From Punch.

swam round and round the ship, looking for an

THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF MISS ROBIN- easy place to get up. At length, I saw a bit of

SON CRUSOE.

CHAPTER IV.

rope hanging out of the captain's window, and-always being a good climber-I was speedily in his cabin. The silence-the solitude appalled me. His pipe-relinquished when the breeze began to freshen-still lay upon the table. There was something about that pipe that—I know not whyaffected me.

I crept from cabin to cabin: all was still. I sat down upon a bench, and was buried in reflection. Now my thoughts dwelt upon my sad condition, and now they wandered to the wardrobe and jewels of the female passengers: poor things! all removed from the toil and trouble of such vanities. Whilst thus occupied, I felt something rub against my knee. The thought electrically shot through

WALKING on, I raised my eyes, and what was my astonishment, my delight, to behold the shipthe Ramo Samee-reclining as upon a sofa, on a bank of sand about two miles distant! My heart fluttered. After all, I might not be alone upon a desolate island. The captain might be spared; if not the captain, at least the boatswain. Again, when I looked upon the vessel, soft thoughts stole into my bosom; hope stirred within me, and all about my plum-colored silk and my crimson velvet —and the band-boxes, every one with a love of a bonnet, and the night-caps, (I was always particu-me-"I am not alone, then. Is it the captain: is lar in my night-caps,) with their beautiful lace borders, chosen with an eye to the hopeful future. These thoughts forced tears from my eyes; and I resolved to save my wardrobe; or, as I once heard a gentleman in blue silk and spangles exclaim, "perish in the attempt.'

it the boatswain ?" This, I say, was the thought of a second, and ere I could look about me. Then, casting my eyes downwards, I beheld a cat-the ship cat. Now, cats I had always treated with very distinguished contempt; believing them, in my maidenly superstition, the inevitable companI satiated my hunger with raw periwinkles-for ions of single wretchedness. And as the animal I found they strewed the lower part of the beach continued to rub against me, and stare at me with which I was enabled to do, having several pins in as somebody somewhere says of melancholy-its my dress. I had never thought of it before; but "green and yellow eyes," and mew and mew, that how beautifully has Nature or Fashion, or what-its voice thrilled my heart-strings, I thought the ever it may be, ordained that woman should never creature cried, "Welcome, Miss Robinson, to oldbe without pins? Even as Nature benevolently maidenhood; welcome forever to celibacy." The guards the rose with thorns, so does she endow woman with pins; a sharp truth not all unknown to the giddy and frolicsome.

Though dreading to approach my boxes, lest I should discover that the salt water had spoilt all my things, I nevertheless determined to visit the ship, and preserve what I could of my beautiful outfit. A pang shot through my heart when I thought of a certain white satin, made up-for I had provided against being married unawares in case of the officer coming off in the yam-boat. Allowing it to be preserved from the wrathful billows, of what avail would it be in such a place? Of what avail, indeed, any of my clothes, for who could see them? And when I thought of this, my tears flowed anew.

As I proceeded, my eyes beheld what, at the distance, they believed to be a monstrous eel. It is a fish I am prodigiously fond of; and I will own it, for the moment I forgot the horrors of my situation in the thought of my gratified palate. I ran to seize the prize, when, to my passing disappointment I discovered that what I thought to be an eel was nothing more than an india-rubber life-preserver, that had floated from the vessel. My better feelings were aroused, and I will not repeat what thanks I uttered for the accident.

idea was too much for me. I rose, and running and stumbling, reached my own cabin. There I found some water, and a bottle of eau-de-cologne. Equally mixing the liquids in a horn, I drank the beverage, and was revived considerably. Another and another libation put new heart into me, and I continued my search from place to place. My own boxes were safe, and-shall I ever forget the emotion that swelled my heart-dry. A canary-colored satin slip was, however, utterly ruined by the salt-water; though I thought that probably the surrounding country might furnish me with materials to dye it for common.

It was with some natural feelings of curiosity that I rummaged all the boxes of my late_female companions. Could I choose my readers, I would not hesitate to name the many artifices of millinery that I discovered; the many falsehoods made of buckram, and wool, and wadding-and-but no; far be it from me to put a weapon in the hands of the male malignant. In every box I found a large supply of French slippers and shoes; but, of course, they were all much too big for me.

By dint of great exertion I got all these boxes upon deck. Had their weight been of anything else than beautiful dresses, I do not think I could have lifted it. But I know not what it was that put a mysterious power within me. I carried up trunk upon trunk as though it had been no more than a Tunbridge Wells work-box. "How happy," thought I, "could I be with such a wardrobe, if anybody could see me wear it!"

