ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. House of Commons, Monday, May 17.Curious how soon and how completely House forgets old Members, whether small or great. There was a time when it seemed impossible to carry on without Mr. G. He has been gone these two years, and the SPEAKER takes the chair as usual, the Clerk proceeds to read the Orders of the Day, speeches are made, divisions taken, as if Mr. G. had never been. For quite other reasons it seemed impossible to forget CHARLES AUGUSTUS VANSITTART CONYBEARE: "the CURSE OF CAMBORNE," SARK, for brevity, used to call him. His strident voice, his forbidding manner, his habit of opposing everything at interminable length, made such sharp impression upon a long-suffering House that, released from his presence, Members might be expected to have abiding sense of deliverance. But the CURSE OF CAMBORNE withdrawn, the House is absolutely indifferent. Reminded of blessing to-night by hear "Scuse-Cox!" The Member for the Kingston Division. ing a voice, evidently made in Germany, discoursing on Employers' Liability Bill. Who is it? Members ask. It's STRAUSS, who, at the General Election, beat CONYBEARE out of Camborne. "And a very good thing, too," says PRINCE ARTHUR, in high spirits to-night, since SQUIRE OF MALWOOD has come back hale and strong. "Apart from that claim upon the favour of the House, the new Member will be of invaluable service to us. It is something to know that we can always put up STRAUSS when we want to know which way the wind blows." Business done.-Useful, but not precisely alluring, debate around Employers' Liability Bill. Tuesday. -Young Members will do well to study the manner of the Member for the Kingston division of Surrey when putting a question to a Minister. There are various ways of doing this, from FORTESCUE-FLANNERY's portentous mouthing of unimportant syllables to Mr. WEIR'S laconic but impressive "Question 42." SKEWES-COX has an insinuating, self-deprecating manner that is irresistible. As he rubs his hands and sets his head on one side, he seems to say, "Really, I do hope that of your infinite kindness you will be able to 'Scuse-Cox." Of course no one, least of all WHITE RIDLEY, can refuse the request. Accordingly, when to-night Member for Kingston apologetically introduced the topic of gipsies and other vagrom men, dwellers in tents and vans, the HOME SECRETARY made conciliatory reply. There the matter might have ended, and SWIFT MAONEILL now wishes it had. Thought he saw opportunity of scoring off Members opposite. HOME SECRETARY had said, that under existing statutes local au TOUCHING THEM UP FOR THE JUBILEE! Mr. John A-rd and the Statues on the Queen's Route. thorities are enabled to deal with nuisances caused by dwellers in tents and vans. "Do those powers apply to persons in Primrose League Vans?" asked SWIFT MAONEILL; and good Liberals chuckled. "They apply only to persons who become nuisances," answered the HOME SECRETARY, in emphatic voice, with significant nod towards his interlocutor. House the more delighted since WHITE RIDLEY doesn't look the kind of man to say such things. MAONEILL thinks he will leave him alone in future. Business done.-Employers' Liability Bill read second time. Thursday.-Pretty to see the Right Hon. JEREMIAH LOWTHER standing just now between Chancellors of the Exchequer, past and present, Lamenting their perverseness. Motion made to read Budget Bill a second time. This JEREMIAH met with amendment which, apart from politics, is a gem of literary construction. "That in the opinion of this House," so the verse ran, the existing fiscal system of the country is unequal to the continually increasing demands of the public service, and that the time has arrived for recourse to be had to more varied sources of taxation." THE JUBILEE PREPARATIONS. Unsophisticated Colonial Visitor. "WHAT BUILDING IS THAT, DRIVER?" U. C. V. "INDEED! THEN ARE THEY TAKING IT DOWN TO BUILD SEATS FOR THE JUBILEE PROCESSION?" shilling duty on foreign corn. Business done. Education Bill read third time; Budget Bill second time. Flowing tide evidently with Ministers. Observe the fine antique flavour of that | to convince them of the equity of a five last sentence. It is Mr. Micawber in his severer, more classic mood. What JEREMIAH meant, as he plainly set forth in a chapter of Lamentations which occupied just an hour in the reading, is that a five shilling duty shall be clapped on corn. Some people would have said so. JERE MIAH, looking round congregation with a face whose supernal gravity is threatened by a smile lurking in the corners of the humourous mouth, lifts up his voice and cries aloud, "The time has arrived for recourse being had to more varied sources of taxation." Very few Members present. Even the Budget Bill debate, opened by our own JEREMIAH, is not a prospect that will draw Members. But ST. MICHAEL was there, in the absence of