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Reader, are you a Scotch advocate? You snuff the long wick with your a confounded ninny as to leave a good
the points of the compass are as hidden edition of Cicero. You see the words, as at the North Pole and on madly and stride along the cold dim room in rushing at a venture, out of a glimmer the sulks. Your object has been to supposed to be the door, you go like a improve your mind your moral and battering-ram against a great vulgar intellectual nature - and along with white-painted clothes-chest, and fall the rest, no doubt, your temper. You down exhausted on the uncarpetted therefore bite your lip, and shake and sliddery floor. Now, thou Matu- your foot, and knit your brows, and tine Rose of Christmas, tell me if there feel yourself to be a most amiable, fabe any exaggeration here? But you tional, and intelligent young gentlefind the door so much the worse, for man. In the midst of these morning there is a passage leading to a stair, and studies, from which the present and all head over heels you go, till you collect future ages will derive so much benefit, your senses and your limbs on the the male and female servants begin to bear-skin in the lobby. You are a bestir themselves, and a vigoroạs knockphilosopher, I presume, so you enter ing is heard in the kitchen of a poker your study—and a brown study it is, brandished by a virago against the with a vengeance. But you are rather great, dull, keeping-coal in the grate. weak than wicked, so you have not ore Doors begin to bang, and there is hearda dered poor Grizzy to quit her chaff, clattering of pewter. Then comes the and kindle your fire. She is snoring gritty sound of sand, as the stairs and undisturbed below. Where is the tin- lobby are getting made decent; and, der-box? You think you recollect the not to be tedious, all the undefinable item precise spot where you placed it at ten stir, bustle, uproar, and stramash of a o'clock the night before, for, being an general clearance. Your door is openearly riser up, you are also an early ed every half minute, and formidable lyer down. You clap your blundering faces thrust in, half in curiosity, and en fist upon the ink-stand, and you hear half in sheer impertinence, by valets, it spurting over all your beautiful and butlers, grooms, stable-boys, cooks
, um invaluable manuscripts—and perhaps and scullions, each shutting the door **** over the title page of some superb book with his or her own peculiar bang; of prints, which Mr Blackwood, or Mr while whisperings, and titterings, and Miller, or Mr Constable, has lent you horse laughter, and loud gaffaws, ares to look at, and to return unscathed. testifying the opinion formed by these The tinder-box is found, and the fire amiable domestics, of the conformation is kindled--that is to say, it deludes of the upper story of the early riser. On you with a faithless smile ; and after rushing into the breakfast parlour, puffing and blowing till the breath is the butt end of a mop or broom is nearly out of your body, you heave thrust into your mouth, as, a pensive sigh for the bellows. You mortal man, the mutched mawsey find them on a nail, but the leather is what she calls dusting the room ; and; burst, and the spout broken, and no- stagger where you will, you come up. thing is emitted but a short asthmatic on something surly; for a man who pluff, beneath which the last faint leaves his bed at six of a winter mornspark lingeringly expires-and like ing is justly reckoned a suspicious chaMoses when the candle went
out, you racter, and thought to be no better find yourself once more in the dark. than he should be. But, as Mr Hostel After an hour's execration, you have says, I will pursue the parallel no fara made good your point, and with hands ther. all covered with tallow, (for depend I have so dilated and descanted on upon it, you have broken and smashed the first head of my discourse, that I the candle, and had sore to do to prop must be brief on the other two, name it up with paper in a socket too full of ly, the connection between early rising ancient grease,) sit down to peruse or and the various professions, and be to indite some immortal work, an ora- tween the
same judicious habit, and tion of Cicero or Demosthenes, or an the peculiar character of individuals article for Ebony. Where are the snuffers?
up stairs in your bed-room. You say you are. Well, are you fingers, and a dreary streak of black im- warm bed at four in the morning, to mediately is drawn from top to bottom study a case on which of the page of the beautiful Oxford a much
better speech if you never study
of the go to bed whenever the sun chuses to rising. Henceforth, then, let no kna
10. Yaki at all, and for which you have al- the bill. None but a knave or an idiot the meady received L.2, 2s. Do you think I will not mince the matter-rises
effrey hops out of bed at that hour ? early, if he can help it. Early risers acojet to, no, catch him doing that. Unless, are generally milk-sop spoonies, ninhind-ini
herefore, you have more than a fourth nies with broad unmeaning fáces and se 2 art of his business, (for, without groset eyes, cheeks odiously ruddy,
powing you, I predict that you have and with great calves to their legs. your liri.