Taking off my gown-for the flounces were very full, and therefore would hold much water, I put on the life-preserver, and made for the ship. It is true I was a good swimmer, and could have gained the vessel without any foreign aid; but I husbanded my strength, for I knew not what trials awaited In the steward's cabin there were all sorts of me. Now and then I shivered as a flying-fish rose pickles and preserves, guava jelly, and preserved before me for where flying-fishes were found, ginger. All these, and fifty other kinds of pleasthere, I had heard, were sharks; and my feet were ant eatables, with-what could have prompted me wholly unprotected, the Adelaide boot being at that to take it, I know not-one bottle of gin, I brought time wholly unknown. How strangely doth fear and set down upon the deck. My next thought magnify circumstances! More than once I scream-was-and for a long time it puzzled me-how to ed at what I believed I felt to be an alligator-at get them ashore. But this I managed, as the the very greatest, perhaps, it was a shrimp. I reader shall learn.

CHAPTER V.

and as I may say, with its brightness illuminated the very depths of my being-when I remembered that I had no looking-glass!

without even attempting to scream-which, I have no doubt, I should have done had anybody been By rummaging with all the earnestness and in- present. A canister of powder, and a bag of shot telligence of my sex-and who, when she likes, about as big as pins'-heads, next rewarded my can rummage like a woman?—I discovered, in the scrutinizing vigilance. I will not stay to number steward's store cabin, a crate full of life-preserv- all the things secured, (many of them will immeers; a sufficient number to have saved the lives of diately arise to the recollection of every housethe crew of what I think on the voyage I once wife,) but state, that as I thought my raft pretty heard called a three-decker. How they came to well furnished, I had nothing more to do than-as be forgotten in the hour of our peril, is only to be I have heard the sailors observe-shove off. accounted for by the frequent truth, that we can I again descended from the vessel, and was rarely put our hands upon anything when we are about to cut the string that secured the raft to the in a hurry for it. (The reader who has ever mis-ship's side, when-the thought flashed upon me, laid her scissors, or any particular ball of cotton, will at once understand me.) Now, the life-preservers were exactly of the same sort as the one I found upon the beach. It immediately occurred to me, that by filling some fifty or more of them with air, and tying them together with tight string, I might make what is called a raft, upon which I might safely deposit the trunks, the band-boxes, and other valuables. With this thought I set to work; beginning with all my power to blow up every single article. Exhausted as I had been by the terrors of the previous night, this was no easy task. But perseverance was always my motto as it should be that of every young woman setting out in life for a husband-and though I had had but a poor breakfast, I succeeded in perfectly well blowing up every one of the articles, and then flung every one of them overboard. Recruiting myself with another horn of eau-de-cologne and water, and some potted anchovies, found in the captain's cupboard, I again set to work to finish my task. I descended the ship's side, and with my preserver still about my waist, with some tight string bound every piece of buoyant India-rubber close together. Returning to the ship I threw overboard a patent water-bed, which subsequently I laid upon the life-preservers, and very snug and comfortable it looked. I then moved trunk by trunk and box by box from the ship upon the raft: and who can know, who can understand, my delight, when I perceived that every box, though trusted to uncertain Neptune, remained as dry as a bone! For the sea was like glass; there was not spray enough to straighten the curls of a mermaid.

A woman, nursed in the lap, and dandled upon the knees of luxury, without a looking-glass! Imagine it—dwell upon it—is it possible for fate, in its worst malignity, more cruelly to punish her? When at home, with every blessing about me, I thought nothing of the chief delight, the happiness of sitting two or three hours before my mirror, trying here a patch and there a patch. Now limiting the furtive wanderings of an eyebrowand now making pretty experiments with my hair, for all the world as they practise in Woolwich marshes-for more certain killing. I had heard something about "painting the rose, and giving a perfume to the violet," and every morning, for two hours at least, determined to try if it could n't be done. I shall not, at this lapse of time, be accused of vanity when I declare that very often, as I then believed, I succeeded to a miracle.

