at Millamant's last Night, after I went. Was there any Mention made of my Uncle, or me? Tell me, if thou hadft but good Nature equal to thy Wit Petulant, Tony Witwoud, who is now thy Competitor in Fame, wou'd fhew as dim by thee as a dead Whiting's Eye, by a Pearl of Orient, he wou'd no more be feen by thee, than Mercury is by the Sun: Come, I'm fure thou wo't tell

me.

Pet. If I do, will you grant me common Senfe then, for the future?

Mira. Faith I'll do what I can for thee; and I'll pray that Heaven may grant it thee in the mean time.

Pet. Well, harkee.

Fain. Petulant and you both will find Mirabell as warm a Rival as a Lover.

Wit. Phaw, pfhaw, that the laughs at Petulant is plain. And for my part But that it is almost a Fashion to admire her, I fhou'd-Harkee- To tell you. a Secret, but let it further-Between Friends, I fhall never break my Heart for her. Fain. How!

go no

Wit. She's handsome, but she's a fort of an uncertain Woman. Fain. I thought you had dy'd for her.

Wit. Umh

Fain. She has Wit.

No

Wit. 'Tis what he will hardly allow any Body elfe

- Now,

Demme, I shou'd hate that, if the were as handsome as Cleopatra. Mirabell is not fo fure of her as he thinks for.

Fain. Why do you think fo?

and

Wit. We ftaid pretty late there laft Night; and heard fomething of an Uncle to Mirabell, who is lately come to Town, is between him and the best part of his Eftate; Mirabell and hẹ are at fome Distance, as my Lady Wifhort has been told; and you know the hates Mirabell, worse than a Quaker hates a Parrot, or than a Fishmonger hates a hard Froft. Whether this Uncle has feen Mrs. Millamant or not, I cannot fay; but there were Items of fuch a Treaty being in Embrio, and if it fhou'd come to Life, poor Mirabell wou'd be in fome fort unfortunately

fobb'd ifaith.

Fain. 'Tis impoffible Millamant should harken to it.

Wit. Faith, my Dear, I can't tell, fhe's a Woman and a kind of a Humorist.

Mira. And this is the Sum of what you cou'd collect last Night.

Pet. The Quinteffence. May be Witwoud knows more, he ftay'd longer Befides they never mind him; they say any

thing before him.

Mira. I thought you had been the greatest Favourite.

Pet. Ayteftea tefte; But not in publick, because I make Remarks. Mira. Do you.

Pet. Ay, ay, pox I'm malicious, Man. Now he's foft you know, they are not in awe of him-The Fellow's well bred, he's what you call a-What-d'ye-call-'em. A fine Gentleman, but he's filly withall.

Mira. I thank you, I know as much as my Curiofity requires. Fainall, are you for the Mall?

Fain. Ay, I'll take a Turn before Dinner.

Wit. Ay,we'll all walk in the Park, the Ladies talk'd of being there. Mira. I thought you were oblig'd to watch for your Brother Sir Wilfull's Arrival.

Wit. No, no, he comes to his Aunt's, my Lady Wishfort; pox on him, I fhall be troubled with him too; what fhall I do with the Fool?

Pet. Beg him for his Eftate; that I may beg you afterwards; and fo have but one Trouble with you both.

Let

Wit. O rare Petulant; thou art as quick as a Fire in a frofty Morning; thou shalt to the Mall with us; and we'll be very severe. Pet. Enough, I'm in a Humour to be fevere. Mira. Are you, Pray then walk by your felves, not us be acceffary to your putting the Ladies out of Countenance, with your fenfelefs Ribaldry; which you roar out aloud as often as they pafs by you; and when you have made a handsome Woman blufh, then you think you have been severe.

Pet. What, what? Then let 'em either fhew their Innocence by not understanding what they hear, or elfe fhew their Difcretion by not hearing what they would not be thought to understand.

Mira. But haft not thou then Senfe enough to know that thou ought'st to be most asham'd thy felf, when thou haft put another out of Countenance.

Pet. Not I, by this Hand for a Sign of Guilt, or ill Breeding.

I always take Blushing either

Mira. I confefs you ought to think fo. You are in the right, that you may plead the Error of your Judgment in defence of your Practice.

Where Modefty's ill Manners, 'tis but fit
That Impudence and Malice pafs for Wit.

[Exeunt.

ACT

ACT II

Mrs. Fain.

SCENE I

St. James's Park.

Enter Mrs. Fainall and Mrs. Marwood.

Y, ay, dear Marwood, if we will be happy, we must find the Means in our felves, and among our felves. Men are ever in Extreams, either doating or averfe. While they are Lovers, if they have Fire and Sense, their Jealoufies are infupportable: And when they cease to Love, (we ought to think at least) they loath; they look upon us with Horror and Distaste; they meet us like the Ghofts of what we were, and as fuch fly from us.

Mrs. Mar. True, 'tis an unhappy Circumftance of Life, that Love fhou'd ever die before us, and that the Man so often fhou'd out-live the Lover. But fay what you will, 'tis better to be left, than never to have been lov'd. To pals our Youth in duil Indifference, to refuse the Sweets of Life because they once muft leave us; is as prepofterous, as to wish to have been born Old,* because we one Day must be Old. For my part, my Youth may wear and waste, but it shall never ruft in my Poffeffion.

