tree, or dormouse curled round in his hole awaiting the return of spring, were frivolous busy coxcombs compared with Mine Uncle Sam, since those animals do caper away the spring and summer, while he might be said to be mentally asleep all the year round. No man ever understood the philosophy of human existence, so far as it is connected with the avoiding every sort of trouble, better than he. To quarrel with such a man was impossible, and I question whether Sir Anthony Absolute could have found a pretext for getting in a passion with one "whose plan" it was never to contradict any one, nor to meddle with any business but his own. As his plan consisted in getting through life with as much enjoyment as possible, he neglected no opportunity of adding to his physical comforts, and if he could be said seriously to study anything, it was his own ease! This was most fully evinced by his house, the interior of which displayed the minutest attention to everything that could conduce to the pampering of what Divines call the old Adam." Without the slightest thought that his wife might one day increase the number of inmates in his house, he chose one whose size was just sufficient to accommodate them (reserving a stateroom for the use of the Baronet his elder Brother, and another for a maiden niece, who constantly resided with them and kept the keys!), took a lease for their joint lives of it, and furnished it with the most scrupulous regard to animal indulgence and fat-oft-reclining laziness, while the kitchen and cellars were gorged with everything that could minister to the gastronomic enjoyments of their owners. Among other advantages derived from his sinecure was the important one of entering anything for his own use into the port of Cork. This was a privilege not to be overlooked by a man of his temperament. The choicest wines from all parts that were celebrated for their productions quickly found their way into his cellars; and a dinner at his house left nothing to be wished for by Apicius himself. As he had, through the kindness of some anonymous friend, come into possession of all the old family pictures, together with a portion of the family plate, and superb mahogany tables, Gothic sideboard, and other costly articles of the Old School, his house exhibited an air of internal comfort and ease that were rarely in those days to be met with out of the mansion of a Nobleman. His wife, although a sensible, truly affectionate, and worthy being, and one whose evenness of temper would have fixed the affections of anything possessing higher qualifications than those of a mere sensualist, perceiving that the table was not the only rival she had in her lord's affections, very few years after marriage came to a strange resolution, in which she obstinately persisted to the day of her death: this was never to enter her bed or bed-chamber during what she called the hours of darkness and infidelity, nor to be seen out of them during the day. Even after the death of her husband, which happened many years after her taking this resolution, she made no alteration in this whimsical arrangement, but still persisted in lying a-bed all day and sitting up all night, until death, which came upon her at a very advanced age, left the chamber at the disposal of some less eccentric Occupant! This lady, however whimsical might appear her conduct at home, never gave the least cause abroad for suspicion that she and her husband were not on the best possible terms. The latter, after the death of the worthy old Alderman-the piquancy of whose table had brought about the marriage of his niece with Mine Uncle Sam-never resided at home except during the Cork Assizes, when he used to resort to his own residence, as it would seem, purely for the purpose of entertaining those who were brought by the Courts into the city of Cork. My great aunt always presided at her husband's table on those festive occasions, and his uncle, Lord M-, never failing to send him a fat buck every Summer Assizes, his board was plentifully supplied with venison, while his own boat-men had especial orders to procure from the turbot-bank the piscatory part of the feast. With this it may readily be believed, that, as all the other preparations were upon the same scale, Deborah-the most superexcellent hen-cook by the way that ever flourished a gridiron or set eels to dance in a frying pan !— lacked not for employment. With all this devotion to his own ease and physical enjoyments, he was nevertheless not unmindful of the future welfare of his capricious helpmate, the interest of whose dower, amounting to £200 per annum, he had never appropriated to himself, but, on the contrary, settled upon her the life possession of the proceeds of his own patrimony, which amounted to £300 more. (This last-named property, by the way, was all that remained to him out of the wreck of the family possessions.) His situation in the port of Cork carrying with it the privilege of landing whatever he thought proper free of all duty and excise, the choicest wines and liqueurs were quaffed at his table with a profusion to support which would have demanded far ampler means than those he possessed had it not