To think of the looking-glass, and again to be on the ship's deck was, I may say, the same thing! As the poet says, "Like the darting swallow" I fled into the ladies' cabin, for there, I recollected, was a large gilt-framed mirror, nailed to the wall, with lions' claws (doves, not lions, ought to support looking-glasses; for what, in her innocence, knows woman of claws?) standing upon nothing. How to detach it, for it seemed to have been nailed up by a giant! Rummaging about, I found a chisel, with which-I know not how long-1 labored, I shall never forget the various expression of my features in that looking-glass, as I I worked and toiled. I looked red, and black, and angry, and savage; and still, in the very height and depth of my despair, I could not help pausing and asking if it could be possible that it was the same Miss Robinson reflected in the crystal, the very same that had so often "painted the rose, and perfumed the violet." Again and again I thought I must leave the glass to the mermaids. And then the thought of breaking the glass, and at least rescuing the fragments, rose within me. And then I shuddered.

Whilst thus employed, securing my own boxes, and the boxes of the other lady passengers, I cast my eyes towards the shore. The tide, I perceived, had risen, and was carrying away my gown, with all its flounces. I felt a momentary pang; but, looking at the boxes on the raft, permitted myself to be comforted. Having first secured all the articles of wearing apparel, my next thought was to provide myself with a sufficient store of food. A few sides of bacon-stowed away in the steward's cabin-half-a-dozen hams, and all the Nerved by a thimble full of eau-de-cologne, I pickles and preserves, with twenty packages of resumed my task. How shall I describe my emoEmbden Groats (for how, I thought, could I bear tions, when I felt the first nail yield to the chisel? existence without, now and then, my gruel!) My face-I caught a look of myself-seemed to were, with much pain and labor, discovered, and go off as it were in one tremendous smile, (often safely placed upon the raft. A very beautiful as I have since practised for the same look, I nevmahogany case of surgical instruments-the Ramo er could touch it.) Nail followed nail; and, not Samee had advertised to carry a surgeon-provi- to weary the reader-for such person may be of dentially attracted my notice. This I also secured; and happy was it that I did so.

My next thought was to secure some weapons to protect me against the bears and lions that might already be in the island, or the savages that might visit it. The captain's pistols were in his cabin; and as nobody saw me, I took them down,

the male sex-I folded the liberated mirror to my breast, as I released it from the wall. Had it not been a mirror I should have considered its weight quite insupportable; as it was, I felt it lightlight, as somebody says who knew nothing about it-as vanity.

My next care was to place the glass upon the

raft. Very thick, and very violent, were the beatings of my woman's heart as I brought the mirror over the ship's side. No words, though bright as rainbows, can paint my feelings when I saw the glass safely lowered among my other goods. I sank upon the deck, and grateful tears ran, like rain-drops on cottage casements, down my cheeks.-a sharp look out, I steered and paddled on; but Finally recruiting myself for my great effort to land my goods-I descended upon the raft-it bore me beautifully; and it was not without some pride that I gazed upon my valuables, so safely stowed, my looking-glass included.

Taking an oar in my hand-I had once, in an hour of childish hilarity, rowed a boat upon a lake, somewhere near Hornsey, so was not altogether unskilful in the management of skulls-I paddled, as some one once said to me (oh, memory! and oh, fate!) "like a little duck as I was."

I steered towards a slit-a creek, I think it's called-in the shore: to avoid the billows that,

ON WHIPPING.

From Punch.

big as feather beds, were rolling over the rocks. Then I trembled for my raft; felt cold and hot, and hot and cold for my mirror. However, all went smoothly enough for a mile; and the more I paddled, the greater confidence I felt in my powers. Keeping-pardon the unfeminine expression knowing nothing of flats and shoals, my raft suddenly run aground on the edge of a rock or something. I merely shifted my oar; and, summoning all the energies of my soul, endeavored to shove off. And I did so. But judge of my despair— think of my horror! The raft violently moved, gave a sort of lurch: it communicated motion to one article-then to the next-then to the nextuntil, striking against my mirror, it sent it headlong (if I may use the word) headlong into the sea! After this loss, consider if you can, what were my reflections!

their time is passed in laborious military studies; the conversation of mess-rooms is generally known to be philosophical, and the pursuits of officers to be severely scientific. So ardent in the acquisition of knowledge in youth, what must be their wisdom in old age? By the time Grigg is a colonel (and, to be sure knowledge grows much more rapidly in the guard regiments, and a young veteran may be a colonel at five-and-twenty,) and Famish has reached the same rank-these are the men who are more fitted than ever for the conduct of the army; and how can any civilian know as much about it as they? These are the men whose opinions the civilians dare to impugn; and I can conceive nothing more dangerous, insolent-snobbish, in a word—than such an opposition.

