Joseph S. Why did you not let me know this when you came in together? Row. I thought you had particular business ;-but I must be gone to inform your brother, and appoint him here to meet your uncle. He will be with you in a quarter of an hour. Joseph S. So he says. Well, I am strangely overjoyed at his coming. -----Nerer, to be sure, was any thing so damned unlucky. [Aside. -Just at Row. You will be delighted to see how well he looks. Joseph S. Oh! I am overjoyed to hear itthis time! Row. I'll tell him how impatiently you expect him. [ Aside. [Exit, L. Joseph S. Do, do; pray give my best duty and affection. Indeed, I cannot express the sensations I feel at the thought of seeing him-Certainly his coming just at this time is the cruellest piece of ill-fortune ! [Eait, n SCENE II-Sir Peter Teazle's. Enter MAID and Mrs. CANDOUR. Maid. (R.) Indeed, maʼam, my lady will see nobody at present. Mrs. C. (L) Did you tell her it was her friend, Mrs. Candour? Maid. Yes ma'am ; but she begs you will excuse her. Mrs. C. Do go again,-I shall be glad to see her, if it be only for a moment, for I am sure she must be in great distress. [Exit Maid R.] Dear heart, how provoking! I'm not mistress of half the circumstances! We shall have the whole affair in the newspapers, with the names of the parties at length, before I have dropped the story at a dozen houses. Enter SIR BENJAMIN BACKBITE, L. Oh, dear Sir Benjamin! you have heard, I suppose- Sir. B. O! the strangest piece of business, to be sure! Mrs. C. Well, I never was so surprised in my life. am so sorry for all parties, indeed. Sir B. Now I don't pity Sir Peter at all: he was so extravagantly partial to Mr. Surface. Mrs. C. Mr. Surface! Why, 'twas with Charles, Laav Teazle was detected. G Sir B. No such thing, I tell you-Mr. Surface is the gallant. Mrs. C. No, no, Charles is the man. "Twas Mr. Sur face brought Sir Peter on purpose to discover them. Sir B. I tell you I had it from one Mrs. C. And I have it from one Sir B. Who had it from one, who had it Mrs. C. From one immediately-but here comes Lady Sneerwell; perhaps she knows the whole affair. [Crosses, c. Enter LADY SNEERWELL, L. Lady S. So, my dear Mrs. Candour, here's a sad affair of our friend Teazle. Mrs. C. (c.) Ay, my dear friend, who would have thought Lady S. (1.) Well, there is no trusting appearances; though, indeed, she was always too lively for me. Mrs. C. To be sure, her manners were a little too free; but then she was so young! Lady S. And had, indeed, some good qualities. Mrs. C. So she had, indeed. But have you heard the particulars ? Lady S. No; but every body says that Mr. SurfaceSir B. (R.) Áy, there; I told you Mr. Surface was the nian. Mrs. C. No, no: indeed the assignation was with Charles. Lady S. With Charles! You alarm me, Mrs. Candour! Mrs. C. Yes, yes, he was the lover. Mr. Surface, to de him justice, was only the informer. Sir B. Well, I'll not dispute with you, Mrs. Candour; but, be it which it may, I hope that Sir Peter's wound will not Mrs. C. Sir Peter's wound! O, mercy! I didn't hear a word of their fighting. Lady S. Nor I, a syllable. Sir B. No! what, no mention of the duel? [Crosses, c. Mrs. C. (R.) Not a word. Sir B. (c.) O, yes: they fought before they left the room. Lady S. (L.) Pray, let us hear. Mrs. C. Ay, do oblige us with the duel. Sir B. "Sir," says Sir Peter, immediately after the discovery, "you are a most ungrateful fellow." Mrs. C. Ay, to Charles Sir B. No, no-to Mr. Surface-"a most ungrateful fellow; and old as I am, sir," says he, "I insist on immediate satisfaction." Mrs. C. Ay, that must have been to Charles; for 'tis very unlikely Mr. Surface should fight in his own house. Sir B. Gad's life, ma'am, not at all-"Giving me immediate satisfaction." On this, ma'am, Lady Teazle, seeing Sir Peter in such danger, ran out of the room in strong hysterics, and Charles after her, calling out for hartshoru and water; then, madam, they began to fight with swordsEnter CRABTREE, L.; crosses L. C. Crab. With pistols, nephew-pistols: I have it from undoubted authority. Mrs. C. [Crosses to Crabtref.] O, Mr. Crabtree, then it is all true! Crab. (L. c.) Too true, indeed, madam, and Sir Peter is dangerously wounded Sir B. (R.) By a thrust in segoon quite through his left side Crab. By a bullet lodged in the thorax. Mrs. C. Mercy on me! Poor Sir Peter! Crab. Yes, madam; though Charles would have avoided the matter, if he could. Mrs. C. I told you who it was; I knew Charles was the person. Sir B. My uncle, I see, knows nothing of the matter. Crab. But Sir Peter taxed him with the basest ingratitude. Sir B. That