Mrs. Fain. Then it feems you diffemble an Averfion to Mankind, only in compliance with my Mother's Humour.

Mrs. Mar. Certainly. To be free; I have no Taste of thofe infipid dry Difcourfes, with which our Sex of force muft entertain themselves, apart from Men. We may affect Endearments to each other, profefs eternal Friendships, and seem to dote like Lovers; but 'tis not in our Natures long to persevere. Love will refume his Empire in our Breafts, and every Heart, or soon or late, receive and readmit him as its lawful Tyrant.

Mrs. Fain. Bless me, how have I been deceiv'd! Why you profefs a Libertine.

Mrs. Mar. You fee my Friendfhip by my Freedom. Come, be as fincere, acknowledge that your Sentiments

Mrs. Fain. Never.

Mrs. Mar. You hate Mankind.

Mrs. Fain. Heartily, Inveterately.

Mrs. Mar. Your Husband.

agree with mine.

Mrs. Fain. Moft tranfcendently; ay, tho' I fay it, meritoriously.

Mrs. Mar. Give me your Hand upon it.

Mrs. Fan.

Mrs. Fain. There.

Mrs. Mar. I join with you; what I have said has been to try you.

Mrs. Fain. Is it poffible? Doft thou hate those Vipers Men? Mrs. Mar. I have done hating 'em; and am now come to defpife 'em; the next thing I have to do, is eternally to forget 'em. Mrs. Fain. There spoke the Spirit of an Amazon, a Penthefilea. Mrs. Mar. And yet I am thinking fometimes, to carry my Averfion further.

Mrs. Fain. How?

Mrs. Mar. Faith by Marrying; if I cou'd but find one that lov'd me very well, and would be throughly fenfible of ill Ufage; I think I shou'd do my self the Violence of undergoing the Ceremony.

Mrs. Fain. You would not make him a Cuckold?

Mrs. Mar. No; but I'd make him believe I did, and that's as bad.

Mrs. Fain. Why had not you as good do it?

Mrs. Mar, O if he fhou'd ever discover it, he wou'd then know the worft; and be out of his Pain; but I wou'd have him ever to continue upon the Rack of Fear and Jealoufie.

Mrs. Fain. Ingenious Mischief! Wou'd thou wert married to Mirabell.

Mrs. Mar. Wou'd I were.

Mrs. Fain. You change Colour.

Mrs. Mar. Because I hate him.

Mrs. Fain. So do I, but I can hear him nam'd. But what Reafon have you to hate him in particular?

Mrs. Mar. I never lov'd him; he is, and always was infufferably proud.

Mrs. Fain. By the Reafon you give for your Averfion, one wou'd think it diffembl'd; for you have laid a Fault to his Charge, of which his Enemies must acquit him.

Mrs. Mar. O then it seems you are one of his favourable Enemies. Methinks you look a little pale, and now you flush again. Mrs. Fain. Do I? I think I am a little fick o'the fudden. Mrs. Mar. What ails you?

Mrs. Fain. My Husband. Don't you fee him? He turn'd short upon me unawares, and has almoft overcome me.

Enter Fainall and Mirabell.

Mrs. Mar. Ha, ha, ha, he comes opportunely for you. Mrs. Fain. For you, for he has brought Mirabell with him.

Mrs. Fain. My Soul.

Fain. My Dear.

Fain. You don't look well to Day, Child.
Mrs. Fain. D'ye think fo?

Mira. He is the only Man that do's, Madam.

Mrs. Fain. The only Man that would tell me fo at least? and the only Man from whom I could hear it without Mortification. Fain. O my Dear I am fatisfy'd of your Tenderness, I know you cannot refent any thing from me; efpecially what is an ef fect of my Concern.

Mrs. Fain. Mr. Mirabell, my Mother interrupted you in a pleafant Relation laft Night: I wou'd fain hear it out.

Mira. The Perfons concern'd in that Affair, have yet a tolerable Reputation-I am afraid Mr. Fainall will be Cenforious.

Mrs. Fain. He has a Humour more prevailing than his Curiofity, and will willingly difpence with the hearing of one fcandalous Story, to avoid giving an Occasion to make another by being feen to walk with his Wife. This way Mr. Mirabell, and I dare promise you will oblige us both.

of

[Exeunt Mrs. Fainall and Mirabell. Fain. Excellent Creature! Well fure if I fhou'd live to be rid my Wife, I fhou'd be a miferable Man. Mrs. Mar. Ay!

Fain. For having only that one Hope, the accomplishment of it, of Confequence must put an End to all my Hopes; and what a Wretch is he who muft furvive his Hopes! Nothing remains when that Day comes, but to fit down and weep like Alexander, when he wanted other Worlds to conquer.

Mrs. Mar. Will you not follow 'em?

Fain. Faith, I think not.

Mrs. Mar. Pray let us, I have a Reason.

Fain. You are not Jealous?

Mrs. Mar. Of whom?

Fain. Of Mirabell.

Mrs. Mar. If I am; is it inconfiftent with my Love to fou that I am tender of your Honour &

Fain. You wou'd intimate then,as if there were a fellow-feeling between my Wife and him.

Mrs. Mar. I think he does not hate him to that degree the wou'd

be thought.

Fain. But he, I fear, is too Infenfible.
Mrs. Mar. It may be you are deceiv'd.

Fain.

1