sign and Lieutenant Grigg, of the Guards, Captain Famish, of the Hottentot Buffs, or hundreds of NOTHING can be more disgusting or atrocious young gentlemen of their calling, must acknowlthan the exhibition of incendiary ignorance, ma-edge that the army is safe under the supervision levolent conceit, and cowardly ill-will, which has of men like these. Their education is brilliant, been exhibited by the Pekins of the public press, and a great body of civilian snobs in the country, towards the most beloved of our institutions; that institution, the health of which is always drank after the church at public dinners-the British army. I myself, when I wrote a slight dissertation upon military snobs-called upon to do so by a strict line of duty-treated them with a tenderness and elegant politeness which I am given to understand was admired and appreciated in the war-like clubs, in messes, and other soldatesque societies: but to suppose that criticism should go so far as it has done during the last ten days; that every uneducated cockney should presume to have a judgment; that civilians at taverns and clubs should cry shame; that patriots in the grocery or linen-drapery line should venture to object; that even ig- When men such as these, and the very highest norant women and mothers of families, instead of authorities in the.army, are of opinion that flogging superintending the tea and butter at breakfast, is requisite for the British soldier, it is manifestly should read the newspapers, forsooth, and utter absurd of the civilian to interfere. Do you know their shrill cries of horror at the account of the as much about the army and the wants of the solfloggings at Hounslow-to suppose, I say, that so-dier, as Field-Marshal the Duke of Wellington? ciety should make such a hubbub as it has done If the great captain of the age considers flogging for the last fortnight, and that perhaps at every is one of the wants of the army, what business table in England there should be a cry of indignation-this is too much-the audacity of civilian snobs is too great, and must be put an end to at once. I take part against the Pekins, and am authorized to say, after a conversation with Mr. Punch, that that gentleman shares in my opinion that the army must be protected.

The answer which is always to be made to the civilian snob when he raises objections against military punishments, promotions, purchases, or what not, is invariable. He knows nothing about it.-How the deuce can you speculate about the army Pekin, who don't know the difference between a firelock and a fusee?

This point I have seen urged, with great effect, in the military papers, and most cordially agree that it is an admirable and unanswerable argument. A particular genius, a profound study, an education specially military, are requisite, before a man can judge upon so complicated a matter as the army; and these, it is manifest, few civilians can have enjoyed. But any man who has had the supreme satisfaction of making the acquaintance of En

have you to object? You're not flogged. You are a Pekin. To lash fellow-creatures like hounds, may be contrary to your ideas of decency, morals, and justice; to submit Christian men' to punishments brutal, savage, degrading, ineffectual, may be revolting to you; but to suppose that such an eminent philanthropist as the great captain of the age would allow such penalties to be inflicted on the troops if they could be done away with, is absurd. A word from the chiefs of the army, and the cat might have taken its place as an historical weapon in the tower, along with the boots and the thumb-screws of the Spanish Armada. But, say you, very likely the great captain of his age, the Duke of Alva, might have considered thumb-screws and boots just as necessary for discipline as the cat is supposed to be now. Pekin! Don't meddle with subjects quite beyond the sphere of your knowledge. Respect the articles of war, and remember that the majority of officers of the British army, from his grace down to Ensign Grigg, are of opinion that flogging can't be done away with.

You can't suppose that they are inhumane.

must be distinctions and differences, and mysteries which are beyond the comprehension of the civilian, and this paper is written as a warning to all such not to meddle with affairs that are quite out of their sphere.

When that wretched poor fellow was lashed to the ladder at Hounslow, and as the farriers whirled the cat over him, not only men, but officers, it is stated, turned sick and fainted at the horrible spectacle. At every military punishment, I am told that men so drop down. Nature itself gives way, But then there is a word, Mr. Punch declares, making, as it were, a dying protest against that to be said to other great commanders, and fielddisgusting scene of torture. Nature: yes! But marshals besides the historic conqueror of Assaye, the army is not a natural profession. It is out of Vittoria, and Waterloo. We have among us, common life altogether. Drilling-red coats, all thank Heaven! a field-marshal whose baton has of the same pattern, with the same number of but- been waved over fields of triumph the least santons-flogging-marching with the same leg fore-guinary that ever the world has known. We have

most are not natural: put a bayonet into a man's hand, he would not naturally thrust it into the belly of a Frenchman: very few men, of their own natural choice, would wear, by way of hat, such a cap as Colonel Whyte and his regiment wear every day-a muff, with a red worsted bag dangling down behind it, and a shaving-brush stuck by way of ornament in front: the whole system is something egregious-artificial. The civilian, who lives out of it, can't understand it. It is not like the other professions, which require intelligence. A man one degree removed from idiocy, with brains just sufficient to direct his powers of mischief or endurance, may make a distinguished soldier. A boy may be set over a veteran: we see it every day. A lad with a few thousand pounds may purchase a right to command which the most skilful and scientific soldier may never gain. Look at the way Ensign Grigg, just come from school, touches his cap to the enormous old private who salutes him—the gladiator of five-andtwenty campaigns.

