The Friends' Library

Quakers; and he was determined I should meeting-house. O! the peace I was favoured quit his house that day week, and turn out to feel, and which continued for some time; amongst those with whom I had joined myself in profession.

but I found by experience, to my great sorrow, that satan can transform himself into an anHaving no place in prospect, and but little gel of light; and when he cannot effect his means to support myself, this was a time of evil purpose, by causing us to lag behind, he close proving. But He who cares for the very will then try us, by endeavouring to hurry us sparrows, notwithstanding I had brought my- on before our good Guide. Some time after self into this strait, partly through my shun- my first appearance in the evening meeting at ning the cross, in his unmerited mercy looked the Park, I ventured on my feet, and after I down upon me. I opened my situation to had expressed a few words, I found myself Margaret Bell, a member of Devonshire-house embarrassed and took my seat. Gladly would Monthly Meeting, who afterwards became a I have left the meeting, concluding all eyes nursing mother to me, and by whose exertions were upon me; but this I found I must not do, a situation was procured for me to enter upon, whatever my sufferings might be. After the the day I was to leave my parents' home. plungings I had to pass through, by night and This was at a banking-house in Lombard street, by day, for this misstep, my Divine Master, where most of the clerks were in membership who knew the sincerity of my heart, had with Friends, and where I entertained a hope compassion upon me, and was pleased to say, of being more secure and out of the way of " It is enough." I did not venture to express much temptation. But, alas! I soon found anything in meetings for a great length of my mistake, and that no situation was safe time; and when I again apprehended it was without the daily unremitting watch was main- required of me so to do, the unguarded step I tained; for it was evident that very few of my had before taken greatly increased my diffinew companions, were acquainted with that culty. inward work I so much longed after an increase of; many of them being as much given up to the world, and its delusive pleasures, as other professors of the Christian name.

My mind became uncomfortable respecting part of the business which it fell to my lot to transact, having to purchase lottery tickets for country correspondents, and other matters that For want of keeping steadily on the watch, I felt a scruple against, which again brought I had nearly made shipwreck of faith. But, me under exercise, lest I should be involved oh! the mercy of that God who sought me, in fresh difficulties, not knowing what to turn snatched me again as a brand out of the burn- my hand to, in order to get a living in as reing, and opened mine ear to his counsel, point-spectable a way as that I was now in. But ing out to me the need of increasing circum- as I became willing to seek and become subspection. Although my new situation, amongst ject to Divine direction, in a matter of such professors with the Society of Friends, where I was not known, lessened my difficulty in using the plain language, and not using vain compliments, yet when I fell in the way of my relations and former acquaintance, my difficulty continued great; and when unfaithful, suffering the slavish fear of man to lord over me, I was sensible of inward weakness, causing the hands to hang down and the knees to smite together, in consequence of the withdrawing of the quickening influence of the Spirit and power of Christ.

My mind was exercised with a belief, that if I continued faithful to Divine requiring, a gift in the ministry would be committed to my charge. Earnest were my secret cries, in meetings and out of meetings, for Divine preservation in this awful work; to be kept from running before I was sent, and of over-staying the right time when the command was clearly and distinctly heard, "Go forth." About the twenty-fourth year of my age my mouth was first opened in a few words, at a meeting then held every fifth-day evening, in the Park

moment as the changing of my present situation, patiently waiting on this Divine Counsellor, I clearly saw I must settle down to that manner of getting my livelihood which Truth pointed out to me. One first-day, when it was my turn to keep house, my mind became deeply exercised with the subject of a change, accompanied with earnest prayer that the Lord would be pleased to direct me. In mercy he heard my cries, and answered my supplications, pointing out to me the business I was to pursue, as intelligibly to the ear of my soul, as ever words were expressed to my outward ear,―That I must be willing to learn the trade of a shoemaker. This unexpected intimation at first involved me in great distress of mind; first, from my time of life to learn the trade, and then the little probability of being soon able to earn as much as would afford me necessaries; as my salary was small, and I was obliged to make a respectable appearance, I had not been able to save much money. After giving the subject due consideration, and calling to mind my frequent supplications to be

rightly directed in this matter; at a suitable house, where I got such a meal as I had fortime I acquainted my employers with my ap-merly been accustomed to. Sitting constantly prehended duty in quitting their service.

on the seat at work was hard for me, so that I might say, I worked hard and fared hard. My friends manifested a fear my health would suffer; but I soon became reconciled to the change in my diet, as did also my constitution. My countenance, some of my friends would tell me, reminded them of the pulse. Dan. ch. i.

