to have your opinion on.-By one, she will enjoy eight hundred a year independent while I live; and, by the other, the bulk of my fortune after my death. Joseph S. This conduct, Sir Peter, is indeed truly generons.- -I wish it may not corrupt my pupil. [Aside. Sir P. Yes, I am determined she shall have no cause to complain, though I would not have her acquainted with the latter instance of my affection yet awhile. Joseph S. Nor I, if I could help it. [Aside. Sir P. And now, my dear friend, if you please, we will talk over the situation of your hopes with Maria. Joseph S. Softly.]-O, no, Sir Peter; another time, if you please. Sir P. I am sensibly chagrined at the little progress you seem to make in her affections. Joseph S. I beg you will not mention it, sir. What are my disappointments when your happiness is in debate! [Softly.]-'Sdeath! I shall be ruined every way. [Aside. Sir P. And though you are so averse to my acquainting Lady Teazle with your passion, I'm sure she's not your enemy in the affair. Joseph S. Pray, Sir Peter, now, oblige me. I am really too much affected by the subject we have been speaking of, to bestow a thought on my own concerns. The man who is entrusted with his friend's distresses can never→→→→ Well, sir? Enter SERVANT, L. Serv. Your brother, sir, is speaking to a gentleman in the street, and says he knows you are within. Joseph S. [Rises.] 'Sdeath, blockhead, I'm not withinI'm out for the day. Sir P. [Rises.] Stay-hold-a thought has struck me : -you shall be at home. Joseph S. [Crosses to Servant.] Well, well, let him up. [Exit Servant, L. He'll interrupt Sir Peter, however. [Aside. Sir P. (R.) Now, my good friend, oblige me, I eutreat you. Before Charles comes, let me conceal myself somewhere-then do you tax him on the point we have been talking, and his answer may satisfy me at once. Joseph S. O fie, Sir Peter! would you have me join in so mean a trick?-To trepan my brother, too? Sir P. Nay, you tell me you are sure he is innocent; if so, you do him the greatest service by giving him an op ཙྭ portunity to clear himself, and you will set my heart at rest. Come, you shall not refuse me: [Going up] here, behind this screen will be-Hey! what the devil! there seems to be one listener here already-I'll swear I saw a petticoat. Joseph S. Ha! ha! ha! Well this is ridiculous enough. I'll tell you, Sir Peter, though I hold a man of intrigue to be a most despicable character, yet, you know, it does not follow that one is to be an absolute Joseph either! Hark'ee, 'tis a little French milliner-a silly rogue that plagues me, and having some character to lose, on your coming, sir, she ran behind the screen. Sir P. Ah! Joseph! Joseph! Did I ever think that you -But, egad, she has overheard all I have been saying of my wife. Joseph S. O, 'twill never go any farther, you may depend upon it. Sir P. No! then, faith, let her hear it out-Here's a closet will do as well. Joseph S. Well, go in there. Sir P. Sly rogue! sly rogue! [Going into the closet, R. Joseph S. A narrow escape, indeed! and a curious situation I'm in, to part man and wife in this manner Lady T. [Peeping.]—Could'nt I steal off? Joseph S. Keep close, my angel! Sir P. [Peeping out, R.]-Joseph, tax him home. Lady T. Couldn't you lock Sir Peter in? Joseph S. Be still, my life! Sir P. [Peeping.]-You're sure the little milliner won't blab? Joseph S. In, in, my dear Sir Peter-'Fore gad, I wish I had a key to the door. Enter CHARLES SURFACE, L. Charles S. Holla! brother, what has been the matter? Your fellow would not let me up at first. What! have you had a Jew or a wench with you? Joseph S. (R.) Neither, brother, I assure you. Charles S. (L.) But what has made Sir Peter steal off? I thought he had been with you. Joseph S. He was, brother; but hearing you were coming, he did not choose to stay. Charles S. What! was the old gentleman afraid 1 warted to borrow money of him? Joseph S. No, sir: but I am sorry to find, Charles, that you have lately given that worthy man grounds for great uneasiness. Charles S. Yes, they tell me I do that to a great many worthy men-But how so, pray? Joseph S. To be plain with you brother-he thinks you are endeavouring to gain Lady Teazle's affections from him. Charles S. Who, I? O Lud! not I, upon my word.Ha ha ha! ha! So the old fellow has found out that he has got a young wife, has he? Joseph S. This is no subject to jest on, brother. He who can laugh Charles S. True, true, as you were going to say—then, seriously, I never had the least idea of what you charge me with, upon my honour. Joseph S. Well, it will give Sir Peter great satisfaction to hear this. [Aloud. Charles S. To be sure, I once thought the lady seemed to have taken a fancy to me; but, upon my soul, I never gave her the least