an august family field-marshal, so to speak, and to him we desire humbly to speak :

-:

66

"Your royal highness," we say, your royal highness, (who has the ear of the head of the army,) pour into that gracious ear the supplications of a nation. Say that as a nation we entreat and implore that no English Christian man should any longer suffer the infernal torture of the cat. Say, that we had rather lose a battle than flog a soldier; and that the courage of the Englishman will not suffer by the loss. And if your royal highness, Prince Albert, will deign to listen to this petition, we venture to say, that you will be the most beloved of field-marshals, and that you will have rendered a greater service to the British people and the British army, than ever was rendered by any field-marshal since the days of Malbrook."

A CASE FOR FEMALE SYMPATHY.

66

REALLY the ladies should get up an agitation in favor of the Queen of Spain. She has about And if the condition of the officer is wonderful twenty lovers, and is not allowed to marry one. and anomalous, think of that of the men! There France offers a husband whom she must not have is as much social difference between Ensign Grigg for fear of displeasing Narvaez. Narvaez introand the big gladiator, as there is between a gang duces a young Prince whom England does not of convicts working in the hulks and the keepers in like. England sends a member of that fine matricharge of them. Hundreds of thousands of men monial country, Coburg, where princes are taught eat, march, sleep, and are driven hither and thither at school to sit upon thrones, and wield sceptres; in gangs all over the world-Grigg and his clan but Louis Philippe says No: the queen can't riding by and superintending; they get the word have a Bourbon, and she shan't have a Coburg." of command to advance or fall back, and they do Portugal even recommends its candidate, whilst it they are told to strip, and they do it: or to Carlos, Miguel, and Queen Christina have each a flog, and they do it: to murder or be murdered, miserable protégé, who are continually proposing and they obey-for their food and clothing, and to Isabella, and being married regularly once a two-pence a day for beer and tobacco. For noth-week-in the newspapers. But amidst all this ing more :-no hope-no ambition-nor chance for confusion of opposition husbands, the poor queen is old days, but Chelsea Hospital. How many of likely to die an old maid. She is not allowed to these men, in time of war, when their labor is most marry any one she likes, and every state is wishneeded and best paid, escape out of their slavery!ing her to marry some one she does not like. We Between the soldier and the officer there is such a gulf fixed, that to cross it is next to a miracle. There was one Mameluke escaped when Mehemet Ali ordered the destruction of the whole troop of them; so certainly a stray officer or two may have come from the ranks, but he is a wonder. No: such an institution as this is a mystery, which all civilians, I suppose, had best look at in silent wonder, and of which we must leave the management to its professional chiefs. Their care for their subordinates is no doubt amiable, and the gratitude of these to their superiors must be proportionably great. When the tipsy young lieutenant of the 4th dragoons cut at his adjutant with a sabre, he was reprimanded and returned back to his duty, and does it, no doubt, very well: when the tipsy private struck his corporal, he was flogged, and died after the flogging. There must be a line drawn, look you, otherwise the poor private might have been forgiven too, by the great captain of the age, who pardoned the gentleman offender. There

propose, therefore, in order to end these differen-
ces, that there should be a royal election. Let all
the princes go to the poll, and he who gets the
greatest number of votes be returned husband of
the Queen of Spain. We think, in a matter of
this delicate nature, the ladies only should vote.
What an animated scene it would be! We can im-
agine all the placards! "Keine Bourbon."
bas le Cobourg. "Vote for Prince Widdicomb,
and a real moustache." "Don Henrique and
Spanish Liquorice." "Le Duc de Montpensier,
et beaucoup de Champagne.' "Le Prince des
Asturies. Tous ses châteaux sont en Espagne."

"A

Seriously, we hope some scheme will yet be devised to put an end to these petty squabbles about choosing a husband. One would really think that the queen had no voice in the matter. Considering she is the party the most interested, she ought to be allowed to do as she likes! Ladies, rally round the Queen of Spain and assert your rights!

Punch.