Although this step afforded me relief, yet the prospect of making such a change, and the remarks I should expose myself to, was humiliating. I thought I might conclude the bitterness of death was gone by, when I had informed my employers of my intention; but, alas! how little do we know about the future. After I had been under the care of my inMy parents' displeasure, which had a little structer about eighteen months, his health so subsided, was again awakened, and threatened declined that he was frequently unequal to pay to be more violent than ever. Notwithstand- much attention to me; but I had by this time ing my employers were silent, on my giving made considerable proficiency in my new them the information, yet the subject obtained calling. In awhile it appeared better for me their deliberation. Friends, who I believe to free myself from my instructer, and begin had my welfare at heart, were diverse in their as a master for myself, having offers of plenty sentiments respecting my proposed change. of employment from such who could make When the time was come for my employers allowances for one who had only newly ensetting me at liberty, they put me off; and tered into such an engagement. I therefore divers Friends had conversation with me, if took lodgings in the city, beginning business possible to prevent my prosecuting the object with my small capital of the few shillings I now in view, which I wished to consider rather had yet left, always getting pay for my work as a mark of their kindness, than from a de- as I carried it home. In time, and by dint of sire to lead me into perplexity, which I believe application, under the Lord's helping hand, would have been the case, had I not been pre- who I believe pointed out for me the path I served near to my good Guide. After being was treading, I became equal to manage a put off from time to time by my employers, business of more extent. and continuing to hear the various sentiments After I had been settled in my new situation of Friends on the occasion, my dear and a few months, my prospects began to be very valued friend and mother in Christ, Margaret discouraging. From the declining state of my Bell, expressed herself in a way that gave a health, I was unable to give my business the spur to my diligence in procuring my liberty.attention it called for. My debility so in"The diversity of sentiments abroad, amongst Friends," said she, "on thy intended change of employ, without great care, seems to be likely to involve thee in perplexity; and therefore I am for leaving thee to the great Master's guidance."

creased, that the doctors recommended my leaving London altogether; the thoughts of doing which, and having new connexions to seek, was a fresh trial of my faith; but as my health continued to get worse, I concluded I had no alternative; I therefore turned my atMy employers finding that I was firm in my tention to Tottenham, where there was a large intention, liberated me; and I entered into an body of Friends. I left London accordingly. agreement with a man in the borough, to in- After a few months my health improved, and struct me in the working part of shoemaking, my prospects began to brighten; but above with measuring and cutting out; for which I all other favours, I esteemed the evidence I was to give him more than half of my small was favoured with, that this was my right savings. Yet I trusted that if I kept close to place of settlement. Thus does our almighty my good Guide in my future steppings, he Care-taker, as we are willing to become subwould so direct me, that time would evince to ject to his control and government, lead us my friends I had not been deceived in the step about, and in various ways instruct us, by I had taken. The billows, at times, would sickness and by health, crosses and disaprise very high one after another; yet, to my pointments, that we of ourselves are poor, humbling admiration, I had to acknowledge, feeble, fallible mortals, wholly at the disposal to the praise of that Power, which I believed of his turning and overturning hand. When had led me into this tribulated path, that they I became able to give proper attention to my all passed over me. My little surplus of mo- business, I found my London connexions were ney wasted fast, and my earnings were very desirous to employ me, and the two Friends' small, not allowing me, for the first twelve schools at Tottenham were also kindly dismonths, more than bread, cheese and water, posed towards me; which threw so much and sometimes bread only, to keep clear of business into my hands that I was soon under debt, which I carefully avoided. On first the necessity of employing two journeymen; days I was frequently invited to a Friend's and I was favoured to give so much satisfacVOL. III.-No. 3. 11

tion to my employers, that they promoted my interest.

Believing it would be to my advantage every way to change my condition in life, I besought the Lord to guide me by his counsel in taking this momentous step; and I thought I had good ground to believe he was pleased to grant my request, and point out to me one who was to be my companion for life, Mary Pace, a virtuous woman of honest parents, to whom I made proposals of marriage; and in the seventh month, 1778, we were united in that solemn covenant.