encouragement:-besides, you know my attachment to Maria. Joseph S. But sure, brother, even if Lady Teazle had betrayed the fondest partiality for you Charles S. Why, look'ee, Joseph, I hope I shall never deliberately do a dishonourable action; but if a pretty woman was purposely to throw herself in my way-and that pretty woman married to a man old enough to be her father Joseph S. Well Charles S. Why I believe I should be obliged to- Charles S. To borrow a little of your morality, that's all. But, brother, do you know now that you surprise me exceedingly, by naming me with Lady Teazle; for, 'faith, I always understood you were her favourite. Joseph S. O, for shame, Charles! This retort is foolish. Charles S. Nay, I swear I have seen you exchange such significant glances Joseph S. Nay, nay, sir, this is no jest. Charles S. Egad, I'm serious.-Don't you remember one day when I called here Joseph S. Nay, prythee, Charles- Charles S. And another time when your servantJoseph S. Brother, brother, a word with you! Gad, I must stop him. Charles S. Informed, I say, that [Aside. Joseph S. Hush! I beg your pardon, but Sir Peter has heard all we have been saying. I knew you would clear yourself, or I should not have consented. Charles S. How, Sir Peter! Where is he? Joseph S. Softly; there! [Points to the closet, R. Charles S. O, 'fore heaven, I'll have him out. Sir Peter, come forth! [Trying to get to the closet. Joseph S. No, no[Preventing him. Charles S. I say, Sir Peter, come into court―[Crosses, R.; pulls in Sir Peter.]-What! my old guardian'-What ! turn inquisitor, and take evidence incog? O, fie! O, fie! Sir P. Give me your hand, Charles-I believe I have suspected you wrongfully; but you mustn't be angry with Joseph-'twas my plan! Charles S. Indeed! Sir P. But I acquit you. I promise you I don't think near so ill of you as I did: what I have heard has given me great satisfaction. Charles S. Egad, then, 'twas lucky you didn't hear any more-wasn't it, Joseph? [Apart to Joseph. Sir P. Ah! you would have retorted on him. Charles S. Ay, ay, that was a joke. Sir P. Yes, yes, I know his honour too well. Chales S. But you might as well have suspected him as me in this matter, for all that-mightn't he, Joseph ? Sir P. Well, well, I believe you. [Apart to Joseph. Joseph S. Would they were both out of the room! [Aside. Sir P. And in future, perhaps, we may not be such strangers. up. Enter SERVANT, L. Serv. Lady Sneerwell is below, and says she will come Joseph S. Lady Sneerwell! Gads life! she must not come here! [Exit Servant, L.] Gentlemen, I beg pardon1 must wait on you down stairs: here is a person come or particular business. Charles S. Well, you can see him in another room. Sir Peter and I have not met a long time, and I have some thing to say to him. Joseph S. They must not be left together. [Aside.] I'll send Lady Sneerwell away, and return directly.- -Sir Peter, not a word of the French milliner. [Apart to Sir Peter, and goes out, L.] Sir P. [Crossing to Joseph.] I! not for the world!— [Apart to Joseph.]-Ah! Charles, if you associated more with your brother, one might indeed hope for your reformation. He is a man of sentiment-Well, there is no thing in the world so noble as a man of sentiment ! Charles S. Pshaw! he is too moral by half-and so apprehensive of his good name, as he calls it, that he would as soon let a priest into his house as a wench. Sir P. No, no,-Come, come,-you wrong him.-No, no! Joseph is no rake, but he is no such saint either, in that respect. -I have a great mind to tell him-we should have such a laugh at Joseph. [Aside. Charles S. Oh, hang him! He's a very anchorite, a young hermit. Sir P. Hark'ee-you must not abuse him: he may chance to hear of it again, I promise you. Charles S. Why, you won't tell him? Sir P. No-but-this way. Egad, I'll tell him.[Aside.] Hark'ee-have you a mind to have a good laugh at Joseph ? Charles S. I should like it of all things. Sir P. Then, i'faith, we will-I'll be quit with him for discovering me-He had a girl with him when I called. [Whispers. Charles S. What! Joseph?-you jest. Sir P. Hush!-a little French milliner-and the best of the jest is-she's in the room now. Charles S. The devil she is! Sir P. Hush! I tell you! [Looking at closet. [Points to screen, Charles S. Behind the screen! 'Slife, let us unveil. Sir P. No, no-he's coming-you sha'n't, indeed! Charles S. O, egad, we'll have a peep at the little milliner! [Endeavouring to get towards screen, Sir P. preventing. Sir P. Not for the world-Joseph will never forgive me Charles S. I'll stand by you Sir P. Odds, here he is! [Joseph Surface enters L., just as Charles Surface throws down the screen.] Charles S. (c.) Lady Teazle! by all that's wonderful! -Sir P. (R.) Lady Teazle! by all that's damnable! |