been for this privilege. The consequence of those domestic arrangements was, that his table was eagerly sought by the most distinguished characters whom either business or pleasure brought to the county-town. Many of these, I doubt not, would have been well contented had the Assizes continued all the year round. Of one thing I am very certain, that none ever left him but with regret, nor revisited him without delight. His manner of carving a haunch was peculiar to himself, being after a fashion that allowed of the separation of the flesh from the bone without permitting the escape of one single drop of what physicians designate the animal juices, but cooks and aldermen are agreed to call gravy. This consisted in cutting the joint in a spiral form, commencing at a point in the middle of the top surface. As this aperture increased in diameter, it formed a basin in the centre precisely over the Alderman's walk! This was kept continually fed by the streams which poured down from under the well-directed knife of Mine Uncle Sam, who, as he observed the luscious juice collecting in its carneous reservoir, would turn round to his next neighbour, and with an eye beaming with hospitality and self-satisfaction, would quietly reiterate his favorite phrase, "That's my plan." No man was ever more regular than he in all his movements. The wise man of Shirac hath told us "that there is a time for all things:" but Mine Uncle Sam improved upon his maxim; for, according to "his plan," everything should have its time. In accordance with this principle, he never either forgot or neglected anything; and the mere matter of moonshine, the moment it was resolved on, had its stated time for management equally with the matter of moment. His life was consequently as regulated as the movements of a clock; and his friends, of whom the number was by no means small, knew precisely the moment of his arrival and that of his departure, and never failed to make their arrangements accordingly, his lore in gastronomy being as acknowledged as it was unrivalled. Even that sulkiest of all functionaries, when interfered with in the exercise of her avocations, the cook to wit (for knights of the frying-pan in Paddy-land were like comets in those days), stood mute and attentive in the presence of my worthy Uncle, and followed with all possible docility and minuteness his sage directions with regard to the stuffing and corning* of geese, and the interment of veal+, never failing to observe all the directions relative to the precise time at which the said dainties were to make their appearance in public, fully aware as she was that the punctual old Gentleman, "like him who went into a far country," would not fail to return at the time specified to demand an account of the task which he had committed to her charge. In illustration of this, divers and manifold instances might be adduced, in which, after having given directions for the interment of a loin of veal for three weeks, he has been seen on the twenty-second day quietly driving up to the house in his sulky just at half-past five, when the first dinner-bell was ringing! The extreme suavity of his manners and joyous open-heartedness of his disposition rendered his society equally desirable by the young and the old, and whithersoever he went, he was sure to meet with an equally kind reception from the staid father of sixty and the hairbrained stripling of sixteen. After the delights consequent upon the movements of the masticatory muscles, his next greatest enjoyments arose from the sports of the field and their pursuit. He devoted no inconsiderable portion of every day to the care of his dogs, cocks, and horses; for the former of which he had the reputation of possessing the best breed in the British dominions; and as to his Spanish pointers, although they were more killing dogs than the splendid breed of Sir Hugh O'Reilly, still I recollect, that after considerable persuasion my father prevailed upon the old Gentleman very shortly before his death, and when Sir Hugh had his dogs with the regiment in Cork, to cross the strain, the result of which I myself greatly profited by; for, on breaking up my establish This is a great délice if properly corned; whereas, if corned or salted in the usual way a shoulder of mutton is done, it becomes a dry insipid affair. Get a couple of quarts of pickle, after Pocock's Dr. Kitchiner's receipt for making pickle, strong enough to float an egg; procure one of those jars in which the grapes come over from Portugal, with wide mouth; clean your goose well, ram him in, and fill up with pickle, and close hermetically with a piece of bladder: in ten or twelve days he will be perfect to boil and eat with a puré des onions, stewed parsnips, or savoys. †This is a great dish among rich Quakers on feast days; and I have eaten with some of their notables a loin after being six weeks under ground. I rather think Sam got it from some of the Hoares of Lombard Street, who are descended from Joseph Hoare, a second branch of his family, and who was a Quaker.