. 300-304. This appears to me to be rather Irish, since in line 300 you say, "No one sat," and in 304, "Polydamas rose." The Guilty Poet replies WESTON, March 14, 1793 MY DEAR LITTLE CRITIC, I thank you heartily for your observations, on which I set an higher value, because they have instructed me as much, and have entertained me more, than all the other strictures of our public judges in these matters. Perhaps I am not much more pleased with shameless wolf, etc., than you. But what is to be done, my little man? Coarse A Humble Poet as the expressions are, they are no more than equivalent to those of Homer. The invective of the ancients was never tempered with good manners, as your papa can tell you! and my business, you know, is not to be more polite than my author, but to represent him as closely as I can. Dishonor'd foul I have wiped away, for the reason you give, which is a very just one, and the present reading is this Who had dared dishonor thus Your objection to kindler of the fires of heaven, I had the good fortune to anticipate, and expunged the dirty ambiguity some time since, wondering, not a little, that I had ever admitted it. The fault you find with the two first verses of Nestor's speech, discovers such a degree of just discernment, that but for your papa's assurance to the contrary, I must have suspected him as the author of that remark: much as I should have respected it, if it had been so, I value it, I assure you, my little friend, still more as yours. In the new edition the passage will be found thus altered — Alas! great sorrow falls on Greece to-day, Where the word reel suggests to you the idea of a drunken mountain, it performs the service to which I destined it. It is a bold metaphor; but justified by one of the sublimest passages in Scripture, compared with the sublimity of which even that of Homer suffers humiliation. |