cannot buy nor (I think) fell; fo that I am at fea again, for almost all I am worth. But I have ftill a worfe evil; for the giddinefs I was fubject to, inftead of coming feldom and violent, now constantly attends me more or less, tho' in a more peaceable manner, yet fuch as will not qualify me to live among the young and healthy: and the Duchefs, in all her youth, fpirit, and grandeur, will make a very ill nurfe, and her women not much better. Valetudinarians must live where they can command, and fcold; I must have horfes to ride, I must go to bed and rife when I pleafe, and live where all mortals are fubfervient to me. I must talk nonfenfe when I please, and all who are prefent must commend it. I must ride thrice a week, and walk three or four miles befides, every day.

I always told you Mr.

thing but to be a rank Courtier.

was good for no

I care not wheHe and you may

ther he ever writes to me or no. tell this to the Duchefs, and I hate to fee you fo charitable, and fuch a Cully; and yet I love you for it, because I am one myself.

You are the fillieft lover in Chriftendom: If you like Mrs.why do you not command her to take you? if the does not, fhe is not worth purfuing; you do her too much honour; fhe bath neither fenfe nor taste, if she dares to refuse you, though she had ten thousand pounds. I do not remember to have told you of thanks that you have not given, nor do I understand your meaning and I am fure I VOL. X.

M

had never the least thoughts of any myself. If I am your friend, it is for my own reputation, and from a principle of felf-love, and I do fometimes reproach you for not honouring me by letting the world know we are friends.

I fee very well how matters go with the Duchess in regard to me. I heard her fay, Mr. Gay fill your letter to the Dean, that there may be no room for me, the frolic is gone far enough, I have writ thrice, I will do no more; if the man has a mind to come, let him come; what a clutter is here ? pofitively [ will not write a fyllable more. She is an ungrateful Duchefs confidering how many adorers I have procured her here, over and above the thousands fhe had before--I cannot allow you rich enough till you are worth 7000l. which will bring you 300 per Annum, and this will maintain you, with the perquifite of fpunging while you are young, and when you are old will afford you a pint of port at night, two servants, and an old maid, a little garden, and pen and ink-provided you live in the country-Have you no scheme either in verfe or profe? The Duchefs fhould keep you at hard meat, and by that means force you to write; and fo I have done with you.

Madam,

Since I began to grow old, I have found all ladies become inconftant, without any reproach from their confcience. If I wait on you, I declare that one

of your women (which ever it is that has defigns upon a Chaplain) must be my nurse, if I happen to be fick or peevish at your houfe, and in that cafe you must fufpend your domineering-Claim till I recover. Your omitting the ufual appendix to Mr. Gay's letters hath done me infinite mischief here; for while you continued them, you would wonder how civil the Ladies here were to me, and how much they have altered fince. I dare not confefs that I have defcended fo low as to write to your Grace, after the abominable neglect you have been guilty of; for if they but fufpected it, I fhould lofe them all. One of them, who had an inklin of the matter (your Grace will hardly believe it) refused to beg my pardon upon her knees, for once neglecting to make my rice milk-Pray, confider this, and do your duty, or dread the confequence. I promife you shall have your will fix minutes every hour at Aimsbury, and feven in London, while I am in health but if I happen to be fick, I must govern to a fecond. Yet properly fpeaking, there is no man alive with fo much truth and refpect your Grace's most obedient and devoted fevant.

You

LETTER LIV..

Aug. 28, 1731.

U and the Duchefs ufe me very ill, for, I. profefs, I cannot diftinguish the style or the hand-writing of either. I think her Grace writes

more like you than herself, and that you write more like her Grace than yourfelf. I would fwear the beginning of your letter writ by the Duchefs, though it is to pass for yours; because there is a curfed lie in it, that she is neither young nor healthy, and befides it perfectly resembles the part fhe owns. I will likewife fwear, that what I muft fuppofe is written by the Duchefs, is your hand; and thus. I am puzzled and perplexed between you, but I will go on in the innocency of my own heart. I am got eight miles from our famous metropolis, to a country Parfon's, to whom I lately gave a City-living, fuch as an English Chaplain would leap at. I retired hither for the public good, having two great works in hand: One to reduce the whole politenefs, wit, humour, and ftyle of England into a fhort fyftem, for the ufe of all perfons of quality, and particularly the maids of honour*. The other is of almoft equal importance; I may call it the whole duty of fervants, in about twenty feveral ftations, from the fteward and waiting woman down to the feullion and pantry boy +-I believe no mortal had ever fuch fair Invitations, as to be happy in the best company of England. I wish I had liberty to print your letter with my own comments upon it. There was a fellow in Ireland, who from a fhoe-boy grew to

*Wagstaff's Dialogues of polite Conversation, published in his

life time.

† An imperfect thing of this kind, called Directions to fervants in generals has been published fince his death,

your

be several times one of the chief governors, wholly illiterate, and with hardly common fenfe: A Lord Lieutenant told the first King George, that he was the greatest fubject he had in both kingdoms; and truly this character was gotten and preserved by his never appearing in England, which was the only wife thing he ever did, except purchafing fixteen thou fand pounds a year-Why, you need not stare: it is easily apply'd: I must be absent, in order to preferve my credit with her Grace-Lo here comes in the Duchefs again (I know her by her d d's; but am a fool for discovering my Art) to defend herself against my conjecture of what the faid-Madam, I will imitate Grace and write to you upon the fame line. I own it is a base un-romantic spirit in me, to fufpend the honour of waiting at your Grace's feet, till I can finish a paltry law-fuit. It concerns indeed almoft my whole fortune; it is equal to half Mr. Pope's, and two thirds of Mr. Gay's, and about fix weeks rent of your Grace's. This curfed accident hath drill'd away the whole fummer. But, Madam, understand one thing, that I take all your ironical civilities in a literal fenfe, and whenever I have the honour to attend you, fhall expect them to be literally perform'd: though perhaps I fhall find it hard to prove your hand-writing in a Court of juftice; but that will not be much for your credit. How miferably hath your Grace been mistaken in thinking to avoid Envy by running into exile, where it haunts you more than ever it did even at Court?