29. Look but to any other periodical,

What are the most of them but spoonies shallow,
Toiling for fame with pains the most methodical,

Still in the mire of impotence they wallow;
We have tried it oft, nor do we deem it odd at all,

That they our cast-off papers gladly swallow;
Without a change in verb, or noun, or particle,
We have seen such printed for a leading article.

There is the Monthly frothing o'er, and swelling,

With the bombast of Sir Pythagoras,
The knight who thinks his cabbage leaves excelling

Roast beef, and glorious Newton a mere ass;
Within his leaves the eye is ever dwelling,

(We wonder that such stuff can ever pass!) On notes from Constant Readers, ditties soft, Stuff algebraical, and Capel Lofft.


Then the New Monthly in its pomp appears,

But weak, weak, weak--the thing will never do
Essay on Hats," and " Chapter on Long Ears,"

,” “ The State of Learning in Peru," “ Verses on Seeing a Lady Bathed in Tears ;"

Oh, gentle Campbell ! what a thick-skull'd crew Art thou combined with it must surely grieve, To have such ninnies pinn'd upon your sleeve.

32. For thine is noble verse, and purest thought,

And taste that seldom errs; thy glowing muse
From the bright rainbow has her colours caught;

And into life's recesses can infuse
A soft romantic tinge, with beauty fraught;

And Nature, on thy page, is bright with dews
Of earliest morning, while the hills and streams
Seem what bewitch'd us in our youthful dreams.

33. Enough of this : then, monthly hobbling out,

Comes, propt on staff, our ancient friend Sylvanus Urban; we swear that only dread of gout,

Worthy old fellow, doth at home detain us From paying thee a visit ; though, no doubt,

Hobbing and nobbing much, do yet remain us ;Long may'st thou, rare one, meet the public view, With ruffles starch'd, toupee, and powder'd queue ;

34. For thou art sound and healthy at the core,

And England's pure blood circles in thy veins; Thou turn'st a deaf ear to the rabble roar,

And faith and loyalty with thee remains; Though not profound, thou hast good sense, and more

Than such as bring forth mice from mountain pains ; Keep yourself warm,—for sure you can't be reckon'd Young, who wert born in reign of George the Second.

35. Then there's thy jumbled stew of goodish, baddish,

Taylor and Hessy, monthly boiling up; The Lion's toothless ; Elia looketh saddish, Like an old spinster o'er her seventh

cup; -Poor Leigh, whom Izzard physick'd with horse-radish,

And Bill, on lettuces who loves to sup,
Join with John Clare, and Janus, apt to stutter,
So Bentham says, his mouth's so full of butter.

36. Well, let them fume away, and let them pass

Onward, and downward, to oblivion's shades, Quick as the phantom shapes of Banquo's glass,

Of modern literature the true Jack Cades; Though pert and beauish-like they be, alas!

Precise, and pinion'd, like a Knave of SpadesWith laughter horse-like, and with goose-quills nimbleEach head is empty as a tinkling cymbal.

37. Go to the deuce all others !-but the day

Shall come not I forget thee, Maggie Scott, Although in anger thou hast thrown away

Thy blue, and ta'en a grass-green petticoat ;
Decent old woman !- lovely in decay

Art thou ;-though toothless, we forget thee not;
We loved thee in our youth, and ne'er another
Shall steal our hearts from thee, good grandmother.


Yet we must own (sub rosa) that a nap

We sometimes take amid thy prosing stories; With palsied head, that shakes beneath its cap,

Thou tell’st us of thy youth, and youthful glories, How many gallant hearts thou did'st entrap,

And how they all did rant and write in chorus ;-
Forbid it, goodness, that we stain our page
With hits against the infirmities of age !

Who would find fault with garrulous old age ?-

It is a thing to nature's failing common; On thee let no harsh critic vent his rage,

The action would be wanton and inhuman; Although (we speak aside upon the stage)

We doubt you much resemble Duffle's womanThe weak, weak woman, wearyful, who spoke

All night and day, as regular as a clock;

40. Who gabb'd, and gazed, and clatter'd without end,

Though in the intellects as weak as water ; Good-natured, but to common sense no friend,

Making of words interminable slaughter : Oh! Maggie, do not so our ear-drums rend,

You'll deave us all, each mother's son and daughter ; The boon is vain, she vows to table down More stuff, if folks would proffer half-a-crown.


