the designs of his grace, to decline his offers of service in the gospel. Providence continued, from the first moment that he formed the design, to hedge up his way by one means or another, so that he could not find his desired path, till at length he abandoned the attempt, and became satisfied that it was enough that it had been in his heart to build the house of the Lord. The obstructions which prevented his progress in the earlier part of his life, have been already stated; the following narrative will sufficiently detail those which succeeded and finally disappointed his hopes.

When he began the study of medicine, and afterwards commenced business, it was only, as has been mentioned, as a secondary object. He hoped, by a few years practice, to save as much money as would support him and the family during the course of his studies for the ministry; but after making the trial he found this impracticable. When he went to Carnwath, he had nothing; he was even somewhat in debt. His mother and two sisters were left behind in Edinburgh till his prospect of success should justify their removal; and, in the meanwhite, he resided for twelve months in a mean house, without a servant, and almost without furniture. His diligence and frugality soon placed him in such circumstances, that he ventured, in the course of the year 1751, to move to a different house, and bring the family to reside with him; but the expence of furniture, the charge of the family's maintenance, the distress and death of his younger sister, by severe disorder with which he was himself attacked, and which for some time threatened his life, together with the narrowness of his income, left him, at the close of the year 1753, considerably

D

in debt, and as incapable of prosecuting his favorite purpose as at any preceding period.

It was perhaps this concurrence of circumstances, adverse in themselves, and discouraging with respect to his future views, which in part occasioned a dejection of spirits under which he labored about this time, and which it does not appear that he ever experienced in any great degree at any future period of life. The duration of his distress of mind, and the particular manner in which it afflicted him, cannot now, owing to the loss of a few leaves of a manuscript, be known. It appears, however, that his spiritual gloom was suddenly dispelled, and that the apprehensions of divine indignation with which he was assailed, gave place to holy serenity and joy. "The light of God's countenance beamed again on my soul, as I was walking alone from church, and made my wandering thoughts return to him as their centre, and the rest of my soul; so I went on rejoicing." On the review of his condition, he found that he had himself only to blame for the distress which he had suffered; for "he had not prized the presence of God which for some time he remarkably enjoyed, nor improved those happy moments as he should have done. He had, besides, indulged in spiritual pride and carnal security; not looking narrowly lest any unobserved sins might provoke God to frown on him, boasting that his mountain was established, and resting more on the bliss of enjoyment, than on him whom he enjoyed."

For some time after this, outward matters assumed a more promising appearance. His business increased; he was enabled to discharge some troublesome debts; and he began to entertain the hope of soon abandoning surgery for divinity. In a little, however,

the clouds returned after the rain; he was seized with trouble of body, and this again was succeeded by distress of circumstances.

Towards the end of January, 1755, he felt himself one day much indisposed, but went about business as usual. "I slept," says he, "at the house of an ac quaintance who was always dear to me, his discourse ever edifying, and his prayer,s like one of those who are already on the borders of the better country, into which he soon after entered. I was very uneasy during the night, and still more so next day; but I got home, though with difficulty, not being willing to be absent from my own house, either in sickness or in death. I immediately took to bed, being seized with a bad fever. Now, thought I, I am perhaps to die, and shall die in debt, and leave my family destitute. But what I lamented most was, that I should sleep in silence, and not serve the Lord in the land of the living, nor execute the designs which I had formed for the advancement of his glory. These thoughts tossed my weak spirits much; but my eternal concerns gave me no uneasiness; for I can say, that at that time I could commit my spirit into the hands of the God of truth, my gracious Redeemer, knowing in whom I had believed. Thus, visited by my acquaintances, I continued till about the 13th or 15th day of the fever, when these words of the 118th psalm, "I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord," were, as it were, audibly spoken to me between sleeping and waking; and my faith helped me to lay hold thereon, so that my fears fled, and I was no more sad. Praises. then dwelt on my faultering tongue, and I spake within myself to God, what moment I had respite from the disease, yea, I told my sister, when weeping at my bed-side, that I should not die. From the 20th day I

began to amend. I now thought that my life, in a double respect, belonged to God, who had redeemed me from going down to the grave, and resolved, if he should be pleased to accept of me, to devote the remainder of my days to his service in the gospel, and to arrange my affairs so as to begin my studies next Martinmas."

Before Martinmas came, however, new difficulties occurred to obstruct his design. This was the more afflicting, because he could not exculpate himself from having involved himself in them by his own imprùdence. His debts were diminishing, his business increasing, and, had he had no further views than continuance in business, he found himself, on the 20th of July, by the kindness of Providence, as well as he could wish. But he hastily aspired at conveniences which he ought for a while to have declined; for, finding it disagreeable to be changing his habitation, as he had done every season, he purchased a small house în the village, and thus increased his debts. This was not all; when he took possession of it at Whitsunday, 1756, some repairs became absolutely necessary to render it habitable; and though a small sum must have been sufficient for the purchase and reparation of a thatched house, yet it was more than he could afford without borrowing, and it led to embarrassments which ultimately defeated his intention of prosecuting his studies. "I cannot help thinking that I erred, for I should have essayed to build the temple of the Lord, before I chose to sit in mine own house.”

It were tedious to enter into a minute detail of the embarrassments and distresses of the following year. Some of his creditors became impatient, and took

See p. 32.

legal steps to enforce payment. He examined the state of his affairs, and found that his property considerably exceeded his debts; but he had imprudently locked it up, and was unable to raise what was necessary to satisfy their demands. The idea of bankruptcy was terrible to him; "for," says he, "the name of honesty was always dear to me; and I cannot excuse peoples' becoming bankrupt, unless some great loss or series of misfortunes have befallen them;" but how to escape it, occasioned him many anxious and perplexing thoughts. At last, after satisfying the most clamorous of his creditors, by giving to some full, and to others partial payment, he resolved, May 1757, on committing the management of his property, which was more than sufficient to answer all demands, on him, to a friend, and betake himself to sea.

It was not without much serious deliberation that he formed this resolution. By continuing in Carnwath, he suspected he could never attain the object which he had so long in view; "for,” says he, "although I could live very well, yet, without demanding higher prices than my patients were able to afford, I could not clear my debts, and lay up any thing for attending the university, and studying divinity." Resolving, therefore, to make another effort to attain his grand object, he sat down, and weighed the arguments in favour of going to sea and against it, that he might satisfy his conscience respecting what was his duty. His reasonings, as stated by himself, were after this manner: Pro. "Have I not engaged to usc every effort to get forward to the ministry?" Contra. "I have, and am determined, though I remain at home, not to desist"-Pro. "What method, then, shall now be taken to forward this intention?" Contra.