All Angels sitting alone on the Treasury Bench as on a cloud. Opposite him, in full view of JEREMIAH, was the SQUIRE OF MALWOOD, softly smiling at the heresies proclaimed. JEREMIAH did not lament the absence of a thronged audience since these two were within hearing. If only he could overcome what he called their prejudices, all would be well with his beloved country. The last years of a long reign would spring into birth glowing in the dawn of unexampled prosperity. So JEREMIAH, with one eye on the SQUIRE OF MALWOOD, and the other on the saintly MICHAEL, improved the occasion, heedless of the knowing smiles the eminent financiers flashed at each other across the table. Some question arisen as to what subject shall serve for fresco in one of the vacant corners of the outer lobby. Surely here it is to hand JEMMY LOWTHER standing between HICKS BEACH and HARCOURT, trying Friday.-JOHN AIRD, whose large heart and generous mind care for the meanest creatures among us, has turned his thoughts upon the lot of the statues on the line of the Jubilee Procession. Whilst London is gay with bunting, streets and houses filled with crowd dressed all in their best, the statues remain in all their forbidding grime. Why not give them all a wash and brush up, even if it costs more than the statutory twopence ? Has brought the matter under notice of FIRST COMMISSIONER OF WORKS. Few men can resist JOHN AIRD's genial manner. Tonight AKERS-DOUGLAS announces that the thing shall be done. JOHN beaming with delight. "I don't mind telling you, TOBY," he whispered in my ear, that if DOUGLAS had, as some more hide-bound First Commissioners would have done, refused to listen to the suggestion, I meant to take off my coat and carry it out myself. Been used to hard work all my life, though you wouldn't think it to look at me. What with an hour or two in the early morning, and taking advantage of moonlight nights, I would have made the statues look so that they wouldn't know each other. But, of course, it's better for the Board of Works to turn on a lot of men. Get the washing done more thoroughly." "And when you've washed and nicely AIRD them, I wish," said SARK, you would consider the desirability of mangling a few." 66 "I think not," says JOHN, almost severely for him. (He doesn't like SARK; thinks he makes fun of people.) Best to do one thing at a time, and do it thoroughly." Business done. - PRINCE ARTHUR, in speech of rare excellence, announces scheme of Local Government for Ireland, gilded by equivalent grant in relief of rates. "If PRINCE ARTHUR wants a motto for his new Bill," said TIM HEALY, who is as well up in the poets as he is in Parliamentary practice, "he 'll find in WORDS WORTH: With what nice care equivalents are given, THE ONE HUNDRED. (Nor the Light Brigade.) [Lord SALISBURY had some very severe things to say of the action of the 100 M.P.'s who telegraphed to the King of GREECE.] IN a league, in a league, Thump the old Turk!" they said; Wrote the One Hundred! "Forward the Greek Brigade! - Scolded and thundered: Wrote the One Hundred! From all sense sundered. Chivied and thunder'd; Obliging Landlady (to Major and Mrs. Totterly Syms, who have delayed taking rooms till their arrival in Town for the Diamond Jubilee). "YES, 'M, YOU AND THE GENTLEMAN CAN 'AVE A COUPLE OF PILLOWS AND A RUG IN THE BASEMENT-'ALL, FOR TWO GUINEAS. THE PARTY AS YOU MET ON THE STEPS 'AS TAKEN THE FOLDING CHAIRS IN THE CONSERVATORY, OR YOU MIGHT 'AVE 'AD THEM." A COMPENSATION BALANCE. of advertisers. He will not, therefore, be surprised to hear of grand stands being erected all over the country, whence Britons [In Committee on the Workmen's Compensation Bill, Mr. CHAMBERLAIN opposed Mr. TENNANT's "Instruction," which would have given the Com-can face their Mecca, and view with the eye of faith the ceremittee power to provide for the case of persons injured in their health through noxious trades.] INSTRUCTIVE, very, is the line Our JOE -Took upon Mr. TENNANT's new Instruction. It was "too wide." Well, JOSEPH's "wide," we know! He who the Liberal flag once wildly waved, Now valiantly uplifts the Tory pennant: He who the Landlord once so boldly braved, Now boldly braves the-TENNANT! WILL THEY GET IT? OUR advertisers, in the Times and other newspapers, are certainly leaving no stone unturned in view of The event. Thus one Lady, "moving in the best Society, and member of several London clubs, would be willing to CHAPERONE one or more YOUNG LADIES in London from June 19th to 24th inclusive, in exchange for board and lodging for that period, also seat near St. Paul's Cathedral, wherefrom to view procession. Address EADYTH BEAUTY C.," &c. A gentleman offers a fine old manor house, within an hour of London, at a lordly rent, for the Jubilee week; and so on. Will a double-million-magnifying telescope be provided in the latter case, capable of seeing through ten miles of brick