41. Children, the year hath waned away; a new

Opens before us; we are as a pack Which Time the pedlar, kindly to a few,

And sour to thousands, carries on his back;
On as he jostles, daily, you may view

Some on death's dunghill downward falling whack,
And others -- but we never saw our match !
We are always trolling at some dismal catch.

42. Well, we intend-our guerdon be our word

This year to shoulder crutch, and do our best; All other periodicals absurd

Shall look, when out we sally primely dress'd
In Wisdom's great-coat, richly caped and furr’d,-

In Learning's small-clothes, and in Humour's vest,
With Eloquence's flour-puff powder'd grand,
And Criticism's stiff rattan in our hand.

43. Already Europe bows before our nod,

And echoes back our dicta : India, too, (Land by the umber-colour'd Bramin trod,)

And wide America keeps monthly view Of us, and loves us dearly ; it is odd

That even we please the democratic crew, Who read, and wish us down to Tartarus hot ;We are also relish'd by the Hottentot !

44. But one thing we have omitted ; we are sorry,

That when the northern squadron last set sail,
We did not send out lots, by Captain Parry,

Of Magazines, to civilize the whale,–
The Greenlanders we mean: We now must tarry

Till the spring vessels scud before the gale ;
For 'tis a crime laid at the door of Kit,
That these bleak realms in darkness still do sit.

45. Farewell !-a word that hath been, and must be

Beloved friends, the best of friends must part ; Monthly to all our newest news shall flee,

With comments on life's dim and mazy chart.-
As long as blows the wind, or heaves the sea,

At least as long as life-blood warms the heart,
Believe, oh! gentle reader, among men,
You have no friend, sincerer than

C. N.

VANDERBRUMMER: OR, THE SPINOSIST. VANDERBRUMMER was a student at tainment in his apartment to two other Leyden, where he had come to acquire students. One of them was a German the medical art. He was sober and named Kroetzer, a man given to the retired in his habits. Being fond of study of the ancient languages and reading, he often extended his inqui- philosophy. The other, whose name ries beyond what pertained to his own was Laet, was educating for a Dutch department. Metaphysics also drew clergyman. Their conversation turned his attention, and led him to study the on the separation of friends and assoancient writers. But he found them ciates, and how it might be regarded not according to his liking, for hie by persons of different constitutions or thought them either too cold and de- opinions. Vanderbrummer, taking his finitive, or too devotedly contemplative two companions by the hands, said, of the beautiful, and neglectful of hu- “ Although I esteem you both, I feel man affections. His mind, from the something at leaving you; I am conbeginning, had inclined most towards vinced in opinion that such throbbings thought concerning substantive exist- come altogether from delusive appear. ence, and he often wished to lose all ances; for nature is one, and whendifferences of feeling, in the notion of ever, in future, I meet with an affecan universal community of being, and tionate honest clergyman, I meet again relationship with nature. This filled with the very being of Laet, the same his mind with a sort of absolute ten- that now speaks to me, though appearderness, but with no admiration for ing in another place, and in a different the beautiful, and with no aspiring form; and also, whenever I meet with wish; for he delighted to think his a man of pure intellect, I find again moving spirit was internally of the the rest of Kroetzer meeting me there." same feeling with the weeds which Laet replied, " Now this is bringgrew under his window, or the water ing in metaphysics where I would which stagnated in the neighbouring scarcely have expected them ; but I do pool. While his mind was forming not, on that account, question the truth these notions for itself, the writings of of your feelings towards me. I never Spinoza fell into his hands, and shew- can think of any one of my friends but ed him how an endeavour might be as remaining always in his individual made to prove, by logical deduction, self; nor can I take

any other

person what he wished habitually to feel. for his essence, which, to my feelings,

But his medical courses being com- is always his and no other's." pleted, the time came for him to re- Vanderbrummer replied," Ah, turn home to his father, a thriving Laet, I see you will not take the whole merchant in Amsterdam. This was of nature as cautioner for its parts." not displeasing to Vanderbrummer; Here Kroetzer observed, -" Your for, before coming to Leyden, he had doctrine, Vanderbrummer, sounds like been deeply attached to a young lady an abstraction, but, in truth, is the in his native city; and his love re- very reverse. For, when you say that mained undiminished, and was che- you expect to meet elsewhere with rished by him with every probability of what is here in Laet, you do not speak success. Therefore, when the term for of similarity of kind, but universality his departure was at hand, he cheer- of essence. fully packed up his books, and bestir- To which Vanderbrummer answerred his mind in expectation of exchan- ed,-“Yes, and what I seek after is the ging the college modes of life, for the feeling of that universality amidst its dissimilar habits of a physician prac- differences of appearances. But, I fear tising his art in a town. At this time, that Laet, when he has once got sethe received a letter from his father, tled for life in some country place, or directing him not to return to Amster- on some milk and cheese giving pasdam, but first to go to England, Scot- ture, will forget any thing general that land, and France, for farther insight he has learnt here, and will see nature into his profession.

only in the form of his house, of his Vanderbrummer prepared to obey wife and children, or his church this order. But, one evening before steeple." he left Leyden, he gave a small enter- To which Laet replied, " EstimaVol. X.