About the year 1790, an apprehension took hold of my mind, that it was required of me to be willing to leave my family and outward concerns, to engage in the Lord's work; which, if I gave up to and was liberated by my friends, would be likely to take me a considerable time from home. This was a fresh trial of my faith in the all-sufficiency of that Power, who, when he calls forth, can not only qualify for the work, but amply care for those left behind. My wife's time was fully occupied in attending to her little family, as we kept no servant, and she was also unacquainted with the management of business. I had none I could leave in the charge of mine but a man who had acted as an assistant to me, and had forfeited his membership on account of unsteady conduct, so that it would seem very little dependence was to be placed upon him. I found the enemy began to be very busy, endeavouring to take advantage of me, and to sap the foundation of my confidence in the never-failing arm of Divine Power. When the concern was afresh brought before the view of my mind, and I endeavoured after a willingness, satan was also present with me, to magnify my difficulties, by laying before I believed it to be my duty to exert myself me the want of qualification in this man to in arranging and settling my outward conmanage my concerns, and that should he ne- cerns, under an assurance, that if I did my glect to make my shop properly secure at part herein faithfully, nothing would be wantnight, robbers would have easy access to my ing on the part of my Divine Care-taker. I property, the loss of which might involve me left home on seventh-day, the second of third in great difficulty the remainder of my days. month, 1791; my kind friends William ForsNor was it likely this man would have much ter and Wilson Birkbeck accompanying me as authority over the rest of my journeymen, for far as Stansted, in Essex. I lodged this night by this time I had several men in my employ, at the house of William Grover, and on firstwho, when I was at home, would at times ne-day morning attended meeting here. My heart glect their work, and it seemed to me they was brought under exercise on account of would be more likely to do so in my absence. some, who, if my feelings were correct, were My wife and children also claimed all the at- satisfying themselves with mourning over their tention I could spare from my business: and weakness, instead of rightly seeking for help when the concern was brought into view, and to overcome those things which caused the my mind exercised that if it was a Divine re-hands to hang down. After dinner I rode to quiring, I might be strengthened faithfully the house of James Wright, and found his to give up to it, then these discouragements family with a few others sitting in silence; came in like a flood, so that my plungings this proved a time in which a little strength were almost more than I was able to bear. I was handed to my needy soul. Second-day was one day tempted to come to the conclu-morning reached Wells in time for their

under a hope of being in my right place.

Monthly Meeting: that for worship as well as and family was made easy to me. First-day that for discipline were to me seasons of deep morning I was at Kelvedon meeting; and in the inward exercise. I trust I am safe in saying, afternoon the general meeting at Colne, which I endeavoured to labour honestly with the was largely attended; and, I trust, an edifying members. Fourth-day attended Monthly Meet-meeting to many, and my mind was comforted ing at Lynn, which was small. Some of our little company appeared to be bound to the testimonies we have to bear, and Gospel order was in a good degree maintained. Proceeded to Norwich, and was at the evening meeting; where I was favoured to have a morsel of that bread which alone can nourish the soul, and support it under its exercises, for Zion's sake; for which favour I hope I felt truly thankful. First-day attended meeting at Yarmouth, and on second-day their select meeting; after which the Monthly Meeting was held, which was large, and the business conducted in a good degree of brotherly condescension.

Third-day we returned to Norwich, and on fourth-day attended Monthly Meeting, where I informed Friends of my apprehension of duty to visit the families of both members and attenders of meeting in the city, and a committee was appointed to assist, as occasion might require. In this service I was engaged about six weeks, and had about sixty-six sittings; during which, such were my hidden conflicts, that I was at times nearly ready to desert the field of labour; but being preserved in patience, willing to do or suffer all the Lord's will, the retrospect afforded peace, and proved a fresh incitement to persevere in the path of duty, until the portion of labour allotted in this part of the vineyard was fully accomplished. I next proceeded to Wymondham Monthly Meeting, the business of which, according to the view given me, was conducted in a dry, formal way. I think I never found it more trying to obtain relief to my own mind than at this time. Here ended my service in this Quarterly Meeting; and now, feeling my way clear to return home, I proceeded to Kelvedon.

On second-day I was favoured to reach my own home in the evening, where I found my family well, and my outward concerns in as good order as if I had taken the management of them the whole of the time. After such demonstrations of the superintending care of the Most High, what must be the sad conscquences of unfaithfulness to Divine requir ings, should it in a future day mark my footsteps!

At the Yearly Meeting this year, a committee was appointed to visit some members of our religious Society at Dunkirk, in France, who had emigrated from Nantucket and New Bedford, in North America. Whilst the appointment was in progress, my mind was impressed with an apprehension, that it would be right for me to offer myself as one of the committee; but I suffered the appointment to close without doing so. The committee was left so far under the care of the Meeting for Sufferings, as to have the power to add to it, any Friend who might feel a concern, with the consent of his own Monthly Meeting, to join it. The subject continuing to press with increasing weight on my mind, I informed my Monthly Meeting; which furnished me with a minute of its concurrence, and this being presented to the Meeting for Sufferings, that meeting set me at liberty to join the committee, in the eighth month, 1792. The committee met at Dover, and being joined by a committee appointed by the Quarterly Meeting of Kent, engaged the packet for Calais. On sixth-day morning, the wind being favourable, we set sail; but after about two hours, a calm took place, in consequence of which we did not reach Calais harbour before the gates were

