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Is that a bell-rope which I see before me;
[Rings the bell violently.
Enter Pris, l.' Prig. Hollo! gently over the stones. Coming, coming. Gadzooks, how the bells keep going ! Bomb. Go, bid thy mistress, when the dinner's ready,
She strike upon the bell. Prig. I tell you what, Mr. Bombast, if my wife catches you at that sort of fun, she'll strike with a vengeance; she's a mortal antipathy to gentlemen of your cloth.
Bomb. What makes the players so much out of her books, Mr. Prig ?
Prig. Out of her books ! They are too much in 'en ! Bomb. Trust me, good host. Prig. Trust you! How can you expect to be trusted, when you say at the bottom of your play-bills, No money to be returned. Bomb. Saddle my horses, call ny train together.
Degen'rate landlord, I'll not trouble thee ! Prig. What, your waggon-train, I suppose! and your horses, ha! ha! ha! Why, the devil a saddle have they got to their backs! It's my opinion, Mr. Bombast, that you want to saddle me.
Enter MIRS. PRIG, R. Mrs. P. And so, Mr. Prig, you stand prating here, and leave me to wait upon the customers : there's Sir Matthew and Lady Marrowfat, and all the young masters and misses Marrowfats, just arrived from Saint Mary Axe.
Bomb. The Marrowfats from St. Mary Axe! Fair is foul, and foul is fair.
Mrs. P. And very good fare too. Fowl, indeed! You'll get no fowl here, I promise you.
Prig. Penelope, my dear, that's not classical.
Prig. Be pretty behaved; mind your P's and Q's, Mrs. P.
Mrs. P. Here's impertinence! Here's assumption! Are you a man, Mr. Prig? Are you a man ? Bumo. Aye, and a bold one, that dare look on that
Which might appal the devil! But I'll be revenged. I'll quit your house, and go to the Angel that stands opposite.
Prig. Yon may go to the devil. .
Bomb. That also stands opposite. [Pointing to Mrs. Prig.] Yes,
Thither in a bark I'll sail,
[Exit, R. Mrs. P. Monster of turpentine !
[Exeunt Mr. and Mrs. Prig, R.
Enter JEREMY; L. Jer. What an infernal fellow is this prating landlord of the Zodiac ! The partridges not yet forth-coming ; how provoking!
Enter CAPTAIN WING'EM, R. Capt. [Half aside.] The horses are a long time prepariug. Well, Jeremy, are they ready? Jer. Not quite, sir. Capt. I tell you, we must have them instantly. Jer. That's impossible! They are but just spitted. Capt. Spitted! What does the blockhead mean ? Jer. They hav'nt been long at the fire. Capt. Are you mad? The horses at the fire !
Jer. No, sir, the partridges ! They are hardly warm through.
Capt. Sirrah, you deserve to be run through \ Away ; and prepare to depart instantly.
[Exit, R. Jer. Now for our intriguing expedition. Let me see : my first step must be a reconciliation with Flora : her easy access to the pantry was so conveuient! Then old Cork screw, the butler, is my particular friend ; aud Sir Timothy's Madeira is London particular. It was never my plan to make love with an empty stomach.
(TUNE.“ Here's to the Maiden.")
Frolicsome Cupid, a sly little lad,
Laughs at your lovers so sickly ;
If you're inclin'd,
To tell her your mind,
Down on my knees to some beautiful fair,
Bless me, how charming you look, maid !
Love is my plan,
So I am the man,
Your turkeys and geese, I adore 'em !
But I must start
To the girl of my heart;
[Exit Jeremy, L.
SCENE II.-A Library in Sir Timothy Testy's House.
Enter FLORA. Flo Well; to be crossed in love is a sad thing, after all! I had just got into the most interesting part of “ Love and Sentiment," wlien Sir Timothy called me.. Let me see. [Takes a volume out of her pocket.] Here's the place-[The bell rings.] Madain, Madam, I'm coming !(Reads.) “ It is impossible to express the astonishment of the fair Celestina”- [Bell rings again.] Yes, Madam! “ when having, with a trembling hand, opened Sir Charles's letter,"
Enter Mrs. DUNSTABLE, R. Mrs. D. SO! I may ring aud ring again for you :Hey-day! busy at your morning's devotions !--[Snatches the book away.]
