Sir 0. As for that prodigal, his brother, there

Charles S. Ay, now comes my turu : the damned family pictures will ruin me.

[ Aside. Joseph S. Sir Oliver-uncle, will you honour me with a hearing ?

Charles S. Now if Joseph would make one of his long speeches, I might recollect myself a little. [ Aside.

Sir 0. I suppose you would undertake to justify yourself?

[ To Joseph. Joseph S. I trust I could.

Sir 0. Nay, if you desert your roguery in its distress, and try to be justified—you have even less principle than thought you had. [To Charles.] Well, sir! yoit could justify yourself too, I suppose ?

Churles S. Not that I know of, Sir Oliver.

Sir 0. What!- Little Premium has been let too much into the secret, I suppose ?

Charles S. True, sir; but they were family secrets, and should not be mentioned again, you know.

Row. Come, Sir Oliver, I know you cannot speak of Charles's follies with anger.'

Sir 0. Odd's heart, no more I can ; nor with gravity either. Sir Peter, do you know, the rogue bargained with we for all his ancestors ; sold me judges and geverals by the foot, and maiden aunts as cheap as broken china.

Charles S. To be sure, Sir Oliver, I did make a little free with the family canvass, that's the truth on't. My ancestors may certainly rise up in judgment against me; there's no denying it; but believe me siucere when I tell you—and upon my soul I would not say so if I was not —that if I do not appear mortified at the exposure of my follies, it is because I feel at this moment the warmest satisfaction in seeing you, my liberal benefactor.

Sir 0. Charles, I believe you ; give me your hand again : the ill-looking little fellow over the settee has made your peace.

Charles S. Then, sir, my gratitude to the original is still increased.

Lady T. (Advancing, C., Maria on her left hand. ] Yet, I believe, Sir Oliver, here is one whom Charles is still more anxious to be reconciled to.

Sir 0. Oh, 1 have heard of his attachment there ; and, with the young lady's pardon, if I construe right-that blush

Sir P. Well, child, speak your sentiments !

Maria. Sir, I have little to say, but that I shall rejoice to hear that he is happy; for me whatever claim I had to his attention, I willingly resign to one who has a better title.

Charles S. How, Maria !

Sir P. Hey day! what's the mystery now ?--While he appeared an incorrigible rake, yon would give your hand to no one else ; and now that he is likely to reform, I'll warrant you won't have hiin.

Maria. His own heart and Lady Sneerwell know the


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Charles S. Lady Snecrwell !

Joseph S. (R.) Brother, it is with great concern I am obliged to speak on this point, but my regard to justice compels me, and Lady Sneerwell's injuries cau no longer be concealed.

[Opens the door, R. Enter LADY SNEERWELL, R. Sir P. So ! another Freuch milliner! Egad, he has one in every room iu the house, I suppose.

Ludy S, Ungrateful Charles ! Well may you be surprised, and feel for the indelicate situation your perfidy has forced me into

Charles S. Pray, uncle, is this another plot of yours ? For, as I have life, I don't understand it.

Joseph S. I believe, sir, there is but the evidence of one person more necessary to make it extremely clear.

Sir P. And that person, I imagine, is Mr. Snake. Rowley, you were perfectly right to bring him with us, and pray let him appear. Row. Walk in, Mr. Snake.

Enter Snake, L. I thought his testimony might be wanted : however, it happens unluckily, that he comes to confront Lady Sueerwell, not to support her.

Lady S. (R.) A villain! Treacherous to me at last!Speak, fellow; have you, too, conspired against me ?

Snake. (L.) 'I beg your ladyship ten thousand pardons : you paid me extremely liberally for the lie in question ; but I, uufortunately, have been offered double to speak the truth

Șir P. Plot and counter-plot! I wish your ladyship joy* of your negociation.

Lady S. [Crosses, L.) The torments of shame and disappointment on you all!


Lady T. Hold, Lady Sneerwell: before you go, let me thank you for the trouble you and that gentleman have taken, in writing letters from me to Charles, and answering them yourself; and let me also request you to make my respects to the scandalous college, of which you are president, and inform them, that Lady Teazle, licentiate, begs leave to return the diploma they granted her, as she leaves off practice, and kills characters no longer.

Lady S. You, too, madam-provoking-insolent.—May your husband live these fifty years !