o more than a fourth part of his ta- They slap you on the back, and blow knit raa'ants,) lie in bed till half past eight. their noses like a mail-coach horn. be a mx _f you are not in the Parliament They seldom give dinners. “Sir, tea lligent Iouse till ten, nobody will miss you. is ready.” “ Shall we join the laidar el leader, are
you a clergyman ?-A man dies ?" A rubber at whist, and by ich the forho has only to preach an old sermon eleven o'clock, the whole house is in a Zlerivesof his old father, need not, surely, snore. Inquire into his motives for male steel himself called upon by the stern early rising, and it is perhaps to get andereroice of duty, to put on his small- an appetite for breakfast. Is the great he kic" slothes before eight in summer, and healthy brute not satisfied with three a vim aine in winter. Reader, are you a penny-rolls and a pound of ham to ping-calzalf-pay officer?-Then sleep till ele- breakfast, but he must walk down to ng, andizren; for well thumbed is your copy of the Pier-head at Leith to increase his rter. The Army List, and you need not be voracity? Where is the virtue of gobsand, astılways studying. Reader, are you an bling up three turkey's eggs, and deg male èEditor ? - Then doze till dinner ; for molishing a quartern loaf, before his s, all d she devils will be let loose upon thee in Majesty's lieges are awake? But I Dar
, and the evening, and thou must then cor am now speaking of your red, rosy, 2. l'ourirect all thy slips.
greedy idiot. Mark next your pale, nute
, ardı. But I am getting stupid-somewhat sallow early riser. He is your prudent, hali in esleepy; for, notwithstanding this phil- calculating, selfish money-scrivener. pertina dippic against early rising, I was up It is not for nothing he rises. It is stakes this morning before ten o'clock; so I shocking to think of the hypocrite ch shu must conclude.. One argument in fa- saying his prayers so early in the morn
vour of early rising, I must, however. ing, before those are awake whom he s, and notice. We are told that we ought to intends to cheat and swindle before he
lie down with the sun, and rise with goes to bed.
and in like manner, when he despised and hated. But people of
ciple ; we move in different spheres. appear in your Magazine are numberze the perime But if the sun never
fairly sets at all ed as if they belonged to a series,—.., for six months, which they say he does II., III., and so forth. If you chuse, not very far north, are honest people you may number mine, “ On Early
on that account to sit up all that time Rising. No. I.” If I continue the sethe other for him? That will never do.
ries, my future communications shall Finally, it is taken for granted by all be written in bed in the forenoon, early risers, that early rising is a vir- and will not fail of being excellent. tuous habit, and that they are all a
Yours, sincerely. most meritorious and prosperous set
SERO SED SERIO. of people. I object to both clauses of
and loud anion form
ವ uned a
ed and bad my dister
TAE LITERARY POCKET-BOOK; OR COMPANION FOR THE LOTER
OF NATURE AND ART.
If we were in one of our savage now praise the little red Literary Poca moods, we should take up this little ket-Book for 1822. red Literary Pocket-Book, and tear it The prose, at the beginning of the into ten hundred thousand pieces, volume, seems to be from the pen of strewing the December gales with Mr Leigh Hunt. Perhaps this conthem like drifting snow-flakes. But jecture is a stupid blunder of ours, we are not in one of our savage moods. and that gentleman may smile at our We are sitting, with a pleasant smile simplicity. If so, far better is it for on our intelligent features, and would him to smilpat us than to frown. When not even hurt the Fly. Besides, we he smiles, his countenance has always en love the Olliers; and should we detect appeared to us rather engaging ; when them in the publication of trash, we he frowns, we cannot charge our meshall shut our eyes and pass on, pre- mory with so absurd looking a persontending not to observe it. Impartiality age. The perk of his mouth, and the is an odious vice in a critic. *It shews crispness of his chin, always incline he can have no heart. But our charac, us, when he sports wrathful, to pall ter, we trust, is too well established his nose. But when he smiles, the for partiality, for us to be under any case, as we said, is wholly altered, and apprehension on that other score. we then feel disposed to invite him to Where is the man of talent and of tea. We wish some friend would tell virtue, to whom we have not shewn him this--for he never sees Blackthe grossest partiality ?-They are our wood; and, as we know he has a true friends, and we can't help it
. If we and keen relish of a compliment, we are blamed for this, it is only by the wish him to be made happy by our bepert and the peevish, the vain and the nevolence. In a late Number of the vile
, the libellous and the licentious, Examiner, he seems to intimate to the the demagogue, the incendiary, and inhabitants of Cockaigne, that he once the traitor. These we have treated, challenged “to mortal combat, or ca and will treat,
with the most rigorous reer with lance," a general-nfficer, wel is impartiality; if we cannot amend, we known in the military and literary will at least punish- if we cannot close world, for an article in this Magazine, the jaw, we will extract
the fang—if supposed to contain some offensive we save the reptile's life, we will de- matter. We allude to General Izzard stroy his poison-bag. But why this The General assures us that he has no burst of eloquence ? -The Olliers are recollection
whatever of that allege? good men,-and, therefore, not only incident in the life of Mr Hunt, wbe: shall we treat them justly ourselves, must have been thinking of some other þut we shall see that
they are proper- person, and some other work. Mr Hun ly respected by others. We have heard must refresh
his memory with a couple it whispered that Charles Ollier is the of saloop, and he will be happy to find author of that clever and kind-hearted that he was mistaken in having suflittle volume, “Altham and his Wife.” posed that
he ever committed such a If so, he ought to review in this Ma- Hagrant act of folly and infatuation as gazine, instead of being reviewed ;-for to challenge any gentleman connected we like him, because there is nothing in any way with this work, from C.N. lumbering
about his style. He does ourselves, down to the lowest devil in not write, like some others we could the infernal establishment of Mr Balname, with a broad-nibbed pen, ori- lantyne. We recollect, some years ago ginally flourished by some clerk in a that a little tailor challenged Tom public office, and haggled at with a Crib—in the newspapers, and got blunt knife, till it leaves every stroke himself bound over to keep the peace about the thickness
of a ram-rod. His Had this salutary precaution not been mind writes a neat running-hand, and taken, no doubt he would have killed his mental manuscripts are not blurred the Champion. In like manner, and blotted. We love the Olliers, both undoubtedly remember some sort of C. and J.-and, therefore, we shall blustering in the Examiner a few years
• London. C. and J. Ollier, Vere Street, Bond Street. 1822.
