stead of that, in the spring we moved to Rhode-Island, where I soon got into company, and was full of vanity. But my conscience would not let me

After some sore trials and temptations, I was -more comfortable, and had a great desire, I thought, to forsake all sin, and to comply with every commanded duty. I longed to join to the church; but thought I was unworthy. I thought I thirsted for communion with God in the ordinance of the Lord's Supper, and used to think, if I came to that, it would certainly be a restraint upon me, so that I should not dare to sin as others did. And when I stayed to see the ordinance administered, I used to think I could give all this world, I were fit to attend it. My spirit would even sink within me for the longings I had. Sometimes I should weep so that I could not conceal it. One Sabbath, I went to hear Mr. Clap preach at his own house, where I inclined to go constantly; but my parents went to the other meeting, and were not pleased I should go from them: So I went but seldom. But at this time there was a girl of about fourteen years old baptised, which so affected me that I could hardly refrain from crying out in the meeting, when I thought how I had broken the covenant engagements, which my parents had made with God, in my behalf, in my infancy, and so long abused so great a privilege, as being a child of the covenant: And she who had not had so much done for her, should now come to desire it herself! I saw, as I thought, such a beauty in her, that I loved her en

was.

tirely, and wished to be as good as I thought she I made new resolutions to live answerable to the mercies I had received: But being made in my own strength I soon fell again. I thought I trusted in God; and used frequently, in times of trial, to go and pour out my complaints to him, thinking he was my only support. But I dare not now be positive, or really conclude, that I knew what it was to put my trust in God; for my conduct after this seems so inconsistent with grace, that I dare not say I had one spark of it then; but rather think I was only under a common work of the Spirit: Though some times I think I had true grace, though very weak. God only knows how it was.. O that he would enable me now to give diligence to make my calling and election sure, that I may not be deceived in a matter of so great importance. But to go on. After this (0 that with deep humility of soul, with sorrow and shame, I could speak of it) I relapsed again, and was full of vanity. I kept company with a young man, something against my parent's will. But that was owing to false reports raised of him; for at first they liked him. I made resolutions, that, after I was married, I would lead a new life, flattering myself that then I should not have the hindrances which I now had. I used bitterly to reflect upon myself, when I had given myself liberty to be merry; for though I appeared outwardly so, I had no real pleasure: But still put off repentance, or an entire breaking off from vanity, till a more convenient season; and so resisted the Spirit of God, O Lord, how just hadst thou

been, if thou hadst left me entirely to myself! And if thou hadst, nothing would have been too bad for such a vile wretch as I to have committed. But blessed be God, who withheld me from such sins as would have brought me to open justice, and exposed myself and family to shame and disgrace.

In process of time, I was married to Mr. Samuel Wheaton, being in my eighteenth year, October 21, 1731, and went with my husband, the next winter, to see his friends in the country; where I stayed almost five months; and was almost all the time under strong convictions. Oh, how I did sweat and tremble for fear my convictions should wear off again, and plead with God to set home strong convictions, and never, never suffer them to cease, till they ended in a sound and saving conversion; till I knew and was sure that I had a saving interest in Jesus Christ, and was freely forgiven for his sake! And this was the substance of my frequent prayers ever after, when I could pray at all with earnestness; that I might never rest more, till I was sure my peace was made with God."

From this time I had a hope again, at times, that Christ was mine. But it was some years after before it pleased God to answer it fully, by giving me an assurance of it. But then I longed again for the ordinance of the Lord's Supper, though sometimes shocked by that awful text, "He who eateth and drinketh unworthily, eateth and drinketh damnation to himself." But resolved at last, if I lived to get home, I would venture in obedience to the commandment of Christ; and throw myself into

the arms of mercy. I longed to commemorate the death and sufferings of a crucified Jesus. I thought nothing should tempt me to delay any longer. But oh my sinful soul, must I yet add to the number of thy backslidings! Could not the time past suffice, that thou hadst provoked a compassionate God! Was it not enough, and more than enough, that thou hadst rebelled so long against a glorious Christ, and grieved his blessed Spirit! But must I go on again, after such awakenings as these, which one would have thought impossible! But, oh de-ceitful heart, thou didst, thou didst! Lord, I blush and am ashamed, when I remember my notorious ingratitude. O break this heart of flint, dearest Lord, that it may melt into tears of contrition: And never suffer me to forgive myself, because thou hast forgiven me..

After I came home, I met with much affliction in many respects. It seemed to me that the whole world were in arms against me. I thought I was the most despised creature living upon earth. I used to pray to God in secret to relieve me; but did not, as I ought, see his hand in permitting it so to be, as a just punishment for my vile sins: And therefore was not humbled under it as I ought; but let nature rise, and acted very imprudently, in ma- ny respects. I was then with child, and often lamented that I was like to bring a child into such a. world of sorrow: But sometimes found a disposition to dedicate my babe to God, while in the womb; and did so, at all seasons of secret prayer. And, after it was born, my husband being at sea, I could

not rest till I had solemnly given it up to God in baptism. And I thought that I did indeed give up both myself and it to God.

I met with many trials in my lying in, it being an extreme cold season. My child was born on October 27, 1732. The next spring, my husband returned home; but went to sea again, and died abroad in November, 1733. I was then in my twentieth year. The news of my husband's death came to me on the first of the next April. And I was prepared the evening before to receive it, by being uncommonly exercised in my mind about spiritual things: And that text in Hebrews was continually in my thoughts, "How shall we escape, if we neglect so great salvation?" This put me upon pleading with God, that I might not be found among the neglecters of it. I went to bed in a house all alone, my child being at my father's. And about eleven or twelve o'clock at night was awaked to hear the heavy tidings. But God appeared wonderfully for my support. I saw his hand, and was enabled to submit with patience to his will. I daily looked round me, to see how much heavier the hand of God was laid on some others, than it was on me, where they were left with a large number of children, and much involved in debt. And I had but one to maintain; and, though poor, yet not involved. Others, I saw, as well as myself, had their friends snatched from them by sudden accidents. The consideration of these things, together with the thoughts of what I deserved, stilled me so, that though the loss of my