[Exit, L. Sir P. Oons ! what a fury! Lady T. A malicious creature, indced !

Sir P. (On Lady Teazle's right hand.] What ! Not for her last wish ?

Lady T. O no!
Sir O. Well, sir, and what have you to say now?

Joseph S. Sir, I am so confounded, to find that Lady Sneerwell could be guilty of suborning Mr. Snake in this manner, to impose on us all, that I know not what to say: however, lest her revengeful spirit should prompt her to injure my brother, I had certainly better follow her directly. For the man who attempts to- [Crosses and exit, Lo

Sir P. Moral to the last !

Sir 0. Ay, and marry her,-Joseph, if you can. Egad ! you'll do very well together.

Row. I believe we have no more occasion for Mr. Snake, at present.

Snake. (L.) Before I go, I beg pardon once for all, for whatever uneasiness I have been the humble instrument of causing to the parties present,

Sir P. Well, well, you have made atonement by a good deed at last.

Snake. But I must request of the company, that it shall never be known.

Sir P. Hey-What the plague ! Are you ashamed of having done a right thing ouce in your life?

Snake. Ah, sir, consider,-I live by the badness of my character; and if it were once known that I had been betrayed into an honest action, I should lose every friend I have in the world.

[Exit, L. Sir O. Well, well; we'll not traduce you by saying any thing in your praise, never fear.

- Lady T. See, Sir Oliver, there needs no persuasion now to reconcilc your nephew and Maria.


Sir 0. Ay, ay, that's as it should be ; and, egad, we'll have the wedding to-morrow morning.

Charles S. Thank you, dear uncle !

Sir P. What, you rogue ! dou't you ask the girl's consent first!

Charles S. Oh, I have done that a long time a minute ago—and she has looked yes.

Mariu. For shame, Charles !-I protest, Sir Peter, there has not been a word.

Sir O. Well, then, the fewer the better ;-may your love for each other never kuow abatement !

Sir P. And may you live as happily together as Lady Teazle and I intend to do !

Churles S. Rowley, iny old friend, I am sure you congratulate me, and I suspect that I owe you much.

Sir P. Ay, honest Rowley always said you would reform.

Charles S. Why as to reforming, Sir Peter, I'll make, no promises, and that I take to be a proof that I intend to set about it; but here shall be my monitor-my gentle guide-Ah! can I leave the virtuous path those eyes illumine? Though thou, dear maid, should'st wave thy beauty's sway,

Thou still must rule, because I will obey :
An humble fugitive from Folly view,
No sanctuary near but Love and you ; [To the audience.
You can, indeed, each anxious fear remore,
For even Scandal dies, if you approve.




SIR O., Sir P., Lady T., CHARLES, MARIA, -Rowley. R.]




spoken by Lady Teazle.

I, who was late so volatile and gay,
Like a trade wind must now blow all one way
Bend all my cares, my studies, and my vows,
To one dull rusty weathercock—my spouse !
So wilis our virtuous bard--the motley Bayes
Of erying epilogues and laughing plays !
Old bachelors, who marry smart young wives,
Learn from our play to regulate your lives :
Each bring his dear to town, all faults upou her-
London will prove the very source of honour.
Plunged fairly in, like a cold bath it serves,
When principles relax, to brace the nerves :
Such is my case; and yet I must deplore-
That the gay dream of dissipation's o'er.
And say, ye fair ! was ever lively wife,
Born with a genius for the highest life,
Like me, untimely blasted in her bloom ?
Like me, condemn'd to such a dismal doom ?
Save money-when I just knew how to waste it!
Leave London-just as I began to taste it!

Must I, then, watch the early crowing cock,
The melancholy ticking of a clock ;
In a lone rustic hall for ever pounded,
With dogs, cats, rats, and squalling brats surrounded ? ;
With humble curate can I now retire,
(While good Sir Peter boozcs with the squire,)
Ànd at backgammon mortify my soul,
That pants for loo, or flutters at a vole ?
Seven 's the main ! Dear sound, that must expire,
Lost at hot cockles round a Christmas fire!
The transient hour of fashion too soon spent,
Farewell the tranquil mind, farewell content !
Farewell the plumed head, the cushion'd tête,
That takes the cushion from its proper seat !
That spirit-stirring drum! -card-dru**- ? mean ;
Spadille-odd trick-pam-basto-king and queeu !

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