from the upper regions signifies that an impression has been made; and the mother is encouraged to add, "You'd better be getting down here to your breakfast, young man, before I come up there, an' give you something you'll feel." This so startles the young man that he immediately goes to sleep again. And the operation has to be repeated several times. A father knows nothing about the trouble. He merely opens his mouth as a soda-bottle ejects its cork, and the "John Henry" that cleaves the air of that stairway goes into that boy like electricity, and pierces the deepest recesses of his nature. And he pops out of that bed and into his clothes, and down the stairs, with a promptness that is commendable. It is rarely a boy allows himself to disregard the paternal summons. About once a year is believed to be as often as is consistent with the rules of health. He saves his father a great many steps by his thoughtfulness.

CASEY'S TABLE D'HOTE.

EUGENE FIELD.

Oh, them days on Red Hoss Mountain when the skies wuz fair 'nd blue,

When the money flowed like likker 'nd the folks wuz brave 'nd true!

When the nights wuz crisp and balmy, 'nd the camp wuz all astir

With the joints all throwed wide open 'nd no sheriff to

demur!

Oh, them times on Red Hoss Mountain in the Rockies

fur away

There's no sich place nor times like them as I kin find

to-day!

What though the camp hez busted! I seem to see it

still,

A-lying, like it loved it, on that big 'nd warty hill;

And I feel a sort of yearnin' 'nd a chokin' in my throat When I think of Red Hoss Mountain 'nd of Casey's tabble dote!

This Casey wuz an Irishman-you'd know it by his

name

And by the facial features appertainin' to the same; He'd lived in many places 'nd had done a thousand things,

From the noble art of actin' to the work of dealin'

kings;

But, somehow, had'nt caught on-so, driftin' with the

rest,

He drifted for a fortune to the undeveloped West.
And he come to Red Hoss Mountain when the little

camp wuz new,

When the money flowed like likker, 'nd the folks wuz brave 'nd true;

And, havin' been a stewart on a Mississippi boat,
He opened up a caffy 'nd he run a tabble dote!

The bar wuz long 'nd rangey, with a mirror on the shelf-

'Nd a pistol, so that Casey, when required, could help himself;

Down underneath there wuz a row of bottled beer 'nd wine,

'Nd a kag of Burbon whisky of the run of '59;

Upon the walls wuz pictures of hosses 'nd of girls— Not much on dress, perhaps, but strong on records 'nd on curls!

The which had been identified with Casey in the past— The hosses 'nd the girls, I mean--and both wuz mighty fast!

But all these fine attractions wuz of precious little note By the side of what wuz offered at Casey's tabble dote!

A tabble dote is different from orderin' aller cart;
In one case you git all there is in t'other, only part!
And Casey's tabble dote began in French-as all be

gin

And Casey's ended with the same, which is to say with

"vin";

But in between wuz every kind of reptile, bird 'nd

beast.

The same like you can git in high-toned restauraws down East;

'Nd windin' up wuz cake or pie, with coffee demy tass, Or, sometimes, floating Ireland in a soothin' kind of

sass

That left a sort of pleasant ticklin' in a feller's throat, 'Nd made him hanker after more of Casey's tabble dote!

The very recollection of them puddin's 'nd them pies Brings a yearnin' to my buzzum 'nd the water to my

eyes;

'Nd seems like cookin' nowadays ain't what it used to

be

In camp on Red Hoss Mountain in that year of '63;
But, maybe, it is better, 'nd maybe, I'm to blame-
I'd like to be a-livin' in the mountains jest the same-
I'd like to live that life again when skies wuz fair and

blue,

When things wuz run wide open 'nd men wuz brave 'nd true

When brawny arms the flinty ribs of Red Hoss Mountain smote

For wherewithal to pay the price of Casey's tabble dote!

SOLID CHUNKS OF WISDOM.

ROBERT J. BURDETTE.

My son, it is a comforting doctrine, and one that men often preach to each other, that man deserves all credit for everything good that he does and for all the good that he is, but that somebody else is to blame for

all the evil in him. Mr. Gough has been criticised for saying-and they were his last words, "Young man, make your record clean." The prophets who speak comfortably say that the young man cannot make his record clean, when his father makes a bad record before him, that society and the evil tendencies of it, and something the scientists call his "environment," write the young man's record bad in spite of him. Oh, my dear boy, this is a doctrine too cowardly for a young man to accept. Ever since Adam-the founder of society and the inventor of the first record ever made in this world—a man without an "environment" to his back, made a bad record, and then said: "The woman thou gavest to be with me, she did it all;" men have always pleaded the irresistible force of surroundings and circumstances. The woman was younger than Ādam; she was weaker; many wise men say she is intellectually the inferior of man; she was a new-comer in the garden, and yet how glad your old grandfather was to say that it was all your grandmother's fault, and that, being thus led astray by influences and examples which no man could control or resist, he should not be held responsible for his disobedience. And in her turn your grandmother laid it on to the snake, just as to-day, and in Christian homes all over this land, the evil deeds of men and servants are laid to the cat. But, for all this excuse, Adam was fired out of the garden, and it served him right. Now, my boy, the other man may eat forbidden fruit until he founders, and not a bite that he swallows is going to hurt you. A dose of strychnine big enough to kill a cow won't hurt you-if you don't swallow any of it. When you swear, you do your own swearing; you can't borrow another man's tongue to damn a beggar with. When you get drunk, you get drunk. The law doesn't fine the man who sells the whisky, it fines the man who drinks it. When you steal anything, from a pin to a Broadway road, you do your own stealing, and—in case of the pin, at least the law holds you responsible for it, not the man who coaxed you to steal, nor yet the citizen who by owning valuable property which you could not buy, thereby tempted

you to steal it. You are the fellow who does all the wickedness that is wrought by your hands and your lips. It tires me to hear a man always excusing himself and citing some dreadful, wicked Jeroboam which made him to sin. Not, indeed, that we hold the Jeroboams guiltless. "It must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!" But because the mill-stone and a soft place in the sea is the proper combination for the man who helps you to stumble, you do not go free. I have no right to turn a cross dog into the street, but if I do, he will bite you if you go fooling around him.__Wherefore, cave canem, which, by interpretation is "Don't monkey with the dog." You may have noticed in the sacerdotal garments of your instructor, my son, some queer, unsightly splashes here and there. Well, I put them on myself. Without the assistance or by the fault of any man, I did it. And if there are any more to go on before I have it renovated, I am the only fellow who can put them there. Now you may go and play and have fun, and don't let me ever again hear you say that you would be the best boy in the world if only all the other boys were dead.

JOHN GRUMLIE.

John Grumlie swore by the light o' the moon,
And the green leaves on the tree,
That he could do more work in a day
Than his wife could do in three.

His wife rose up in the morning
Wi' cares and troubles enow;
"John Grumlie, bide at hame, John,
And I'll go haud the plow.

"First ye maun dress your children fair,
And put them a' in their gear,

An' ye maun turn the malt, John,
Or else ye'll spoil the beer;