In the course of conversation in the even-shut, and no admittance could be obtained ing, mention was made of a general meeting to be held at Colne on first-day, which fastened on my mind, and brought me again into bonds; but such was my desire to reach home as speedily as well could be, that I strove to get from under the weight of it. Next morning we set off; but the further we proceeded, the more my suffering of mind increased. Thus the mercy of the Most High follows us; notwithstanding we rebel, still he gives us proof that he wills not the death of him that dieth. I could no longer conceal my situation from my companion, wherefore we parted; he proceeding towards London, and I returning to Kelvedon. When my will had thus far become subject, my detention from my home

until the next morning. Having cast anchor, the keepers of the houses of entertainment outside the walls came on board our packet, and pressed us much to go ashore, against which we were strongly advised, and therefore concluded to get what sleep we could on board. The next morning a boat was engaged for us, on board of which we went about nine o'clock, and reached Dunkirk in the evening, and were kindly received by Friends there. First-day, a few of the town's people gave us their company, both in the morning and afternoon meeting, and behaved quietly. Second-day morning the joint-committee sat down together, and concluded it would be proper to visit the families, which accordingly took place. After

tion to my employers, that they promoted my interest.

gible as ever I heard words spoken to my outward ear,-"I will be more than bolts and bars to thy outward habitation-more than a master to thy servants, for I can restrain their wandering minds-more than a husband to thy wife, and a parent to thy infant children." At this, the knife I was using fell out of my hand; and I no longer dared to hesitate, after such a confirmation. I therefore resolved, if the concern continued with me, and it should appear the right time, to lay it before the next Monthly Meeting. In the twelfth month, 1790, I laid the concern before my friends, to visit the Monthly Meetings of Norfolk, and families of Friends in the city of Norwich, which appeared to obtain the solid deliberation of the meeting; and at the next Monthly Meeting a certificate was ordered to be prepared for me.

sion, that let the consequences be what they might, I must give up all prospects of ever moving in this engagement; but He who knew the sincerity of my heart, did not leave me in this season of extremity, to become a prey to the adversary of souls, but in his unmerited mercy had compassion on me. One day, when I was standing cutting out work for my men, my mind being under the weight of the concern, these discouragements again presented themselves, if possible, with double force; but in adorable mercy, I was so brought under the calming influence of Divine help, as About the year 1790, an apprehension took I had not often, if ever before, known. And hold of my mind, that it was required of me as I became willing to yield to it, the power to be willing to leave my family and outward of the mighty God of Jacob was mercifully concerns, to engage in the Lord's work; which, manifest, subduing the influence and power of if I gave up to and was liberated by my the adversary; holding out for my acceptance friends, would be likely to take me a consi-this encouraging promise, which was addressed derable time from home. This was a fresh to my inward hearing, in a language as intellitrial of my faith in the all-sufficiency of that Power, who, when he calls forth, can not only qualify for the work, but amply care for those left behind. My wife's time was fully occupied in attending to her little family, as we kept no servant, and she was also unacquainted with the management of business. I had none I could leave in the charge of mine but a man who had acted as an assistant to me, and had forfeited his membership on account of unsteady conduct, so that it would seem very little dependence was to be placed upon him. I found the enemy began to be very busy, endeavouring to take advantage of me, and to sap the foundation of my confidence in the never-failing arm of Divine Power. When the concern was afresh brought before the view of my mind, and I endeavoured after a willingness, satan was also present with me, to magnify my difficulties, by laying before me the want of qualification in this man to manage my concerns, and that should he neglect to make my shop properly secure at night, robbers would have easy access to my property, the loss of which might involve me in great difficulty the remainder of my days. Nor was it likely this man would have much authority over the rest of my journeymen, for by this time I had several men in my employ, who, when I was at home, would at times neglect their work, and it seemed to me they would be more likely to do so in my absence. My wife and children also claimed all the attention I could spare from my business: and when the concern was brought into view, and my mind exercised that if it was a Divine requiring, I might be strengthened faithfully to give up to it, then these discouragements came in like a flood, so that my plungings were almost more than I was able to bear. I was one day tempted to come to the conclu

I believed it to be my duty to exert myself in arranging and settling my outward concerns, under an assurance, that if I did my part herein faithfully, nothing would be wanting on the part of my Divine Care-taker. I left home on seventh-day, the second of third month, 1791; my kind friends William Forster and Wilson Birkbeck accompanying me as far as Stansted, in Essex. I lodged this night at the house of William Grover, and on firstday morning attended meeting here. My heart was brought under exercise on account of some, who, if my feelings were correct, were satisfying themselves with mourning over their weakness, instead of rightly seeking for help to overcome those things which caused the hands to hang down. After dinner I rode to the house of James Wright, and found his family with a few others sitting in silence; this proved a fime in which a little strength was handed to my needy soul. Second-day morning reached Wells in time for their

« Vorige Doorgaan »

Boeken

The Friends' Library, Volume 3