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Proved It MISSING her two-year
old, the mother went to look for him and found the youngster in the kitchen on the Hoor by the coalscuttle, carefully wiping a piece of coal with his little white handkerchief.
“Cleanin' toal, mamma," he explained.
“Why, Sonny, come away from there! You can't clean coal.”
“Yes, mamma. See?" showing the blackened handkerchief. “All comin' off; all black comin' off.”
Deferring to the Gentle Sex
returning from a lecture at a hall in Wilkes-Barre,
when one of them, after a RB.FULLER thoughtful pause, said:
"Say, Henry, I don't see no necessity of bringing fel
lers all the way from Phila“Yes, Willie, he uses 'em to kill Germans
delphia to teach us about with in case of an attack from th' rear.”
manners in the home. We ain't so bad as that feller
made out." Looked Like a Doctor to Him
“Of course we ain't,” assented Henry. WHILE at the training-camp at Fort Not by a whole lot,” went on the first.
Logan, Captain F- of the Medical “I never swears before my wife" Corps one day, watching field drill, noticed “I don't, either," interrupted the other. a new recruit of a rather verdant appear "I always says, ladies first!" ance also watching the maneuvers and leaning against a donkey for support. As the animal showed an inclination to move, the
Congratulations! young fellow lazily threw an arm around its A KIND-HEARTED officer, giving up his neck.
berth in the railway sleeper to an old Amused at the recruit's attitude, the cap lady, stepped out to have a smoke. As a tain inquired, in a jocular tone: “Why are result he lost the train, whereupon he teleyou sticking so closely to your brother, my graphed to his wife: friend? Are you afraid he will desert?”
"Lost train, having just given berth to an “No," came the quiet an
old lady.” swer; “I'm afraid he will enlist in the Medical Corps."
BIG BROTHER: “Come on away, Roger-we all should do something for the soldiers these days." Desperate
Her Version of It FOUR-YEAR-OLD Charlotte was dining MRS. SCHWARTZ was trying to overcome
with her mother at the home of a woman the effects of too much corned beef and who was much given to talking, and who in cabbage by vigorous calisthenic exercises. relating some interesting incidents quite for Her instructor, observing that she was very got to give the little girl anything to eat. warm, apologized for going too rapidly from
The child waited patiently for a time, one exercise to another, and said, sympathetithen, with sobs rising in her throat, held her cally: plate as high as she could and said:
"Why, you are all perspiration!” “Does anybody want a clean plate?” “Unt svet, too,” agreed Mrs. Schwartz.
In Plain Sight Honest A FORMAL, fashionable caller addressed WILLIE, STONE had been sent on an
errand to the home of the rich Mr. a very little girl: “How are you, my dear?'
Lott. He returned with the astonishing news “Very well, thank you,” returned the
that Mr. Lott was going blind. child.
“What makes you think that?” his father
asked. “Now, my dear, you should ask me how I
“The way he talked,” said Willie. “When am.” “But I don't want to know?" the child
I went into the room where he wanted to replied, honestly, but unexpectedly.
see me, he said, 'Boy, where is hat?'
your and there it was on my head all the time!"
Out of Abundant Caution WITH an air of great importance the small A CLUBMAN tells of a young friend of his,
boy of a Sunday-school in Belfast im a very methodical youth recently graduparted this happy fact to his teacher: ated from a Northern university, who, upon
“The devil is dead,” he said, solemnly. setting up his own establishment, undertook
“What makes you think that?" asked the to look after his own domestic affairs. startled teacher.
“As an evidence of his orderly nature,” “Dad said so," exclaimed the boy. “I says the clubman, “I offer this: desiring to was standing in the street with him yester mark his laundry for purposes of identificaday when a funeral passed, and when dad saw tion, he inscribed his name on one piece it he said, 'Poor devil! He's dead!”
and marked the others ‘ditto."
The Best Policy "WELL, Henry,” said
the judge, “I see you are in trouble again!”
“Yessuh,” replied the negro. “De las' time, Jedge, you rec'lect, you was mah lawyuh.'
“Where is your lawyer this time?”
"I’ain't got no lawyuh dis time," said Henry. “Ah's gwine to tell de troof.”
As Grown-ups Should ELEANOR, Robert
and Sidney, aged eight, six, and five, respectively, were standing on the front piazza one Sunday afternoon just before Big Brotherto-be Jack left for “some
where in France." PRFULLER, It was perforce a sol
emn moment in the life of the family, and it was
Sidney who sobbed: Native: “Some fight, eh, stranger? One's our village paci “Oh, please don't let's fist and other's a conscientious objector."
talk about the horrid warany longer. It makes
me awful 'fraid.” “All That Goes Up Must Come Down" “Aw, say,” boomed Robert, "I just wisht AN N old lady who was riding on a street-car
I was big enough to go. I'd kill the Germans, in a small Ohio town was fascinated by the
I would.” behavior of the conductor. Every time the
But Eleanor shook her head. “It's all conductor collected a fare he would throw right,” she said, turning to her mother, "for the nickel up to the ceiling of the car, catch
the children to talk that way, but there's it, and put it into his pocket. Finally his really only one thing for us to do. If you'll actions so aroused her curiosity that when excuse me, I'll just go up-stairs and do a he returned through the car past her seat,
little praying." she grabbed his sleeve and inquired why he tossed the coins into the air.
Why Should She Have? Laughing, he replied: “Well, madam, it's ONE of the girls in a cooking-class was this way. There's only one car on this line asked if she washed fish before baking and I took the job on commission, so when I them. throw the nickels up all that land on the “No. What's the use?” was the reply: bell-cord go to the company, and all that “They have lived in water all their lives." come down I get."
THERE was recently hailed into court a LITTLE Dorothy's uncles are both at the small Irishman to whom it was a new
war and she has a great admiration for experience. But he was unabashed. soldiers. The other day in a crowded street ‘Prisoner at the bar,” called out the clerk, car she was sitting on her mother's lap when 'do you wish to challenge any of the jury?" a wounded soldier entered. Dorothy imme “Well,” returned the Irishman, "oi'm not diately slipped to the floor.
exactly in trainin', but oi think oi could go “Here, Soldy,” she offered, "you can sit a round or two with that fat guy in the on mamma's lap.”