ago, by a near relation of Mr Hunt's, should be so sorely troubled with the now, we fear, in jail. But it could not cholic, the gripes, and the mullygrubs. be a challenge, surely, to General Is he sure that he regularly follows Izzard—for gentlemen do not com- his doctor's prescriptions? We susmunicate private messages of that kind pect he is a restive patient, and does through the medium of the public not take kindly to his pills. However prints ;-they are never senton stamp- unpoetical a dose of salts may seem to
be to his distempered fancy, let him Pray, what does Mr Hunt mean by make a mouth, and gulp them. A very calling all our contributors “ men of sweet series of sonnets might, we the world?”—Many of us are so-Our think, be composed by the Centurion, selves, Dr Morris, Wastle, Lawer- entitled,“ Series of Sonnets, on seeing winkle, Odoherty, and some others. my friend Leigh Hunt boggling at a But can there be a more enormous Dose of Glauber Salts.” How can we absurdity than to call Kemperhausen, better illustrate our humanity, than or Delta, or the two Mullions, or Dr by wishing to see Mr Hunt restored Berzelius Pendragon, or Tims, or the to sanity, both of mind and body, many other old ladies, and young though we know that he is to leap up misses, who embellish and adorn our like a giant refreshed, and sally forth work, men of the world ? Mr Hunt, to our destruction ? One single anecmust see his idiotcy the moment it is doto of us, such as this, is a sufficient thus pointed out. Yet granting that answer to all the calumnies that have Blackwood's Magazine were, in some ever wounded our peace of mind. The measure, written by men of the world, day on which Mr Hunt is able to sit is it not generally reported that the up in his night-gown and slippers-Examiner is much more written by may be that of our doom ; and yet we women of the town? Now, what would not only wish to see him so sitting Mr Hunt think of our liberality, were once more, but absolutely arrayed in we, on a mere malicious rumour like his most formidable and terrific and this, to assert that most of the articles irresistible garb, his yellow breeches, on life and manners have been, for and flesh-coloured silk stockings. some years past, written by a Mrs Sim- There is true magnanimity!
Why, mous, formerly the kept mistress of if Mr Hunt has not a heart of cherrythe late Lord Camelford, and who was stone, he will weep to think that he the innocent cause of his fatal duel should ever have uttered one syllable with Mr Best? Would it not be ex- in our dispraise. If, after this, he tremely illiberal in us to bring forward should persist in his attempts to dethis report as an accusation against the stroy us, we shall, both by the law of character of the Examiner? Mrs Sim- nature and of nations, be justified in mons' alleged articles seem, to our un putting his majesty to death. prejudiced minds, often the most cle Mr Hunt informs the Public, in diver, and always the least indecent, of rect contradiction to her own knowany in that work. And we should think ledge, that our sale is diminishing. meanly of ourselves indeed, if we were Has Mr Hunt nothing to do with his ever to taunt Mr Hunt with the pro own private affairs-his own sales and fession of any of the fair writers, whose purchases, that he must thus interfere lucubrations gain him bread. We have with ours? We never boasted of our no doubt, indeed, that Mrs Simmons sale--17,000 is not such a sale as we has more regard to her own character desire, and deserve. But, as sales go, than to write in the Examiner. But it is not so much amiss ;-and even if were she to do so, we confess that Mr Hunt should have ascertained that many allowances should have to be it has fallen off a few dozens in his made for a woman of genius, placed own kingdom, of which he has given in her peculiar circumstances, even no proof but his own assertion, (and while we lament that distress should that, to those who know Mr Hunt, ever have driven her from a life of would not, in a court of justice, greatly error and misfortune, into a connexion endanger either life or property,) yet, which a harsh world might call one is the royal edict proclaiming the still more degrading.