“ Love and Sentiment !" Upon my word; so you are learning to make fine speeches ! You would be a great lady, with your pearls and your tissues ! why don't you read some good book, “ Religious Courtship,” and " The Whole Duty of Man ?”
[Throws the book on the floor. Flo. I hate “ Religious Courtship;"" Bridget Bluemantle” for my money!
Mrs. D. “Bridget Bluemantle!" O you profane young creature! Flo. Pray, Mrs. Dunstable, did you ever read “ The
Way to get Married ?" It's a charming thing ; -d'ye know, l've almost learnt it by heart.
Mrs. D. And more shame for you; I never learnt the way to get married.
Flo. Then there's “ The Old Maid."
Flo. [Running to the library shelves.] Why, on the shelf, to be sure ; and “ The Wild Irishman,” too; come, l’lí put him in my pocket.
[Takes up the volume. Mrs. D. Put “ The Wild Irishman" in her pocket! What will the world come to !--Give me the book ; I'll take “ The Wild Irishman" in hand, and make him turn over a new leaf ;--there, there, and there. (Tears out the leaves, and throws them on the ground.
Enter Davy DUMPLING, L. Davy. Please your ladyship's honour, Doctor Fungus do send his dutiful respects, and hopes as how the cherrybran
Mrs. D. Davy Dumpling, you're a shocking savage ! The eye-water, you mean.
Davy. Rabbit it! but your ladyship's eye-water do make my mouth water most consumedly!
Mrs. D. Send my compliments to Doctor Fungus ; and inform him, that his aromatic decoction has been so efficacious, that I can do very well without my glasses.
Davy. Noa, sure,-he! he! he ! Mrs. D. What does the gaby stand grinning at? Davy. Why, to think as how your ladyship can do without your glasses 1-he! he !
[Making a drinking motion with his hand, and exit, L. Flo. Now, my dear, sweet, pretty Miss Dorothy, I've got a favour to ask. Do let us go to the play this evening, to see “ The Romp."
Mrs. D. Do you think I am out of my senses ?-Go to the play! Go to your chamber, look in the glass, and you'll see the Romp without going to the play.
Flo. A precious life I lead, from one room to another; like a bird in.a cage with two perches only, hopping up and down at your discretion.
Mrs. D. Hold your tongue, minikin. I am bound to watch over you, by my known virtue and prudence.
Flo. And I, hy my unknown virtue and prudence, anı able to watch over myself. People at your age ought to be prudent.
Mrs. D. At my age ?
Mrs. D. Malicious creature ! you shall repent your impertinence.
DUET._FLORA and MRS. DUNSTABLE.
(TUNE." I was the Boy for bewitching 'em.") Mrs. D. Minikin ! Flo.
Pert, Mrs. Dorothy,
What are the beauties you prize ?
Charms you pretend to despise !
Say that I'm fair,-
Fat and fifty, Ma'am. Mrs. D.
No, threescore and ten'
Pert Mrs. Dorothy,
What are the beauties you prize ? Mrs. D. Minx ! you'd be happy to borrow the Charms you pretend to despise!'
[Exit Mrs. Dunstable, R. Flo. Ill-natured old frump! As Sir Timothy is continually losing his temper, I think Mrs. Dunstable must have found it-[A noise without.] O here comes the cross old gentleman !
Enter SiR TIMOTHY TESTY and MARIA, L. Sir T. Fire and fury, madamn! Am I to be tormented with coxcombs prying round my house, with winkings, noddings, and whisperings among my servants ! and with midnight incantations that might raise the Witch of Endor!
Mari Servants will whisper, papa. Flo. And musicians will play, your Worship. Sir T. Play! and so will l; but it shall be the devil with 'em! I had scarcely set my foot in the place, before the bells were all set a-going, as if there had been a parişh dinner, or a general insurrection; and, by way of a finish. ing stroke, some rascally scribbler announces our arrival