walls, and the bodies of loyal cockneys forty deep? And is EADYTH BEAUTY C. going to have the seat to herself in the centre of all things, leaving the one or more young ladies at home or severally in the London Clubs? Anyhow, such pushing and enterprising loyalty can scarcely fail to " get there," as the Americans say. Mr. Punch can hardly improve on the ingenuity of this class mony going on at St. Paul's. And EADYTH BEAUTY C. (who could Russian Bear (so disinterested). "AHEM! ALLOW ME TO SETTLE THIS LITTLE MATTER.' ["M. de NELIDOFF made the remarkable alternative proposal that Russia should take over the contemplated Greek War Indemnity, and that the Porte should write off an equivalent sum from the amount of the debt which it still owes to Russia."-Times' Berlin Correspondent, May 25.] Facetious Coster (to Jenkins, whose hireling has bolted). "THAT'S THE TICKET, GUV'NOR-KEEP HIM GOING-AND YOU'LL BE IN TIME FOR THE FIRST RACE!" OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. ANOTHER JUBILEE SUGGESTION. article, or suggested article, I have received no remuneration MR. JUSTIN MCCARTHY has at length completed his History SIR,-Twenty-seven years and eleven months ago I sent a joke of Our Own Times, CHATTO AND WINDUS issuing the last volume, to your paper. It did not then appear, but in January, 1882, which carries on the wondrous tale from 1880 up to this year of there was a joke something like it. The joke was not a very Jubilee. Mr. MCCARTHY is his own and only rival. Remember-long one, for it only occupied the space of three lines. For this ing the fascination of his earlier volumes, my Baronite came to a study of this conclusion of the matter with some apprehension. He finds that the historian has kept his very best wine till the last. Obviously, in dealing with the last seventeen years Mr. MCCARTHY has the advantage of intimate personal knowledge. He writes history, pages of which the Party he led in the House of Commons helped to make. That in some men would be a fatal condition. Mr. MCCARTHY has a judicial mind, which enables him to withdraw from the inner circle where he has played no mean part, and regard actions, motives, and consequences with impartial eye. The volume is marked by those fine literary qualities, that rare power of condensation without loss of colour, that established the enduring fame of the earlier volumes. Some of the characterisations of public men are marvels of accuracy, models of style. Of Sir ROUNDELL PALMER, first Lord SELBORNE, Mr. MCCARTHY writes: "He was a theological politician, the theologian perhaps predominating over the politician." Of the Duke of ARGYLL:"He had a little too much of the essayist and the small philosopher in him to be a stalwart political figure." These two gems are extracted, not because they are the brightest, but because of their compactness. Many others sparkle through the volume, which carries the reader almost breathless through history which seems strangely old, though its starting point is the opening of the first Session of the Parliament of 1880. The book is not illustrated. Otherwise photographs of the Treasury Bench in the House of Commons in May, 1880, and in May, 1897, would shew in a flash how much has happened in the interval. THE BARON DE B.-W. BRAVO SIR HENRY!-Presiding, on last Thursday night, at the annual festival of the Royal Society of Musicians, Sir HENRY IRVING suggested that amateur flute-players constituted so large a portion of general society that they could, among themselves, so" raise the wind" as to considerably benefit the funds of this Society. AT KIRALFY'S VICTORIAN ERA SHOW.-According to a Daily Mail Special interviewing the Daily Female special waitresses at Earl's Court Exhibition, these young ladies have a grievance. They don't like their old English costumes. "I've been a waitress for two years," said his fair informant, "but I never had to look a guy like this before." She ought to have brought her sorrows before H.R.H. the Prince of WALES when he visited "Guy's " last week and opened the "Queen Victoria" ward. Our Own Exhibition District Visitor (nothing less than a Duke in disguise to visit the Court of the Earl), after close personal inspection, describes the costume of the handy maidens the "ladies in waiting". most becoming. They are all of them "studies in Black and White," and he wishes to draw the attention of artists to these models of neat-handed Phyllises. Also our E. D. V. reports that not only the musical and dramatic part of the show is well worth a visit, but that all the departments, when quite finished, and in thorough working order (which by the time this appears they probably will be, and then he shall look in again), will equal, if not surpass, any previous exhibition in this quarter. "-as DOUBTFUL.-On June 24 the Deserving and Undeserving Poor are to have good dinners. But will they get their desserts ? |