great fact somewhat premature. For Mr Hunt regrets that bad health our last quarter's revenue surpassed has for some time past prevented him that of any previous quarter by nearly from putting down our Magazine. It L. 1500 ; so that, if a few subscribers grieves us to think that Mr Hunt in Cockaigne have, either from fear
or favour, taken off their names from happy on a holiday. Sooth ber—rub the list which contains those of all her gently with the hair - chuck sier has the talent, virtue, taste, and wealth her under the chin, and coax her to in the country, the erasure, however hold up her head-whisper into her ear portentous to our existence it may that she is quite killing-squeeze her have been deemed by the poor crea- hand-give her a kiss, and treat ber to tures about the Court, has not been a glass-not of bitters and blue ruin, of followed, instantly at least, either by but of double brown stout, with a beef men, a gradual decay, or sudden annihila- steak and a quartern loaf. So ought s stethi tion, and we still continue to distress England to be treated on a holidaythe Banks by our deposits.
and so she will be treated, in spite of add a But this is one way of reviewing Mr Hunt, and all those other dolorowankete a book-so to business.
swains, who make love in a whisper, 33
, ent Mr Hunt, (as we suppose,) indites and imagine they can win the affet. Bebeih. his feelings and sentiments respecting tions of a jolly, bouncing, buxom! the holidays that are still kept in the wench like England, by impudently but we metropolis; and, with certain abate- telling her that she is half starved, and the artic ments and drawbacks, these little slim hasafaceas shrivelled asanapple-John
. M: Hu Essays are amiable and lively. There There is also some bad wit in the Poets in ra is in almost one and all of them a por- ket-Book, but so is there in Black- ie Nr tion of sulky and senseless whining wood's Magazine, which is some es- for a about starvation, taxes, money-getting, cuse for Mr Hunt, and all other 57, rea and so forth, which, in handling the men. However, in a few short essays, aalays a description of a holiday, honest people a considerable quantity of bad wit is ex dist ought not to be badgered with it is more apt to attract attention than a Nada disgusting and repulsive. Thus he small quantity in many long volumes zem says, before he has well opened his (That sentence, by the way, must have pict
, he mouth, “Holidays serve to put people been quoted unintentionally from sone of in mind that there is a green and a work of Sir John Sinclair's). The fol glad world, as well as a world of brick lowing paragraph should have been on ne and mortar, and money-getting. They scratched out of Mr Hunt's MS. with, 9 d the remind them disinterestedly of one red ink, and a distinct DELE put upor another, or that they have other things it :-“We might as well trace a laugh part to interchange besides bills and com or an appetite to a particular nation, auto modities. If it were not for holidays, as the rejoicing for a new year; " , 1E and poetry, and such like stumbling- might as well deduce our noses frem Fe, en blocks to square-toes, there would be the Dog-ribbed Indians, or our wisk no getting out of the way of care and to be comfortable from the Tartars, & common-places." This is cockneyish our tendency to look sad in the toothand ugly. It checks the genial cur- ache from the Hyperboreans, or yawirent of the soul before it has well be- ing from the Celtic tribes, or lifting gan to flow. We see Mr Hunt begin- our hands to our heads (especially in ning to bristle up, and put himself putting on our hats) from the degrees, into a fume. He is an Indicator of tire or our disinclination to be kicked from Examiner, and in that character he is the Samothracians.” This is pure most offensive. A little farther on, in nonsense, and can amuse nobody
. alluding to the expression of “ merry Whatever be our other faults and deold England,” he says, “We feel too ficiencies and, God knows, they are truly that it is melancholy new Eng- not a few,--nobody has ever denied to land-as melancholy as a new jail, or a new cut from a canal, or a new light
, ous, the lively and the witty. This
us a nice pe ception of the hunuaror a new lease under a racking land- is neither. It is like the pleasantry of lord.” Now does our good and sensible a man with a nu? friend Charles Ollier
think that Eng- der from the touch of a bum-hailiffs lish people, who buy little red Literary lily-hand. It mig Pocket-Books, will pick out such tid- ten in a spunging-? bits as these, and smack their lips after men of non-chalance them on a holiday ?-He cannot. If of the poor gentlemar. England have the vapours and the blue He himself feels a pai devils if she be as melancholy as a of his cheek, as he gib-cat, do not tell her so to her face, them into an effective when she is exerting herself to be
abness in his shoul.
It have been writ-
But the smile
To be done with or