All actors should study what folks call the graces— That's the twist of their legs, and the set of their faces: But for gracefully using their arms my advice is, They, like C saw the air, as it were, into slices. Tol de rol, &c. Some will tell you, "be calm;" but, in spite of their cant, And their critical jargon, strut, bellow, and rant: To bamboozle the flats and to keep them from snoring, But in speeches which, teeming with passion, require All an E -'s spirit, a K -'s own fire, If you'd hope H———————— S- ——— to equal in fame, You, like him, must be lifeless, insipid, and tame. Some critics assert (but I stoutly dispute it), Tol de rol, &c. That each word stands in need of an action to suit it :- Like M or D Tol de rol, &c. when playing the clown, Always garnish the author's with wit of your own: Tol de rol, &c. [Exit First Actor. Enter HORATIO. Hamlet. Horatio, is that you? I'm glad to meet you. Horatio. My honour'd lord, most proud am I to greet you. Hamlet. Horatio, you're as tight a lad, I say, As one may meet with in a summer's day. (e) Horatio. Come, that won't do, my lord: mon. (ƒ) He's throwing out a sprat to catch a salmon. Hamlet. now that's all gam [Aside. Sir, if you think it gammon, you mistake me; No, let him cringe who hopes to mend his gains; I should but get my labour for my pains. Since I could tell a dray-horse from a poney, (g) I've fix'd on you, Horatio, for my croney: You're ne'er down-hearted; fortune's freaks you smother, And when she slaps one cheek, you hold up t'other. Give me the man that stands all sorts of weather, And we shall soon be hand and glove together. Something too much of this. Your lordship sent for me? Horatio. Pray what's the reason Hamlet. To smoke out treason. You must with me in a good joke unite: We have pic-nic theatricals to-night: A pantomimic ballet I intend To represent my dad's untimely end. To do't in style I've made great preparations- I'll bet a wager he'll convict himself; If not, this spectre is a lying elf, And I have all this time been drunk or dreaming. My lord, we will. Horatio. [Flourish of Trumpets and Drums. Hamlet. This trumpeting and drumming Give notice that the King and Queen are coming, To keep the joke up I must idle be; Go to your place, and keep a seat for me. A GRAND MARCH. Enter POLONIUS, KING, QUEEN, OPHELIA, Rosencrantz, GUILDENSTERN, OSRICK, MARCELLUS, BERNARDO, GENTLEMEN, and LADIES. How fares our cousin Hamlet? King. Hamlet. Tightly, tightly; I eat the air-You can't feed pigs so lightly. (To Pol.) You told me, Sir, you acted once at college. Polonius. I acted Cæsar-Brutus laid me lower. Hamlet. A brute, indeed, to kill so great a bore! Queen. Come, sit by me, dear Hamlet, whilst they're acting. Hamlet. I'd rather not; here's metal more attracting. (To Ophelia) Ophelia, may I lie upon your knees? Ophelia. O, surely; or wherever else you please. Hamlet. Look at mamma-She's grinning, by the pow'rs, Two months. Ophelia. Hamlet. So long? Nay then I'll turn the tables; The deuce take black; I'll have a suit of sables. Ophelia. Pray, what's the play, my Lord? Hamlet. I've ne'er a bill; I cannot tell; but that rum jockey will. THE CURTAIN RISES. Enter 2d ACTOR as Prologue. For us, and for our pantomime, We beg you'll give us grace and time (b). [Exit. |