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wondered what he could mean. Gave up cricket club, on account of the bad air about Paddington: could not run in it without being out of breath.
34. Measured for a new coat. Tailor proposed fresh measure, hinting something about bulk. Old measure too short; parchment shrinks. Shortened my morning ride to Hampstead and Highgate, and wondered what people could see at Hendon. Determined not to marry means expensive, and dubious. Counted eighteen bald heads in the pit at the Opera. So much the better; the more the merrier.
35. Tried on an old great coat, and found it an old little one cloth shrinks as well as parchment. Red face in putting on shoes. Bought a shoe-horn. Remember quizzing my uncle George for using one: then young and foolish. Brother Charles's wife lay-in of her eighth child. Served him right for marrying at twenty-one age of discretion too! Hunting-belts for gentlemen hung up in glover's windows. Longed to buy one, but two women in shop cheapening mittens. Three gray hairs in left eye-brow.
36. Several gray hairs in whiskers: all owing to carelessness in manufactory of shaving-soap. member thinking my father an old man at thirty-six. Settled the point! Men grew old sooner in former days. Laid blame upon flapped waistcoats and tiewigs. Skaited on the Serpentine. Gout. Very foolish exercise, only fit for boys. Gave skaits to Charles's eldest son.
37. Fell in love again. Rather pleased to find myself not too old for the passion. Emma only nineteen. What then? women require protectors; day settled; devilishly frightened; too late to get off. Luckily jilted. Emma married George Parker one day before me. Again determined never to marry. Turned off old tailor, and took to new one in Bondstreet. Some of these fellows make a man look ten years younger. Not that that was the reason.
38. Stuck rather more to dinner-parties. Gave up
Quadrilles. Waltzing certainly more fatiguing than formerly. Fiddiers play it too quick. Polkas stealing hither over the channel. Thought of adding to number of grave gentlemen who learn to dance. Dick Dapper dubbed me one of the over-growns. Very impertinent, and utterly untrue.
39. Valse à deux temps rising. Wondered sober mistresses of families would allow their carpets to be beat after that fashion. Dinner-parties increasing. Found myself gradually Tontine-ing it towards top of table. Dreaded Ultima Thule of hostess's elbow. Good places for cutting turkies; bad for cutting jokes. Wondered why I was always desired to walk up. Met two schoolfellows at Pimlico; both fat and red-faced. Used to say at school that they were both of my age; what lies boys tell!
40. Look back ten years. Remember, at thirty, thinking forty a middle-aged man. Must have meant fifty. Fifty certainly the age of wisdom. Determined to be wise in ten years. Wished to learn music and
Italian. Tried Hullah. 'Twould not do. No defect of capacity, but those things should be learned in childhood.
41. New furnished chambers. Looked in new glass: one chin too much. Looked in other new glass; chin still double. Art of glass-making on the decline. Sold my horse, and wondered people could find any pleasure in being bumped. What were legs made for?
42. Gout again: that disease certainly attacks young people more than formerly. Caught myself at a rubber of whist, and blushed. Tried my hand at original composition, and found a hankering after epigram and satire. Wondered I could ever write love sonnets. Imitated Horace's ode "Ne sit ancilla." Did not mean anything serious, though Susan certainly civil and attentive.
43. Bought a hunting belt. Braced myself up till ready to burst. Stomach not to be trifled with: threw it aside. Young men, now-a-days, much too small in
the waist. Read in Morning Post an advertisement "Pills to prevent Corpulency :" bought a box. Never the slimmer, though much the sicker.
44. Met Fanny Stapleton, now Mrs. Meadows, at Crystal Palace. Twenty-five years ago wanted to marry her. What an escape! Women certainly age much sooner than men. Charles's eldest boy began to think himself a man. Starched cravat and a cane. What presumption! At his age I was a child.
45. A few wrinkles about the eyes, commonly called crow's feet. Must have caught cold. Began to talk politics, and shirk the drawing-room. Eulogized Kean : saw nothing in Phelps. Talked of Lord Melbourne. Wondered at the licentiousness of the modern press. Why can't people be civil, like Junius and John Wilkes in the good old times?
46. Rather on the decline, but still handsome and interesting. Growing dislike to the company of young men all of them talk too much or too little. Began to call chambermaids at Inns "My dear." Listened to a howl from Capt. Querulous, about family expenses, price of bread and butcher's meat. Did not care a jot if bread was a shilling a roll, and butcher's meat fifty pounds a calf. Hugged myself in "single blessedness."
47. Top of the head quite bald. Shook it, on reflecting that I was but three years removed from the "Age of Wisdom." Teeth sound, but not so white as heretofore. Something the matter with the dentifrice. Began to be cautious in chronology. Bad thing to remember, too far back. Had serious thoughts of not remembering Madame Vestris.
48. Quite settled not to remember Madame Vestris. Thought that I certainly did not look forty-eight.
49. Resolved never to marry for anything but money or rank.
50. Age of wisdom, Married my cook!
THE OLD GRENADIER'S STORY.
"Twas the day beside the Pyramids,
The Mamelukes were tossing
Their standards to the sky, When I heard a child's voice say, "My men, Teach me the way to die!"
'Twas a little drummer, with his side
As though the wound were not.
"My mother has got other sons,
Yet still life's sweet," the brave lad moaned,
I saw Salenche, of the granite heart,
Than mere loud sobs and cries,
One bit his cartridge till his lip
O never saw I sight like that,
Then, with a shout that flew to God,
I saw their red plumes join and wave,
The last who went-a wounded man-
I never saw so sad a look
As the poor youngster cast, When the hot smoke of cannon
In cloud and whirlwind pass'd. Earth shook, and Heaven answered: I watched his eagle eye,
As he faintly moaned, "The Forty-third Teach me the way to die!"
Then, with a musket for a crutch,
Had neither strength nor might.
I heard him moan "The Forty-third
They found him on the morrow,