— Choose a fine loin of veal, and whilst quite fresh sew it up in a napkin, and put it into a basket as long as the loin: bury it in the garden two feet under ground. When roasted (but not over-roasted), there must be but one-third of the melted butter usually put into the dish, for on the first cut that is made anywhere into the loin, the dish will be filled with the most delicious gravy, and the meat will melt in the mouth like marrow. ment in Ireland in 1809, I sold my dogs for a great deal more than I sold my horses, after giving to my brother, a regular Sporting Parson, the sire and mother of the breed. But to return to Mine Uncle Sam. In nothing was his determined love of ease and utter abhorrence for everything in the shape of trouble more completely manifested than in his costume, which he never on any account varied, but continued to wear the same morning dress for some fifty-five or sixty years, in open defiance and contempt of all changes and innovations of fashion: and although scrupulously neat and respectable in his appearance, Mine Uncle Sam never expended more than £10 per annum on his toilette. The hatter fared still worse with him than the tailor; as he never wore any other coiffure than a velvet hunting-cap, from beneath which figured a huge longtailed wig, three rows of curls at the sides, and otherwise arranged with as scrupulous attention and precision as ever was bestowed by the worthy Corporal when preparing Uncle Toby for his attack on the Widow Wadman, fancying always to yourself, gentle reader, Mine Uncle Sam six-feet-two in his vamps. His ordinary dress (quere extra ?) consisted in a green velvet hunting-coat, the green of which was relieved by large silver buttons something less in size than a crown piece, upon which were embossed his favorite animal, a pointer dog; tan-colored leathers and gaiters; with a yellow doe-skin waistcoat, with sleeves of the same, and small silver buttons with a game-cock embossed thereon and I have often listened to him on a hot summer's day out partridge-shooting, when, throwing off the old velvet, and exhibiting to our view the buff cocking-waistcoat, "That's my plan, Joe, my lad; I wish you had a yellow-boy in your pocket for every main I fought and won in this garb." On gala occasions this costume was exchanged for one of finer materials. The coat, instead of being cut straight and to close in front, was sloped away to discover his nether garment, which buckled at the knee, and was of rich black satin. The leg stood indebted to the silkworm for its covering, and the whole paraphernalia ended in shoes of unexceptionable polish (thanks to that non-such Dennis), secured by brilliant diamond buckles. To this costume of his own choosing he was so attached, that I would not have answered for the personal safety of whomsoever should have thought fit to criticise it, since the old Gentleman, although he never was in a passion with any one, might have found it quite compatible with "his plan" to hold out a Spanish barrel in its defence. His mode of travelling was in perfect keeping with all his other most original habits, being calculated to secure himself as much bodily ease as possible, the only vehicle which he ever possessed being made so as precisely to fit its occupant. The body of this machine was of cane, and semicircular shape, and, with its well-padded cushions of green morocco-leather, was of all possible conveyances the nearest approaching to an easy chair. Under the seat was a leathern trunk corresponding in shape to the body of the carriage, and which contained the whole of Mine Uncle Sam's wardrobe! The conveyance was set in motion by a single horse, who, like his master, made his appearance both summer and winter arrayed in green, a silk net of that color being considered by the driver as indispensable a part of the harness as the bridle itself. This singular equipage was rendered still more remarkable by the dog-cart which invariably followed it (for Sam clung to the old adage, "love me, love my dog," and he never went any where without them), and seemed to form part and parcel thereof, like the tassel which moves in the rear of a school-boy's kite. In this latter vehicle were deposited his trusty man-servant Dennis, some three or four brace of his most favorite pointers, and all the necessary apparatus for the destruction of game and bamboozling of fish. The only thing in which it differed from its precursor was in its being constructed for the accommodation of more animals than one, the body being, like the former, of cane, and set in motion by one single quadruped. As both master and man entertained a sincere regard for each other, the greatest possible harmony subsisted between them. Having begun life together, they were intimately acquainted with each other's peculiarities, and the bond of fidelity on the one part, and kindness as well as protection on the other, remained unbroken until death. JOURNAL OF SPORT IN THE WEST. DECEMBER. December comes in with the morning of May; Friday, 2.-Mr. Bulteel's hounds met at Erme-bridge. THE PROLOGUE. Thus spake hight Sir Thomas before he went out : THE WARNING. "Ware Darsetshire gins! ware vomica nux! Ware in-lying does! ware out-lying bucks! Ware cry of hark over!' when you sniff at the banks! VOL. I.-THIRD SERIES, N. S.-No. 2. |