3 R


ble is learning, and beyond all price is nosisticas putarem. Et sonos qui, Belreligion, but dear is true attachment. gicum concentum, inter nationes, apAnd if I, as clergyman, were to know pellari solent, tibi magis gratos credi. and be personally concerned for all of derim quam verissima harmonia. Si my flock, would not that be enough ?" omnia communis substantiæ sint nihil

No,” said Vanderbrummer. “Not diutius abominandum, vile, aut imalthough you knew the name and con- mundum erit.” Vanderbrummer said, cerns of every person in Holland; for, with some bitterness, Quæ non so long as you see nature in the form munda sunt, mundana tamen erint." of individuals, you are as far as ever The Professor answered, " Apage hæc from what I seek to feel.”

turpissima, et scientiæ maxime conKroetzer then said,—“ I dissent traria.” The Student went away with. from both of your opinions. For my out making any reply; and, every mind desires most to feel relations thing being ready for his departure, which it may always be able to find he soon left Leyden. again, the same as before, since that Vanderbrummer felt mingled sengives fortitude, confidence and cer- sations of pleasure and regret when tainty. Therefore, I neither would he stepped on board the vessel which wish, like Laet, merely to be placed was to convey him to England. He in a situation for enjoying always the had not as yet crossed any

part of the neighbourhood of the same individuals, ocean in the course of his travels, and and the same things ; nor, on the to the idea of a sea voyage he attached other hand, would I hope to find con- that of a total separation from his natentment by endeavouring to recognise tive country. Formerly, in travelling in all nature a fluctuating

universality. through Holland, he had daily met In parting with friends, I think that with objects which awakened associasome regrets of human tenderness are tions connected with home; and he not out of place; but wherever we go, had found that the chain of local affecor whoever may be left behind, the tions which bound him to the place of love of truth need suffer no change, it his birth, extended itself, and acquibeing the same everywhere.” Such red additional links in proportion as he was the general tenor of their conver- moved forwards, and receded from the sation with Vanderbrummer, with spot where it commenced. But, on his whom they remained till a late hour. losing sight of land, its continuity

Next morning, the Student went to seemed to be suddenly broken, for the take leave of the different Professors heaving expanse of ocean around prewhom he knew, and came past the sented no objects that could restore house of the Professor of Mathematics, those ideas to which it had hitherto who had become blind, and was partly owed its existence. superannuated. He was sitting at his The weather was gloomy and boisdoor, smoking in a wheeled chair; and terous, and Vanderbrummer soon beon hearing footsteps, he said, “ Salve came sea-sick. Every thing then apfili, quorsum vadis?" Vanderbrum- peared hateful and distorted, and he mer answered, “In Angliam.” The thought with contempt and aversion Professor, thinking he was going into on the pursuits he had formerly desome of the courts of the college, re- lighted in. All his opinions seemed plied, “ In angulum? Immo in qua- erroneous and unfounded ; and he bedrangulum, vel aream publicam, et gan to despise himself and his fellowforum doctrinæ dixisses. Vander- creatures, as beings who were incapable brummer answered, “ Minus acute of resisting causes of pain, and unable audiveras. Non in angulum, sed in to evade the degrading influence of adBritanniæ partem dicebam.” The ten- ventitious circumstances. Before he dency of Vanderbrummer's opinions landed in England, a fit of sea-sickness was known in the college, and the Pro- had given him a sort of insight into his fessor, who hated them, recognising own mind, which he did not previousthe Student by his voice, said, “Vah! ly possess, and with which he would Brummerium ex voce. Tuarum sen- gladly have dispensed.. tentiarum, fili, haud ignarus sum. Me *However, on shore, a good dinner non sordido auctore, credas, quod Spi- and a comfortable night's rest revived nosismum omnium angulorum im- his spirits, and he spent the ensuing purissimum invenies. Ranas, etiam, day in strolling round the small seain aqua paludum, sese lavantes, Spi- port town where he had disembarked,

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