I told you, you know Crab. Do, nephew, let me speak!and insisted on immediate Sir B. Satisfaction! Just as I said Crab. Odds life, nephew, allow others to know something too. A pair of pistols lay on the bureau, (for Mr. Surface, it seems, had come home the night before late from Salthill, where he had been to see the Montem with a friend, who has a son at Eton), so, unluckily, the pistols were left charged. Sir B. I heard nothing of this. Crab. Sir Peter forced Charles to take one; and they fired, it seems, pretty nearly together. Charles's shot took effect, as I tell you, and Sir Peter's missed; but, what is very extraordinary, the ball struck against a little bronze Shakspeare that stood over the fire-place, grazed out of the window at a right angle, and wounded the postman, who was just coming to the door with a double letter from Northamptonshire. Sir B. My uncle's account is more circumstantial, I confess; but I believe mine is the only true one, for all that. Lady S. I am more interested in this affair than they imagine, and must have better information. [Aside.]— [Exit Lady Sneerwell, L Sir B. Ah! Lady Sneerwell's alarm is very easily accounted for. Crab. Yes, yes, they certainly do say-but that's neither here nor there. Mrs. C. But, pray, where is Sir Peter at present? Crab. Oh! they brought him home, and he is now in the house, though the servants are ordered to deny him. Mrs. C. I believe so, and Lady Teazle, I suppose, attending him. Crab. Yes, yes; and I saw one of the faculty enter just before me. Sir B. Hey! who comes here ? Crab. O, this is he: the physician, depend on't. Mrs. C. O, certainly: it must be the physician; and now we shall know. Enter SIR OLIVER SURFACE, L. Crab. (R. C.) Well, doctor, what hopes ? Sir B. Now, doctor, isn't it a wound with a smallsword? [Coming down on Sir Oliver, L. Crab. A bullet lodged in the thorax, for a hundred. Sir O. Doctor! a wound with a small sword! and a bullet in the thorax! Oons! are you mad, good people? Sir B. (L.) Perhaps, sir, you are not a doctor? Sir O. Truly I am to thank you for my degree if I am. Crab. Only a friend of Sir Peter's, then I presume. But, sir, you must have heard of his accident? Sir O. Not a word! Crab. Not of his being dangerously wounded? Sir O. The devil he is! Sir B. Ruu through the body Crab. Shot in the breast Sir B. By one Mr. Surface Crab. Ay, the younger. Sir O. Hey! what the plague! you seem to differ strangely in your accounts: however, you agree that Sir Peter is dangerously wounded. Sir B. O, yes, we agree in that. [Crosses behind to a. Crab. Yes, yes, I believe there can be no doubt of that. Sir O. Then, upon my word, for a person in that situation, he is the most imprudent.man alive; for here he comes walking, as if nothing at all was the matter. Enter SIR PETER TEAZLE, L. Odd's heart, Sir Peter, you are come in good time, I promise you; for we had just given you over. Sir B. (R.) Egad, uncle, this is the most sudden recovery! Sir O. (L. C.) Why, man, what do you out of bed with a small sword through your body, and a bullet lodged in your thorax ? Sir P. (L.) A small sword, and a bullet! Sir O. Ay, these gentlemen would have killed you without law or physic, and wanted to dub me a doctor, to make me an accomplice. Sir P. Why, what is all this? [Crosses to Sir B. Sir B. We rejoice, Sir Peter, that the story of the duel is not true, and are sincerely sorry for your other misfortune. blame to marry at your years. [Goes up a little. Sir P. So, so; all over the town already. {Aside. Crab. Though, Sir Peter, you were certainly vastly to [Retires a little up.. Sir P. (R. c.) Sir, what business is that of yours? Mrs. C. (R.) Though, indeed, as Sir Peter made so good a husband, he's very much to be pitied. Sir P. Plague on your pity, ma'am! I desire none of it [Mrs. Crabtree crosses L. Sir B. Advances on his L. H.] However, Sir Peter, you must not mind the laughing and jests you will meet with on the occasion. Sir P. Sir, sir, I desire to be master in my own house. Crab. "Tis no uncommon case, that's one comfort. Sir P. I insist on being left to myself: without ceremony -I insist on your leaving my house directly. Mrs. C. Well, well, we are going, and depend on't we'll make the best report of it we can. Sir P. Leave my house! Crab. And tell how hardly you've been treated- Sir P. Leave my house! Sir B. And how patiently you bear it. [Exeunt Mrs. Candour, Sir Benjamin, and Crabtree, L.. Sir P. Leave my house!--Fiends! vipers! furies! Oh! that their own venom would choke them! [Crosses, L. Sir O. They are very provoking, indeed, Sir Peter. |